Chapter 37 We Can Learn Together
Gracie
Ryland’s next move takes me by surprise. He lifts my legs and brings them over his lap. He pushes the boxers back up. Ryland gently traces his fingers over my scars. I whimper and close my eyes, trying to stop myself from crying.
“I hope one day you will be able to stop hurting yourself.” He whispers.
I sigh. “Me too.”
He reaches down, his lips landing on my thigh. He kisses my scars. Tears soon roll down my cheeks.
“You are still beautiful to me. Every part of you, Gracie.”
My scars are something I am ashamed of. I hate them, and I hate myself for doing it to myself. The way he is with me in this moment makes me hate myself a little less. I don’t know how to explain it, but him being so gentle with me and not judging me takes some of the shame away.
Ryland glances up at me. His eyes are soft. The way he is looking it me makes me feel like I mean something, and I am not as worthless as I think. I didn’t know it was possible to feel such a way with just a look.
“I am sorry. I didn’t want to upset you or make you cry.” He panics.
“Ryland, you didn’t upset me. The way you acted towards me just a moment ago made me feel something. It made me feel that I wasn’t completely worthless.” My words are shaky, and the heat rises on my cheeks.
Ryland reaches in and wipes my tears away. He pulls me over him, so I am on his lap. He takes my face in his hands and looks me straight in the eye. “That is because you aren’t worthless, Gracie. You are beautiful inside and out. You are special and unique. One day, I hope you release that because it is the truth. You are worth so much more than you think.” He says, caressing my cheek.
The tears brim in my eyes again. Ryland covers my lips with his. It is a sweet kiss, sensual and gentle. It is enough to make me forget all the bad and smiles into his lips. I entangle my fingers in his hair as we continue to kiss. His hands land on my hips, making sure I stay put.
A moan escapes from my lips, vibrating against his. I love the closeness between us. He runs his fingers up and down my back, causing me shudder as our lips continue to work together. Ryland parts first. I open my eyes and notice his are still closed, smiling. He runs his thumb along his lips, and the smile grows.
“Um, Ryland, are you okay?”
He opens his eyes to look at me. “Yes, I am fine. My lips are tingling.”
Ryland pushes the hair away from my eyes and kisses my forehead. It is my turn to close my eyes and smile.
“Gracie.” There is a nervousness to his voice.
I open my eyes to look at him. “Hmm, yeah?”
His chest draws in and releases. He repeats it a couple of times. I don’t know what he wants to say, but I sense that, based on how he is acting, it seems important. I fidget in his lap. He is making me nervous.
“I want to be with you, Gracie. I don’t know if I will be any good at the whole boyfriend thing. I want to try with you. If you want me, anyway.”
He wants us to be together, as a couple. Yes, there has been something going on between us, but I didn’t expect him to ask me this.
“I want to be with you, too, Ryland. I don’t know if I will be any good at it either, since I have never had a boyfriend. I haven’t done anything, but I know you have.”
I want to be with him, but knowing he has been with girls, sexually, it worries me because I can’t give him that. I am nowhere near ready for those things.
“We can learn together. I need to ask you to be patient with me, brown eyes. I may mess up. I won’t mean to. I don’t know how to be with someone.”
I am not the only one worrying about things. I caress his cheek with my thumb. “I can do that, but you will need to be patient with me, too, Ryland. I am not ready for other things in our relationship.” I say, blushing.
I don’t want to say the words, but I hope he will pick up on what I mean.
“Gracie, I would never pressure you into something like that. I don’t want to be with you for that. I want to be with you because I like and care for you. I am not expecting anything like that from you. I promise.” He says softly.
“Then we can learn, try and mess up together.”
Ryland nods. “Yes. Hopefully we can work out how do it right as we go.”
I smile and kiss him before I snuggle into his chest. Ryland slips his arms around me once again. I never thought I would have a boyfriend while still in high school. Now here I am with my first one. I didn’t think I would be ready for a relationship until college, but that was before I met Ryland. I knew he was different from the second he said hello to me.
Ryland strokes my hair. “Thank you for giving me a chance and not giving up on me, Gracie.”
I pepper kisses on his neck. “You too, Ryland.”
We need one another. We know that, but I truly believe we need each other in more ways than we will ever. We are going to change one another’s lives in so many ways.