Chapter 96 Chapter Ninety Six
I stood outside my house for a full minute, my hand on the doorknob, unable to make myself turn it.
What if Noah had already seen the photos? What if he'd already decided that I wasn't worth the trouble?
What if I walked in there and lost the last person I had left who was still on my side?
I took a shaky breath and opened the door to find Noah sitting on my bed, waiting patiently for me.
His posture was unnaturally stiff, his spine straight, his hands resting on his knees, and his jaw tight with tension.
He wasn't looking at his phone, nor was he looking at anything else. Instead, he just stared at the wall like he was trying to see through it with a betrayed look on his face.
"So I guess you two are back together, aren’t you?” He started, his voice quiet.
I would’ve preferred it if he had yelled at me, because at least then it would’ve been some kind of reaction, instead of this tense silence.
I swallowed nervously, wringing my hands, trying to find the right words to say. "Noah—" I dropped my bag, "Wait. Please listen to me. I can explain. It's not what it looks like, I swear—"
"Really?" He still wasn't looking at me, he stared straight at the wall, not moving an inch. "I’m going to ask you a series of questions, Lena. And I need you to answer these questions as honestly as possible.”
I nodded frantically, “Okay.”
“Did you sneak out of my bed this morning to go meet my cousin in secret?”
I responded shakily, “Yes, but—”
“Did you lie to me about where you were going? I mean a lie of omission.”
“I did, but you don’t understand. We were only—"
“Did you let him put his hands all over you in public, in front of a camera, making sure everyone would find out about it?” he demanded.
"No! That one I didn’t do. There was a photographer hidden somewhere and I couldn’t see them!" My explanation tumbled out frantic and desperate, sounding foolish even to my own ears.
"Jace set me up! He called me and I went to talk to him. I know I shouldn't have, I know. But we were just talking.”
I wiped a stray tear crawling down my cheek, my heart breaking at the fact that he wouldn’t even look at me. “ I was just about to leave him there because he was getting on my nerves, talking badly about you, but then he grabbed me out of nowhere and someone took pictures and made it look like we were together but we weren't!”
I sobbed, “I swear to God, Noah, nothing happened!"
Noah stood slowly. He walked to the window, his back to me, looking out at the quiet suburban street.
The silence felt like it might suffocate me And I stood there, pensively waiting for his response.
"I don’t think you’ve ever even snuck out before in your life." His voice was flat. Empty. "But all Jace had to do was call your phone and there you were, magically transformed into a gymnast, crawling down the side of a building to go meet him.”
He sighed, “For someone so obsessed with being professional, that was a really dumb thing to do, don’t you think? What’s Mrs. Dawson going to think when she hears that?”
"Please don’t tell her about this,” I begged, scared for my livelihood, “I just needed to—"
"You lied to me."
"I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you where I was going because I knew you'd—"
"Try to stop you from running back to a guy who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about you or value you? Publicly embarrassing you? Selling you out? Hiding you away like a shameful secret while he goes around fucking every girl who’ll let him?"
Noah finally turned around to face me, and the look on his face made my chest feel so, so hollow. “Of course I would’ve stopped you going, Lena. I would have, because he is clearly not deserving of you. Why the fuck would you get back with a guy like that?”
"It wasn't running back! I wanted closure, I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, I wanted—"
"Is that what you really wanted, Lena. Really? Because I don’t believe you. " His voice rose slightly for the first time. " What exactly did you want from him that you couldn't get from me?"
The question hit me like a slap and I had to shrink back, away from his furious, accusing gaze.
"Nothing! I don't want anything from him!"
"Then why did you go? Tell me.” Noah stepped closer, his eyes searching mine. "After everything we've done together. After everything he put you through. The second he calls, you drop everything and run. Why?"
My mouth opened, then closed again. The truth stuck in my throat, unable to move.
This was all going too far, way too fast. Spinning out of my control before I could stop it.
"I thought—" My voice was barely above a whisper. "I just thought if I could just see him one more time, talk to him one more time, then I could stop wondering. I would stop thinking about what ifs and finally move on."
Something flickered across Noah's face, a look of pain and defeat and disappointment.
"And did it work?" he asked quietly. "Did you get what you needed?"
"I—" I struggled to find the words. "I don't know. It doesn't matter now. What matters is that I'm here and I'm telling you the truth. Please, Noah. I’m begging you.” I tried to take his hand in mine, like we used to do.
"Nicole doesn't believe you." Noah's voice went hard again, pulling out of my grip. "Jake doesn't believe you. Half the school thinks you're a cheater, and the other half thinks you’re some mystery new girl he’s adding to his hookup roster.”
Each word was a fresh wound, perfectly worded so it would hit right where it hurt, but I shook them off.
This was my Noah, he was mad at me now, but… he liked me. He would have some benefit of the doubt at least, I hoped desperately.
"But what do you think?" I stepped toward him, my hands shaking with nerves. "That's what matters. Not them. Not some stupid gossip blog. You. What do you think?"
Noah walked back to the bed and sat down heavily. He looked exhausted suddenly, with dark circles under his eyes that I hadn't noticed before.
There was tension in his shoulders that suggested he'd been sitting here wound tight for however long it took me to get home.
"I think..." He stopped, running both hands through his hair. "I think I've been trying really hard not to see something that's been obvious from the start. And now I can’t ignore it anymore.”
My heart stuttered. "What?"
He finally looked up at me.
The pain in his eyes made it hard to breathe.
"I need you to be honest with me, Lena. Completely honest. No more sneaking around. No more half-truths, no more protecting my feelings."
"Okay." I nodded frantically. "Yes. Anything. I'll tell you anything."
He took a slow breath, like he was bracing himself.
"Are you still in love with Jace?"