Chapter 69 Chapter Sixty Nine
Still Jace's POV
As soon as his mother walked out the door, Lena threw the blankets off.
Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes bloodshot and shining with pure hurt. She looked like I’d reached into her chest and crushed her heart in my fist.
And I had.
“Lena—”
“I guess that answers my question,” she whispered, voice cracking as she grabbed her glasses and shoved them on crooked.
“No. No, princess, you don’t understand” I stepped toward her slowly hands up as though she was a scared animal.
“I had to tell her that so she would listen and stay outside. I thought you wouldn’t want my mom finding you in my bed with me like this…”
“Like what, Jace?” She was shaking now, tears spilling faster. “Like some desperate, clingy girl throwing herself at you? Like some pathetic nobody who’s so starved for attention she’ll do anything?”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“That’s exactly what you said!” Her voice broke on a sob. “You said I was pathetic. You said I throw myself at guys. You said—”
She pressed a fist to her mouth like she was trying not to scream. “You made me sound like some kind of weird stalker!”
“I was lying! I was only trying to get her to back off…”
“By destroying my reputation? By making her want to fire me? What happened to a simple ‘I don’t know where she is, goodbye” She stood up on unsteady legs, buttoning her shirt with trembling fingers. “Do you have any idea what you just did? My mom needs this job, Jace! We need the money! And you just… you just--”
“I’ll fix it!” I reached for her but she jerked away like my touch burned, glaring at me with eyes full of hate “I’ll talk to her, I’ll tell her I was lying, I’ll—”
“You’ll what? Tell her you were lying to protect me?”
“Well yes, I—"
“Protect what, exactly? This?” She gestured between us, her eyes blazing through the tears. “Whatever sick game you’re playing where you’re all over me in private but can’t stand to be seen with me in public?”
“It’s not a game—”
“Then what is it, Jace?” She crossed her arms and hissed, “Why don’t you just admit that you’ll say anything, do anything, hurt anyone as long as you get what you want. Including me.”
I felt like I was drowning. Every new accusation she threw at me was true and I still couldn’t stop the panic clawing up my throat.
“That’s not true…”
“You said I was desperate! Why would you say something like that about me?”
I tried to reach for her and console her but she wasn’t having any of it, she swatted my arm away and looked at me with disgust written clearly on her face.
“Me pathetic? Calling me clingy and throwing myself at you and you know that’s my worst fear. You know I’ve spent my whole life being treated like I’m worthless and you still said it. To your mother.”
She smoothed down her hair as best she could, frantically running her hands through it, “Now she’s not going to let me work anymore because clearly I’m just another one in a long line of Jace’s crazy obsessed fans...’
The sobs took over and she couldn’t finish.
I felt my own chest cave in. “Lena, please, I wasn’t thinking—”
“No, you never think!” She was grabbing her bag. “You just do whatever you want and everyone else has to deal with the consequences!”
“Let me explain—”
“There’s nothing to explain!” She spun on me, eyes red and furious and so fucking beautiful it hurt. “You made it very clear how you see me. How you’ve always seen me.”
“That’s not—”
“I’m nothing to you, right? Just some pathetic girl who’s convenient when you’re bored? Just say the truth for once in your life!”
“Stop putting words in my mouth!”
“Then tell me I’m wrong!” She was screaming now. “Tell me that’s not exactly what you think!”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out.
I tried to form the words, anything at all to reassure her, but I came up short.
It turned out it wasn’t the easiest thing to admit that I was falling so fucking hard for the one girl I was never supposed to want.
“You know that’s not… Jesus Christ, Lena, would you just listen to me for one fucking second?”
“Why? So you can tell me more lies? So you can make me feel even smaller than I already do?”
“I’m trying to apologise here..”
“I don’t want your apology!” She was crying so hard her shoulders shook. “I want you to leave me alone! I want you to stop confusing me and playing with my feelings and making me think that maybe…” She cut herself off, biting her lip hard.
“Maybe what?” I stepped closer, desperate now to at the very least, keep her talking.
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
“It fucking matters to me!”
“Well, it shouldn’t!” She shoved at my chest. “Because apparently I don’t matter to you! I’m just your tutor, right? Just some desperate girl you feel sorry for? Clearly, we can never be more than that.”
“That’s not what I think—”
“Then what do you think, Jace? Please, enlighten me. Because I’m really confused about how you can say those things about me one minute and then claim you care the next!”
The dam broke.
“I do care!” The words tore out of me raw. “I care so much it’s driving me fucking insane, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”
Her eyes widened.
“Words are cheap. Especially yours,” she whispered. “You might be cut from the same cloth, but Noah would’ve never, ever stooped so low.”
That did it.
The fear, the jealousy, the terror that Noah was going to take her from me the same way he took everything else; football, Dad’s attention, and my whole fucking life, it all exploded right there in that moment.
“Fine.” My voice went hard, ugly. “You want the truth? You really want to hear it?”
“I think I’ve heard enough truth for one day.” She said stubbornly, “Get out of my way, I’m leaving.”
“No. I’ve had to listen to you throw accusation after accusation at me, now it’s my turn. So you’re going to stand there and fucking listen.”
My voice turned dark with fury as I marched up to her, coming so close we were nearly nose to nose, so she could feel the same range and tension as I did.
Lena’s face paled fearfully, taking one step back then another.
“I see finding yourself a few new friends has given you some guts. That’s great, I’m happy for you, Lena.” I started.
“But if you think that Noah’s is somehow going to help you do anything, or somehow become a cheerleader then you must be even more naïve than I thought” I laughed darkly, “You think any of them are going to let you actually make the squad?”
Her face crumpled. I could see doubt and uncertainty start to creep in while she listened to my words.
“Let’s be real here, Lena. Without my help, you’re nothing. Noah can smile and be nice all he wants, but at the end of the day, who’s going to let you of all people do it?”
Lena started, “What?...”
“Be quiet, I’m not done talking.”
She blanched and shut up, though still glaring at me looking betrayed. “When you humiliate yourself trying to do a back handspring or some other bullshit you have no business attempting, they’re all going to laugh at you just like they always have. What are you going to do then, huh?”
“You’re going to find me” I kept going because stopping would mean admitting how terrified I was of losing her.
“You’ll come crawling back to me. Because deep down, you know that I’m the only one who can actually help you. Noah’s playing pretend, but I’m the real deal. I’m the one with the power. I’m the one everyone listens to. Without me, you’re just another nobody trying to be something she’s not.”
Lena stared at me for a long second, tears still falling, but her eyes had gone dead.
“You can get your lesson notes from the folder in the study,” she said, her voice suddenly calm. “But I never want to speak to you again in my life.”
She walked to the door.
“Lena, wait—”
She yanked it open.
“I mean it, Jace. Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Pretend I don’t exist. It shouldn’t be that hard, you’ve been doing it at school for weeks.”
“Don’t you think you’re overreacting here?”
“And just so you know?” She turned back, eyes red and full of pure hatred. “You’re absolutely right about one thing. I am nobody. But at least I’m not a coward who tears people down just to make himself feel better. At least I’m not so terrified of what people think that I’d rather hurt someone than admit I care about them.”
She slammed the door so hard the pictures on my wall rattled.
I stood there in the sudden silence, chest heaving, fists clenched so tight my nails dug into my palms.
In a burst of rage, I threw a punch at the wall, smashing it inwards with my fist, “Fuck!”
What the hell did I just do?
I wanted to chase her. I wanted to drag her back and tell her the truth, that I was so fucking scared of how much I wanted her that I’d rather burn everything down than let anyone see it.
That every cruel word had been a shield, and I was falling for her so hard it felt like dying.
But I didn’t move.
Because she was right.
I was a coward.
And now she was gone.
I dropped onto the edge of my bed, head in my hands, and for the first time in years, I let myself feel the full weight of how badly I’d fucked up.
“Lena…” I whispered to the empty room.
She didn’t answer.
She never would again.