Chapter 17 I Hope It Doesn't Change Anything
April
I can’t leave the bathroom, not while Corran is still here. I can’t believe I kissed him! What the hell was I thinking? What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be feeling any romantic feelings towards Corran because nothing will happen. None of us is ready for anything. I feel sick to my stomach with guilt, not only because I kissed another man, but because I always took something away from Corran. I took away the last kiss he had with Edin. He is saying it is okay, but I know it isn’t. Nothing about what happened is okay.
I rest my head against the door, close my eyes and let the tears continue to roll down my cheeks.
“April, it is okay.” The sound of Corbin’s voice makes me open my eyes.
He kneels before me. I glance up at him. “No, it isn’t okay. You were the last man I kissed, Corbin. Edin was the last woman Corran kissed, and I took that away from him.” I whimper, keeping my voice quiet because I know Corran is still sitting outside the bathroom, and I don’t want him to hear me talking to myself again.
Corbin reaches in and wipes my tears away. “It is okay, April. None of you did anything wrong. It was going to happen one day because the two of you can’t spend the rest of your lives alone. It is okay to feel things for one another, April. It doesn’t mean you are going to replace us.”
“I don’t want to feel things for anyone else. Corran doesn’t want that.”
“April, I truly believe the two of you need each other, even if it isn’t romantically. It is time for you to leave the bathroom. He isn’t going anywhere until you do.”
“I don’t think I can face him.”
“Yes, you can, beautiful. It is time. The two of you need to talk.” He says softly.
I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. I know Corbin is right. I can’t hide in here all day, especially since Corran doesn’t seem to be leaving. “Okay.”
With a nod and a peck on my lips, Corbin vanishes. I stand up and head to the sink, splashing some cold water on my face and try to pull it together. I take a few deep breaths and finally open the door. Corran is sitting on the floor next to the bathroom with his back to the wall. He glances up at me, and a soft smile graces his lips.
“Are you okay?” he asks, jumping to his feet.
“No, not really. Are you?”
Corran shakes his head and takes his place before me. “I don’t know what I am feeling, April, if I am honest.”
“Me too. I really am sorry, Corran, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
The tears brim in my eyes once again and roll down my cheeks. I don’t want to cry again.
Corran extends his hand and wipes them away with his thumb and sighs. “April, please don’t cry again. We are both confused, but it was only a kiss. We just need to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
I close my eyes and find myself moving into his touch. Corran quickly pulls away.
“Yes, caught up in the moment. Corran, I understand if, after tonight, you want to stay away from me. I won’t hold it against you. I promise. I appreciate all the help you have given me and for your company. You made my move here a little easier.” I smile.
I don’t want him to feel like he needs to stay.
“April, I am not going anywhere. I like having you in my life.”
“Are you sure?”
Corran places his hand on my arm. “I am positive. It was one kiss. A moment of weakness, it doesn’t need to change anything. I want us to be friends.” He smiles.
I relax and return the smile. “I want that too.”
I just need to make sure nothing gets in the way of that. I can’t go and kiss him again. Once was a mistake, twice would be a choice and one that wouldn’t end well for either of us.
“Good, now, how about a slice of that delicious caramel banana bread that we bought from the bakery?”
I nod. “Yes, please. I have been wanting a slice since we bought it.” I giggle.
Corran chuckles. “Me too. I think we deserve a big slice.”
He reaches for my hand and links our fingers. I don’t try to pull away. He leads us to the kitchen. I start a fresh pot of coffee while he cuts the cake for us. We head to the living room to have it. Silence falls between us. I am soon lost in my thoughts. The kiss runs through my mind. Even though it shouldn’t have happened, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. It was good. He is a good kisser. His lips are so soft and warm. My lips tingle slightly at the thought of it.
I close my eyes, giving myself a mental shake because I can’t think about it. I sigh and focus on my cake.
“Are we going to be okay, April?” Corran asks, his words shaky from nerves.
I draw in a breath and turn to him. He is already looking at me. “I hope so.”
Things may feel different tomorrow. One of us may decide we should stay away from one another. I hope that doesn’t happen, but right now, we are still coming to terms with it. Once we do, everything could change.
“Me too.” He whispers and turns away from me.
The silence returns, and we eat, things feeling slightly awkward. I am an idiot! I don’t know what came over me. Why the hell would a part of me think it was okay to kiss him? We were having such a good time until I kissed him. I believe I wasn’t the only one who wanted it, though. I think he did too, even for a second. It happened, and we can’t change that; we just need to deal with the consequences either way.