Chapter 33 XXXIII.
I have never slept with a teddy bear before, not even as a kid. Before I was adopted by Mr. Ricci, I would never even dream of a teddy bear, and even after I was adopted by him, all my life has revolved around how to train and become the perfect businessman.
There was no room for fun, no room for love, no room for what I want. I have lived my entire life with just one purpose: to be perfect and please my tutor.
I didn't have a life of my own. Mr. Ricci dictated my life.
Back to the teddy bear.
I've never had a teddy in my life, and I don't think my pillow could be this comfortable.
Either way, I snuggled into the warmth of my pillow and breathed in its delicious scent.
Wait a minute, why the hell does my pillow smell so nice and manly? And why does it seem like it's breathing?
Wait a minute, there's no way my pillow would have arms to wrap around me.
My eyes flew open, only to come face to face with Alessandro.
Not just face to face—we were so close that one wrong move would mean we are kissing.
I blinked hard to be sure that the person in front of me was real. But no matter how hard I blinked, Alessandro's sleeping form was still lying there.
My heart started to beat fast in panic when I saw that he wasn't wearing a shirt. His body was covered in dark ink—beautiful tattoos that made me shiver. His lips looked plump and swollen, and his long, dark, beautiful eyelashes rested perfectly against his eyelids.
Below his jaw was a tiny bruise that looked like a mosquito bite, but something told me it wasn't a mosquito bite.
A faint memory flashed through my mind. It was me straddling Alessandro's lap and placing a kiss on his jaw.
My eyes widened at the memory, and I held back a gasp. More memories flooded my mind, and as they came, my eyes grew wider.
Last night I… I had sex with Alessandro Ricci.
I… I had sex with a guy, and not just any guy—the twin brother of my fiancée.
That isn't even the worst part.
The worst part is that I don't even feel repulsed.
I… I actually enjoyed last night with Alessandro.
Oh God! I enjoyed last night with Alessandro.
Does that mean I'm gay?
Oh fuck, I'm gay!
I promised myself that I wouldn't do anything stupid until I successfully break things off with Alessandra, but as usual, my dumb self just had to be so stupid.
How the hell am I going to face Alessandro now? How am I going to face Alessandra and Mr Ricci?
How can I live with this?
Well, first of all, I can't stay here. Being in Alessandro's room right now would only make me feel more and more panic.
I need space to think, to breathe.
I hurriedly and slowly held Alessandro's wrist and gently tried to pull it from my waist.
Fuck! Even his arm is so heavy, especially when he's asleep.
The mission was a success.
I was able to pull Alessandro's arm off me. I sat up on the bed and heaved a sigh of relief.
I ignored the soreness in my back, asshole, and chest and proceeded to get out of bed, but Alessandro's deep, powerful voice stopped me.
"Good morning, Rowan."
I yelped, and I could swear my soul almost left my body.
I glanced behind me over my shoulder at him, only to find that he was awake. His beautiful forest-green eyes were staring right at me, still hazy with sleep, but there was a cute, soft smile on his face that made me dizzy.
His eyes left my face to trail down my body, and I quickly pulled the covers higher up my body.
He chuckled and poked my nose.
"You're so cute, Rowan. You really shouldn't be so modest. I have already seen everything last night."
I didn't need to look in a mirror to know that I was blushing hard. The heat on my face was enough proof.
Alessandro sat up. The smile was still on his face, but I could see a cautious expression in his eyes.
"Why does it seem like you're trying to run away?"
I gulped and avoided his eyes at all costs. He should know that all of this is wrong. It wasn't even supposed to happen.
I'm his sister's fiancée, for God's sake.
He tilted his head when he saw I wasn't responding.
"Don't tell me you don't remember what happened last night."
I shook my head, feeling myself cringe internally. Of course I remember everything that happened, but I really wish I didn't, and I especially wish I didn't like it.
"Alessandro…"
"Just call me Sandro," he cut me off.
"No, I think it's best we remain professional, Alessandro!"
He raised a brow in confusion and maybe slight anger.
"But you didn't have a problem screaming it last night as you begged for me to fuck you harder!" he snapped, and I cringed.
"Listen, Alessandro, what happened last night wasn't supposed to happen. I was drunk and—"
"It wasn't a mistake."
He growled, but his eyes softened almost instantly. He took my hand in his and held it close.
His green eyes connected with mine, soft and vulnerable.
"I like you, Rowan. A lot."
The world seemed to fade around me, and all that existed was me and him on that bed.
I wanted to tell him he was lying. I wanted to believe that this was a misunderstanding, but the look in Alessandro's eyes was saying something else.
He means it.
Alessandro was being sincere.
But even though he likes me, I can't return his feelings. This will only complicate things with Alessandra.
I slowly pulled my hand away from his hold.
"You don't mean that, Alessandro. You can't like me. I'm engaged to your sister. Maybe last night just made you confused and—"
"I'm not confused, Rowan!" he said as a matter of fact. "I've liked you even before last night. You're more than a fling to me."
"But you are just a fling to me, Alessandro!"
I blurted the words out before I could stop myself, and I knew that once said, I couldn't take them back, so I continued.
"Last night wasn't supposed to happen. I was drunk and out of my senses. I'm straight, Alessandro. I regret leading you on, but you have to understand that I don't feel the same for you."
The look in his eyes almost broke my heart, but I tried my best to stay calm so I wouldn't take back my words. To avoid problems, I'll have to push him away.
Alessandro looked away from me, and he growled.
"Get out!"
His tone was filled with anger, but I heard the pain in his voice, and it made my heart bleed.
"Alessandro, you don't—"
"Get the fuck out, Rowan!" he screamed, and I flinched.
Deciding not to provoke him further, I got out of bed and hastily picked up my scattered clothes. I hurriedly put them on and left his room, not looking back once.
This is for the best, Rowan.
You did the right thing.
It's not like I have feelings for him anyway.
My hand hovered on the knob of my door as I wondered.
Or… do I still have feelings for Alessandro Ricci?
No way!