Chapter 17 – Where’s My Baby?

Clara

As I approached one of the examination rooms at the fertility clinic to have my weekly check, I must admit that I was feeling a little anxious. It has been just a little less than three weeks since the artificial insemination process, and the last time I was here, Nate, the obstetrician-gynecologist, or OB-GYN, who performed the procedure, did mention that I needed to take extra precautions and make sure that I always take my vitamins and supplements on a daily basis. He also mentioned that I needed to make sure that I did not drink any alcohol or stress myself out unnecessarily, both physically and mentally. I listened to whatever he advised and encouraged me to do, and now I can't believe how much my growing belly is showing through my dress despite the fact that I am barely a month into my pregnancy. I have experienced a number of episodes of morning sickness, and I read online that it often begins between six and nine weeks into the pregnancy; however, I am only around three weeks into the pregnancy at this point, and the morning sickness is horridly making its daily visit. I may not look like it, but I am confused and concerned about how quickly things are progressing so early in my pregnancy, so I’ve made up my mind and will definitely bring up this topic with the doctor during the check-up.

Nate went into the examination room through the adjacent door and greeted me as if we were long-lost friends.

"Hey, Clara!" He said it cheerily and asked, "How's it going with everything?"

"I'm pretty okay, I guess," was the response that I gave. "Recently, I have been experiencing a dreadful episode of nausea and dizziness. I was afraid I could not keep my dinner in and I might as well camp out on the floor of the bathroom, and besides the fact that I can no longer squeeze in my pants... but other than that, I guess everything is going to be all right as it is."

"What is this, morning sickness? Ooohh… Already?" He inquired, his brows furrowing as if he were shocked by what he had just been told. He mumbled, "That's early, even for us." I could have sworn that he did not mean for me to hear his comment, but like I said, aside from the normal pregnancy stuff, I also have better vision and hearing nowadays, and so I heard what he just said loud and clear.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked. Though I did hear him alright, I was having trouble understanding exactly what he meant by the word ‘us’.

"Uh, nothing," he chuckled to himself. "I'm just going to say what I'm thinking out loud. It occurs rather frequently to me, so there is no need to think too much about it." He adamantly added this as he worked his way through the process of applying some clear gel to the flat surface of the ultrasound probe.

A few seconds later, the attending nurse, whose name I distinctly recall being Betty, came into the room wearing a rather cheerful smile. She gave the doctor a wink, smiled directly at me, and then proceeded to put her gloves on after she gave me a nod.

"Hello, Clara! How are you doing today?" Betty asked. "If I may say so, it looks like being pregnant is working out well for you."

I should be used to this compliment. People who know me or random people who I interact with on a daily basis tell me the same thing, though at first I don’t really believe it. Even Dana told me I have a different glow. Nonetheless, this compliment is not something I am used to, and it caused me to flush so uncontrollably red that I felt my cheeks burning. I really do feel different, and in a good and positive way. I don’t know if it’s just in my imagination, but I feel like I seem to be radiating a distinct, warm, bright light that I simply cannot explain where it's coming from, but at the same time, I just feel good about it. There must be an unexplained connection between my out-of-whack pregnancy-induced hormones and how I feel nowadays in general, and when you look at it that way, I feel fine about it. Maybe that means my baby is happy too.

She made a motion toward my stomach as if asking my permission to rub some gel on it while the doctor examined something on the ultrasound equipment. I nodded and let her do so, flinching for a second after feeling the cold gel touch my cold-sensitive skin.

"Doc?" I ask him in order to grab his attention. "Although I understand that getting an ultrasound during pregnancy may be considered a routine practice for pregnant women, do you think it's too early to get one now? It hasn't even been a month since we found out I was pregnant." I asked.

To tell you the truth, I was curious when he put me on the schedule for weekly checkups. Because of my interest in the topic, I searched the internet for information regarding the appropriate frequency of prenatal checkups. I was unable to come across any articles that generally agreed that women in their first trimester of pregnancy should have their prenatal checkups once a week or an ultrasound as early as possible. According to what I have read, the only time you should start going to see your obstetrician more frequently than once a week is when you are getting close to the date of your expected delivery or when there is something wrong with your pregnancy.

Betty paused for a brief period of time after hearing my question for a few seconds before continuing to apply the gel to my stomach. It's the kind of reaction that you just can't shrug off.

Nate appeared to be surprised for a fraction of a second as well, but he managed to cover his features rather quickly, even though this was not something I could have missed even if I wanted to. I have clear and keen vision now, if you remember.

"I must say, Clara, you are quite the curious and inquisitive one." As he sat down and turned on the monitor, he let out a light-hearted chuckle. "However, you shouldn't be concerned about anything because everything is actually alright. Because we take pride in being the #1 fertility clinic not just in the eastern continental US but all over the world, this is just another layer of our care, if you must know." He added and smiled

I responded with an "Ohh," revealing my embarrassment at having to ask the question in the first place. Indeed, he does have a valid point. With the prestige they carry, they do have to make sure they maintain that confidence among their clients. "I'm sorry, but I just have to ask the question."

"There is no need for you to feel embarrassed about it. I understand where you are coming from with this curiosity, and if I were in your position, I would also ask the same questions. If you must know, because you are in exceptional circumstances, you may rest assured that we will provide you with the highest standard of care during your pregnancy." Betty chimed in.

What Betty said immediately caught my attention, and my natural interest had just been piqued, so I asked, "How do you mean by ‘special case'?"

Dr. Nate this time pursed his lips and shook his head as he glanced at Betty, and the nurse quickly made her way to the back of the examination room. "She does not mean anything by that. You see, we refer to our patients as special cases when we get them endorsed to the clinic through unique endorsements; in this particular instance, you come from the endorsement of one of the trusted partners of the clinic, Dr. Cortez."

So it was because of Dana.

I had the impression that he was not telling me the whole truth, but I refrained from pressing the issue since I was so eager to find out what my kid would look like inside my belly. The only thing I did was nod my head and ask, "So, what are we doing now?"

"All right, it seems to me that we are all prepared." Dr. Mathers spoke, his tone now cheerful. "The probe and the gel might make you feel cold, and it can be uncomfortable for a wee bit, but the sensation would only last quickly. This is the screen where you will get your first glimpse of your child." He said. He explained a few more things and some numbers on the screen, but I was no longer listening. I was too excited to see my child for the first time, even if he is as small as a pinhead.

The probe did feel cold, but just for a few seconds. He started moving the probe about on my stomach surface while explaining what was happening on the blinking black and white screen. Betty drew closer to my bedside and began watching the television screen alongside me, her eyes wide. The doctor seemed confused and placed the probe in the same area on what appears to be my uterus, but I don't see anything else that resembles the photographs I found online in which a baby's definite shape is displayed. A small blob, about the shape and size of a baseball, has seemingly attached itself to my uterine wall, but that doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen in the pictures I saw online for this stuff.

I don’t know if it was just me, but I can’t figure out the image in front of me, so the first question that popped into my head was, "Doctor? Where is my baby?"

Before turning to me and saying, "Don't worry, Clara, the baby is definitely there; it's just a bit tiny; you really can't see it clearly," I don't know if it was my imagination, but I noticed that the complexion of Dr. Mathers went pale white and sickly green at the same time for a moment. "But it's right here," he said, pointing to a little baseball-sized blob on the screen. "It's possible that the kid inside you is still rather shy and tiny right now, but in a few weeks you'll be able to see him or her clearly."

Somehow, that did not sound right to me as I stared at the black-and-white screen.