Chapter 12 - Morning Sickness
Clara
I heaved one more time, and when I did, I quickly positioned my head in the toilet in preparation for another foul vomit to come out. However, what did come out was similar to saliva, and thank heavens it did not contain anything from my meal from the previous night. I just started feeling dizzy and eventually started throwing up, and because it's the third morning in a row, I've shut myself in the bathroom till the feeling hopefully goes away. Thank goodness Dana is already at work when I wake up since she’s taking off early these days to work, and she doesn’t have to witness what a wimp her best friend has become. Being pregnant comes with all these perks of morning sickness, I guess. I tend to place my head between my bent legs and rock myself softly, hoping the unease will go away. It does work, and if I just give it a little bit more time, I won't ever need to throw up again for the entire day unless I smell something bad.
Speaking of which, I have also found that my sense of smell has surprisingly improved, which is both a blessing and a curse. A curse because it means that any time I catch a whiff of something that I disagree with, I immediately feel like throwing up, and a bout of dizziness just comes over me. I can no longer tell which smell I disagree with these days. I used to love the smell of hotdogs and donuts, but now I just cannot stand it. It is, however, a blessing when the opposite happens as well when I catch the aroma of something delicious and appetizing but often weird stuff.
Thinking about it, the most peculiar aspect of the heightened sense of smell is the fact that I can detect from a mile away whether or not somebody is bleeding due to the distinct smell of blood's metallic component. An ambulance once passed by me, and I could immediately tell that someone was bleeding profusely inside the vehicle. The amount of blood coming out of their body was frighteningly fast.
My sense of hearing is peculiarly enhanced as well, for lack of a better term to describe it. I was walking in the streets of New York the other day, just across Central Park, and I just could not bear how loud and irritating the noise of the city streets was as soon as I walked out the main door of the apartment building. I had to stop for a bit before trying again, and eventually, I was also able to tune out some of the sounds and focus on the ones that I liked. I also noticed a few things that I would never have noticed in normal circumstances: someone in the next apartment building playing a beautiful piece of Canon in D by Pachelbel on their piano; another one practicing playing the violin on the other floor of the same building; the soft hum of the man selling paper in the newsstand; and just about everything at once that makes New York enchanting and breathtaking.
In addition to this, I found that I had a taste for things that were previously completely foreign to me. When I was at the diner the other day, I happened to catch a whiff of the rare steak being served at the table next to me. After that, I couldn't get the thought of steak out of my head, and my stomach started rumbling so loudly that everyone in the diner must have heard it. I decided to treat myself to some rare steak, or rather, give in to my unreasonable cravings, whereas, in the past, I would have gone for a steak that was cooked well done. If I were my former self, I probably would have even gone a step further and selected a salad instead of the steak.
However, I am not my usual self. I was so happy when I was done eating my steak, and by the time I realized it, everything that was on my plate was gone, much to my amazement. Under normal circumstances, I would have only finished half of the plate; this is not because I enjoy eating more than I should, but rather because the diner serves fairly large steaks, and I simply do not have enough room in my stomach to fit everything in. I can have an entire plateful of rare steak without feeling any sense of guilt because my hormonal levels are all out of whack. This is something that has become pretty obvious to me as the days go by.
Since we're talking about things that are out of the ordinary, nowadays I think it’s completely normal to cry during an animated, light-hearted show. I even get upset at the female lead in the romance comedy movie I'm watching because she ‘doesn't get it' and creates an entire fiasco of goose chases and drama with the male lead when it could have been simpler and uncomplicated if only she listened or did not do anything stupid. I’d often catch myself sobbing uncontrollably because I was flipping through the channels on the entertainment apps looking for a nice show when I stumbled upon the National Geographic channel and saw a mother wolf nursing her young or anything that involved having babies and puppies. My feelings have been so all over the place lately, and it is overwhelming that I even sobbed the other morning when Dana added more pancakes and blueberries to the dish she had already set before me.
In addition to that, I found myself staring out the window of Danas' apartment one particular evening when the moon was shining brightly in all of its splendor as a full moon, and I have been seeking out the moon ever since, so much so that I have set my calendar to remind me when it's going to be at its peak in the sky during a full moon. I was lucky that Dana’s apartment had a view of the sky, despite being surrounded by skyscrapers and tall buildings. Though most nights the sky is filled with smog and dark clouds—this is, after all, New York—and not a single star is in sight when the moon is full, it lights up the sky and dominates even the thick smog and dark clouds. Even though, on a typical day, I wouldn't have paid any attention to the moon at all, I couldn't help but break down in tears because of how breathtakingly gorgeous the whole thing was to me.
I already love ice cream. Being pregnant, though, takes it to a whole different level. I enjoy and love ice cream these days; I just could not help myself, quite honestly. Who doesn't love a tub of delicious and sweet ice cream anyway? The days seemed long and dry without a pint of Ben & Jerry's, along with a bottle of pickled cucumber and some peanut butter. It tasted like heaven on earth!
These days, I'd rather spend the entire day sleeping than doing anything else. I binge-read whatever I could lay my hands on, too. I get up to empty my bladder and then go back to sleep or read a few more chapters of the books I currently have piled up beside the couch. Sometimes I'll sleep on Dana's bed just because it's more comfortable, and I think I may have acquired an unhealthy obsession with Canadian cotton. Dana wanted me to move to her bedroom since I am pregnant, but for some reason, I have taken a liking to sleeping on the couch. As a bargain, she bought me these pillows and a duvet, which were Canadian cotton, of course, and she transformed the entire couch into a bed for me.
When it comes to my bladder, the only negative effect I've noticed is that I feel the need to pee more frequently than before. Just a sip of water, and then I'll be on my way to pee. I've just been pregnant for more or less four weeks, and yet all of my symptoms—the morning sickness, my emotional instability, out-of-whack mood swings, my weird appetites, and heightened senses—are all presumably going to happen in the first trimester, but I'd thought it was too soon. Perhaps I ought to bring it up in a discussion with my primary care physician. When I refer to my physician, I am only referring to Dana and no one else. Even though it is not her area of specialization, but whatever. I trust her more than anything in my life.
After I found out that I was pregnant, I also started having these strange recurring dreams of a man whose face I couldn't quite make out. It started as a casual touch, and he often sat beside me and talked about the weather or something else, but then one night he kissed me, and the next thing I knew, the man wasn't only visiting me in my sleep but virtually every time I closed my eyes. This went on for quite some time until I finally realized what was going on. When I finally succumb to sleep and enter the depths of the dream realm, he is there waiting for me.