Chapter 27

Chapter 27


Dera

I could not bring myself to do it as each time my hand neared the button, it started trembling and then I dropped it back on the bed. I sat down there and I broke down crying. My entire world was beginning to break down and I could barely get a grip on myself or what I wanted at this point. I needed Alpha Eric but I also needed to be loyal to Amara. That was when it struck me that the man had just said pretty much that he had feelings for me. He had not driven that straight up but it was becoming clear that was what he desired with me and I needed to understand that was what it was. 

I started to wonder if ever Amara would agree to allow him to fall in love again. But somehow, I knew she would never agree that it would be me. She probably thought of me as a sister and sisters do not fuck their father. I stayed inside until it was time for lunch and I came out. Alpha Eric did not come in for lunch and I started wondering if it was just him avoiding me. I had my meal and then went over to start sitting on the sofa when it dawned on me that in my haste, I had left the book that I was reading outside in the garden.

I went outside immediately to look for it, while hoping that I would have a glimpse of the man. Something was definitely wrong with me and I was beginning to lose my shit. Well, I was disappointed when I did not find him there but the lingering scent of him was something that I could not help myself from. It was right here in the air and I knew it was from earlier when I left. The book was not in the place however and I knew he must have taken it back inside 

I started returning into the house and I had just entered when I saw him coming outside. For a moment, we stood there as we were watching each other. He looked like he was fighting himself to stay there and I needed to find something to say immediately.

"Um, I was outside." I said to him,

"Were you looking for me?" He asked me.

"No. I promise you, I was not. I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I actually went to go look for the book that you had brought me and the one that I had been with." I said to him,

"Oh, those. The other one I sent to the library. As for the one I brought you, it's in my study. You can go get it there." He said to me,

"Okay. Thanks." I said but I stood there, waiting for him to get moving. My body was shaking and I was already beginning to poke my fingers out of nervousness. 

I could bet that he noticed how I was feeling because suddenly, he gave a smile and started walking towards the dining area. He looked at me like he was trying to tell me that I should relax and as soon as he was out of my way, I started to go when his voice stopped me.

"And Dera?" He called me.

I halted in my tracks as I turned to look at him. "Sir?"

"Now I have to tackle two things. I was going to ask you to stop with the apologies. You have done nothing wrong and instead, the world owes you a ton of apologises for how it has treated you all these years. And I apologize for what my gender must have caused you. You can lay all the blames on me." He said to me,

"Well, you didn't do anything wrong, why should I blame you?" I asked him.

"Think of it as therapy. You feel like you need someone to blame for anything, blame me and if you seek a reason, blame me for not coming for you all along. Blame me for not being there.. just anything that would make you happy again." He responded.

"Okay, Sir. What was the second thing?" I asked him, totally overwhelmed by emotions. 

This man has never caused me any pain at all yet he was okay with asking me to blame him. Of course I have always been blaming my father for being so different and cruel to me. But I learned that I was at fault a long time ago. I had chosen to be a female. If I had been a man, then I would have been privileged enough to choose what I wanted and who I wanted. It was not Alpha Eric's fault and instead of wanting to blame him, I wanted to kiss his lips and tell him how much I wanted to be with him.

"Well, you just did it again. It would take some time getting used to but it's not Sir. I'm Eric. Just call me that. We're over formalities now, don't you think?" He said as his eyes fell on my lips.

Well, we have kissed and it seems like we had similar attraction to ourselves.

"I believe so, Eric." I said and I was blushing immediately. I did not wait for him to say anything as I quickly turned away and I started off heading towards his study. I wanted to go away from him right now because somehow, I was certain that staying there with him would probably have me kissing him again.

The moment I got into his study, I was caught up with his scent. It was very obvious that he used to spend a lot of time here and that he had been here shortly. His scent lingered and I started going over to his desk. I saw the book but then I started looking around the study. It was actually more luxurious than my father's and Isaac's put together. He made it have this vintage design because there was a lot of brown colour here. His desk to the shelves and even most of the books here. I went over and I took a book and opened it. I do not know what I had expected to see in a book that was in an Alpha's study because this was no novel. It looked like a record and something told me he would not want me snooping around.

So, I put it back inside. Then my eyes saw the maps. I was thrilled as I pulled one down. I was screaming at myself to stop but I would not listen when I started going over the maps. It was the one in the world that caught my attention. Back in school, I had always thought that I would have to go around to see the world someday. Well, the only world I got to see was inside Isaac's bedroom, my room, his pack house and the dungeons. The rest was probably his naked body which did not entice me at all.

I was marvelled and then started to get my thoughts together as I started replacing the map where I had seen it. Now, I went over and picked up the book, determined that I would be going into my room immediately when something fell from it. It was a piece of paper and I went over to pick it up when I was met with something that stunned me so much.

It was a drawing of me and it looked like he had done it recently. It was a portrait and I felt really excited and emotional at the same time. I mean, no one has ever thought that I deserved to have my portrait drawn. The only photo I had taken in the last few years was with Isaac at our wedding. He even kept that hidden as he believed that shamed him as a man. I was not good enough after all.

"You saw it?" I heard a voice.

Seriously, Tia. The thing with our weak sensitivity was beginning to get out of hand and we really needed to fix that. Both our hearing and smelling. I had been really shocked to find Alpha Eric standing there and looking me in the eyes.

"I was about to leave. I swear it fell from the book. I didn't mean to intrude." I said and I realised that I was beginning to panic.

He noticed and very quickly he came over and held my hand.

"Dera, calm down. It was put in there because I wanted you to see it. I made it for you so stop panicking. No one would punish you. Not on my watch, okay?" He asked me.

Alright, I was finally beginning to do it. I was calming myself down and I started to get a hang of myself.

"It's beautiful." I said, finding my voice.

"Not as beautiful as you." He responded.

I knew it would be risky to stay and I told him I needed to get going. He did not protest and I rushed out. The moment I stepped outside, I started breathing really hard and then went straight to my room where I stayed for a long time reading. I noticed he had folded a particular page and I was really looking forward to reading it but I did not want to skip pages. I would get to it.

After some time, I dozed off only to wake up to someone knocking. It was already dark and I realised that Amara was back.

I went and opened the door as she smiled at me.

"Ice cream night, sleepyhead." She said to me,