Chapter 166
AMELIA
I woke up gasping. My heart was racing. I could barely breathe in anger. That son of a bitch killed me.
And the dream was real. How was it even possible? I could smell him all over me. I still felt everything, the ripples of pleasure, and the wetness between my legs.
“Shit.” I got up from bed and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. My body was still shaking in anger. Once I was done, I changed to my old clothes and grabbed my things.
AMELIA: Dad, can you do something for me?
DAD: Of course, honey. Name it.
AMELIA: Can you pull up records of Amelia Celine Reidshaw and Alexander Lucius Whitmann? Please, don’t ask. I love you, Dad. Thanks.
I called Ryden on the way.
“Hey, ‘bug.” He sounded like he was sleeping, his voice groggy.
“Oh, shit. I’m sorry to wake you up.”
“It’s fine. Should I come to pick you up?”
“No, baby. Change of plan. I have something to take care of. Do you trust me?”
“Why do I feel like you’re about to do something that gets you killed or makes me jealous?”
“Maybe or maybe I will kill someone this time.” I groaned.
“My love, what’s going on?” Now he sounded alarmed. I just completely woke him up.
“I’m on the way to Lucius.”
“Fuck.” He cursed out loud, and I felt like he was already sitting on the bed. “Don’t go there alone.”
“Baby, if you trust me, you let me do this alone. I promise I’ll be home in a few hours.”
“Amelia, should I be worried?”
I squeezed my eyes shut as I arrived in front of the gate. It opened as soon as the guard recognized me. I walked inside and thanked the guards.
I felt the guilt instantly spearing my chest. “No. You should be worried about him, not me.”
“Amelia.” There was a warning in his voice, but too late now. I was already standing before Lucius’ house.
“Just kidding, Alpha.” I felt so guilty, the twist in my belly was beyond what I could bear.
“Fine. Be careful.”
“Talk to you soon. I love you. Bye.”
The entire house was silent. When I got to his door, it was unlocked as if he was expecting me, or probably was, and that his guard already informed me of my arrival.
I slowly and cautiously walked inside his room. He was sitting at the edge of the bed his elbows propped on his knees his hands linked together as if he already accepted his fate. He hadn’t lifted his head to look at me, but he sensed that I was the one who walked in.
“Tell me one good reason why I should not kill you right now.”
He shook his head.
I pulled my sword, pointing at him. “I want words, Lucius.”
“There are no words, Amelia.” Guilt was thick in his voice, but I wasn’t convinced.
“I thought you loved me. I want the truth, Lucius. No more bullshit or I walk out of here, and you will never see me again.” I blinked back the tears.
I didn’t know why it hurt so much when I barely knew him, yet I trusted every word he said, and I broke a promise to my mate for him.
Finally, he tilted his head and met me in the eye. His eyes were red. I didn’t realize he was crying.
“I love you more than anything in this world, and that love couldn’t save you from dying. I brought this guilt, this misery for two decades, and I still feel guilty now that you know what I did to you.”
“You must have reasons. Tell me, why did you do what you did? Why did you take the life of the woman you loved?”
He let go a shuddering sigh, shaking his head. “I can’t relive that memory, Amelia. I’m sorry.” He rose to his feet and walked away from me.
“No!” I pushed him in the chest. “I deserve to know. It’s my life. It was my life, and I can’t remember anything. You’re the only one who can walk me through it so suck it up, asshole!”
He poured whiskey into a glass and downed it. “Three days. Three days after that incident, you couldn’t die. You couldn’t transform either.”
“Wait.” I went to him in shock. “I was bitten? I thought the director killed me.”
“Yes, the director organized the attack, but you were bitten by one of the councils at the Enochian. An alpha. You lost a lot of blood. Taking you to the hospital was not an option. You would die on the way, and I could expose you to the human world, but I would take my chances if it meant you could live.”
“My father?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t see him again. I prayed for him to come for three days, but he didn’t show up. My mother was wounded, too, but you were worse. You were so pale as a sheet. You were burning with fever, and you didn’t turn because you wouldn’t make it.”
“Oh, Goddess.” My voice broke. I could barely hear my own words. I shuddered as I stared at him.
This was the guilt he’d been carrying for two decades, eating him up alive. It was too much even for an alpha and a man as strong as Lucius. No wonder he was this way, so protective, and tried to save many lives, it was his penance for taking my own life.
“My mother believed it had something to do with your blood. She treated you and made you comfortable. While the whole pack was busy burying and burning our dead, I still wore the same clothes I had on our wedding day. She saw my grief.” He shook his head, tears rolled down his face.
“I’m sorry.” I hugged him tight. “I’m so sorry you have to watch me die.”
“That was not the hardest part, Amelia.”
I stared at him. “Did I tell you—?”
When he nodded, I fell on my knees, sobbing. “No.”
He went on his knees, cupping my face. “It’s okay. You’re here now, alive and living the best life I’d ever dreamed for you.”
“No. You’re lying. Knowing that you’re suffering like this, this is not living for me, Lucius. Haven’t you ever dreamed of our lives together? Why do you have to be so selfless?” I wiped the tears so I could see him.
“You know why. Love can make people selfless and reckless. Mom couldn’t take the pain of losing her husband. She showed me how to do it. So I did what I did.”
“No. There’s more. Tell me everything, Lucius, please?” I could barely breathe. I cried so hard, I almost passed out if he didn’t touch my chest.
“Breathe, Amelia.”
All I could do was shake my head.
When blackness passed my sight, he shook me hard. “Amelia!”
I gasped an air and clung to him.
“Don’t fucking do that again. You’re scaring me.” He cupped my head and kissed me all over my face. “I’m okay with everything that happened in the past. It was painful, so painful, I lost in the woods for months. I went rogue and Goddess knew what I did. My people and most people thought I died. I thought I wouldn’t be able to shift back to my human form. That’s how grief and losses brought it, and that’s why I don’t talk about it.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” I wiped my face. My hands trembled.
“Do you think I take pleasure taking life, let alone the woman I ever loved?”
“You lost everything and everyone you loved that night. I wish I could take that pain away. Just tell me how. Let me help you.”
“I could have found a way to forget it, forget everything that happened, but I didn’t wish to forget anything. I have the best memories, too, especially our lives together.”
I remembered something my father told me. “Now I understand what my father said to me.”
“What did he say?”
“That I always wanted to be a werewolf, and I thought he was talking about Ryden.” I rested against the bed, and he joined me. “We didn’t talk about what happened earlier. I woke up and still felt you, everything seemed so real.”
“It was real, Amelia.”
I looked at him in confusion. “How does it exactly work?”
He kissed the side of my head. “Take for example we met in the hotel room, in our case is in our dream.”
“What if I slept late.”
“Just like going on a date, Amelia. The dream won’t be finished if you don’t make it on time.”
“This is so weird, and I just cheated on Ryden. I can’t do this, Lucius. If you were in his position, what would you feel then?”
“Don’t make me answer that.”
“Exactly.” I stood up. “I should go.”
“Can’t you stay longer?” He reached out for my hand.
“No. I only told him I’d be out for a few hours.” Now I felt bad when he let go of my hand. Goddess, why did I make things complicated? Why was I even doing this? I knelt before him. “What happened earlier stays between us, okay?”
It felt like something inside him broke. “You’re my wife, too, Amelia. Why would I tell anyone?”
“Don’t make me feel terrible than I already do, Lucius, please?”
“I’m sorry if you feel that way.” He cupped my head and pressed his lips against mine.
Humiliation should crashed me. There were no words to describe how I felt right now. I had never been more confused between right and wrong because kissing him, talking to him, and having him had never felt this right, even if I knew for a fact this was cheating.
I kissed him back.