Chapter 149
AMELIA
I curled like a ball in his bed as I cried to sleep. I wished my life wasn’t complicated. Right now, I made it more complicated. The more I looked at Lucius, the more I got terrified and confused, and my feelings for him grew stronger.
How was it even possible? I lost my wolf, yet I still felt something for him. I got a mate and a husband from another life and now I had Ryden, and my past pulled forward into the present that I couldn’t even remember. I was a mess. I’m fucked.
I woke up already tucked in bed in the duvet that smelled him. “You haven’t slept.”
He stayed outside the blanket, his hands linked behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. “I called your mate that you’re here.”
“He was sleeping when I left. I didn’t wanna wake him and explain that I wanted to meet another man. Was he mad?”
“Yeah. I would have the same reaction, but I gave him my word that I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you and you’re still bound to him by bond and marriage, and you’re only here looking for some answers.”
“You’re so formal sometimes. You can just say I didn’t cheat on him.” I moved closer to him, making him stiffen. “Not gonna initiate something. Geez. Relax.”
“You can do whatever you want, Amelia. It’s you I’m worried about. I don’t want you to regret anything after.”
“What’s wrong with me?” I placed my hand on his hard chest.
“What do you mean?” He looked at me, placed his hand on top of mine, and caressed it. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.”
“Did you know I stabbed Ryden when he was possessed? He almost died. Then I stabbed you, too, and I almost killed you. What’s next? I’m gonna stab myself?”
“It won’t come down to that, Amelia. I won’t let that happen. Glad you found a way to ward off wraiths. You’re always this clever.” He turned to me. “You like poets.”
“Me?” I laughed. “Really?”
“Emily Dickinson is your favorite. You like classics like Oscar Wilde and Shakespeare. Let me show you something.” He got up from bed and went to the walk-in closet. When he came back, he had a small shoebox with me. He brought it to bed and removed the lid.
“My letters?” I took the box and lay on my abdomen. “What’s this?” I picked up braided hair strands.
He chuckled. “After our handfasting, you cut your hair and gave it to me. I braided it myself. You can take it for DNA.”
I looked at him. “It’s not necessary. I believe you.” Then I opened an old paper. “How is it my penmanship never changed twenty years later?” It is almost the same as mine. This one was more cursive than how I wrote today. I read the letter with my eyes and smiled.
“That’s the last letter before our wedding.”
“Huh. Is this why I sounded so in love? Wow.” I laughed. “Did I really write this? I could be a poet someday. Wilde and Dickinson might have influenced my childhood. I mean, I got married at eighteen to an old man.”
He laughed out loud. “I met you when I was already forty living in a twenty-year-old body. I guess I’m a pedo. I liked young girls.”
“Ew.” My reaction made him smile. He picked up an engagement ring from the box. The stone was small but it looked flawless. “This was yours.”
I picked it up and put it on my finger. I raised my hand and looked at it. “It fits perfectly.” I took it off and gave it back to him. “I’m sorry I can’t wear it.”
“I know.” His smile was gone instantly as he put it back into the box. Then he looked at my hand. I wasn’t wearing any rings even if I couldn’t shift anymore. “I can afford to buy you an expensive engagement ring, but your mate will kill me.”
“Lucius?” I moved close to him, resting my head on his arm. I felt comfortable around him. I felt I could trust him with my life and my secrets.
“Yeah, my love.” He pulled me closed, a heavy arm settled across me squeezed me tight, and pressed his warm body against mine.
I felt his nose against my hair, his lips brushed the nape of my neck. Somehow, I could feel his struggle and pain in his actions and how much he tried to control himself with me around.
“I never ask for your forgiveness and never apologize for hurting you. I didn’t mean everything I did.”
“I understand, Amelia.” His voice dropped lower. “I knew when you came back you’re not the girl I met, the Amelia I married, and the lifeless woman I held in my arms, you’re stronger, but deep inside, you’re still my Amelia, and that’s what hurt me the most. I couldn’t lie to my feelings. My wolf still recognized you and claimed you as his mate.”
“So did my wolf when I first met you at the alley. Do you know I lost my wolf and my power?”
“Yeah. I can feel you’re different now, so much more than the girl I met twenty years ago. You’re stronger and fiercer, and more powerful,” he said proudly.
“Lucius?”
“Yeah.” His voice became quieter, but his arms tightened as if he didn’t want to let me go. “I really want to kiss you, Amelia.” His breathing stirred the hair on my neck, making my chest heave and my skin hot and buzzed. At least he was honest.
“I can’t be with you, Lucius. I can’t leave Ryden. I love him. He’s my present and my future.” The longer I talked the harder he hugged me, and his body began to shake. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of this to happen. I wish I met you when I was far from Ryden.”
“Believe me, sweetheart, you will still choose him over me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do, my love. He was your first heartbreak. Despite all that, you still went back to him and gave him a second chance. That’s why I know I couldn’t kill him to have you.”
I turned around. For a split second, I stilled.
Screw this! I cupped his head. At that moment, I didn’t give much thought to the repercussions. I kissed him. He stilled a second before he kissed me back. Even though the guilt would tear me apart later, his invading tongue and the taste of him screwed my head pretty quickly like a drug. It thrilled me, it excited me.
He rolled us over, and pressed his weight against mine, pinning me down on his bed. He took my wrists and pinned them over my head with one hand, the other exploring my chest, cupping, and kneading my breast, and pinching my nipple against my shirt and bra. My traitorous body arched into him as I felt his monstrous cock already hard press against my pelvis.
Delirious, I moaned. Every inch of my body ached for him, wanting more. As I pulled one leg up to his waist, I rocked my hips against him, seeking relief from the growing ache between my thighs.
This was wrong.
Then he broke the kiss, breathing hard, pressing his lips on my forehead.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I can’t do this.” He got off on top of me.
“What do you mean?” I had never been more confused, angry, and humiliated. My ears were probably red right now.
He looked down at me with pure guilt and pain. “I love you. I still love you, but if you choose Ryden, be with Ryden. I will gladly take the pain every second he has you. As long as he loves you, provides your needs, and makes you happy, I take all that. If you choose me, be with me, but I won’t share you even with him. And I know the answer.”
I blinked back the tears. “You don’t know shit, you psycho, bastard, son of a bitch! You conflicted me, confused me, you made me feel something special, and yet you tossed me just right wherever you wanted!” I pushed him hard. This time, my power knocked him back into the far wall.
His body hit the wall, creating an obvious crack in the wallpaper. His body slumped to the floor.
“Fuck.” He groaned, rubbing the back of his head.
My heart clenched. I staggered to my feet, grabbed my things, so desperate to get away from him, out of this fucking manipulative asshole.
“Amelia!”
I dashed towards the door. Before I could hold the doorknob, it twisted by itself, double-locking it as if I couldn’t tear the entire door down with a single kick. He was telling the truth, though. He had, indeed, a witch’s blood.