Chapter 3—Secrets

After Asher and I were done drinking our coffee and having an awkward conversation that went nowhere, we decided to part ways. He had never really shared anything of importance to anyone—or mostly me, as I did not know who he normally hung around, and I did not know how he acted around them. I had always had a suspicious feeling about him, but I enjoyed his company because everything faded out, and I could be normal, or at least focus and concentrate for the time being. But at the same time, he had nothing to say and acted as if he had no interests.

I took the locket out of my pocket and stared at it for a few moments when I returned home. There was something inside of me screaming of its strange place in an abandoned building. Furthermore, something about it grabbed my attention, piqued my curiosity. The longer I stared into the red jewel, the more I could see a glowing orange light growing larger. There was also something else…a noise. It sounded like a scratching sound, as if someone had long fingernails pressed up against the jewel. The longer I studied the object, the louder this noise became, and I started to become more engrossed in its mystery. I couldn’t look away with this orange light becoming brighter and the noise growing louder.

Suddenly, there was a loud, quick rap on my bedroom door that made me jump and drop the locket. “Sarai, Ruth is here to see you!” my mother’s voice called from the other side of the door.

“Coming!” I yelled back. Picking the locket back up, I glanced at the jewel again, but it was a normal jewel; no strange orange light shone from within, and there was no scratching noise. Could I have imagined it? I placed it on top of my dresser when Ruth barged into my room, half fuming.

“Where have you been?” she asked demandingly.

“Hi, Ruth, how are you today? Aren’t we having such wonderful weather?” I replied sarcastically. “I’ve only been home for a few minutes. Why? What are you so upset about?”

“You were supposed to meet me for lunch, remember?”

I had completely forgotten about our planned lunch together. “I’m really sorry, Ruth. I woke up early this morning and went for a walk around town. I must’ve forgotten about our plans because I bumped into Asher.”

“Asher?” Ruth mumbled before landing on my bed as if she had just been punched in the stomach. Her face grew pale, and her thoughts became erratic as they swam around me.

I sat down beside her and said, “Ruth, you need to calm down. What’s the matter?” I asked with concern filling my voice.

She didn’t respond right away. “What is he doing back?” she finally asked after color started to return to her face.

“I don’t know. He wouldn’t tell me anything. Hell, he hardly even spoke to me, to be honest. There seems to be something wrong with him or something because he was acting stranger than usual…”

“Where did you meet him?”

I stood up from the bed and looked at her questioningly. “Why are you so curious about what he’s up to? You walked in here enraged that I stood you up accidentally, and no sooner than I mention Asher, you crumble. What is going on?”

Ruth only shook her head for a moment, wore a fake smile, and said, “It’s not important. So you had one of your nightmares again?”

“Oh no, you are not going to change the subject that easily,” I stated sternly.

She got up from the bed and walked over to the window. “I just don’t want to talk about it right now, Sarai.”

“Alright, but you are going to tell me about it one way or another.”

Ruth spun around on her heel. “You promised me that you would NEVER do that!”

“Hey, if someone you barely knew had this much of an effect on your best friend, I think you would do the same, and you would feel that you deserve to know why!” I retorted defensively.

“Some things are meant to be private, Sarai! You cannot just pick stuff from people’s heads on a whim! It’s not fair that you can know everything about everyone before you are ever properly introduced!”

Ruth was my best friend. We met in Kindergarten when she was having a tough time at home and making new friends. Back then, I could remember her being a sweet young girl. Her face was flushed, her eyes filled with tears, and her brunette hair was in braided pig-tails. I looked at her now, a woman, with her face flustered from anger—anger because I was different, and I foolishly threatened to unravel her secret about Asher that she held dearly.

She was the only person who knew of my abilities, and with this knowledge, she had a lot of distrust of me because I could accidentally pick something out that I was not supposed to know. Which, yes, I did, but not on purpose, and I tried to forget about it as soon as I heard it. Recently, the only time I heard something from her that I was not supposed to was when she was really upset, or when I was touching her. With her emotions, though, it happened more often than not because her feelings could jump from one side of the spectrum to the next. I think that the reason I could not hear her as much as I used to, or as much as anyone outside, was the amount of time we spent together. My family’s internal dialogue had also subsided over the years. The only thing I could think of that could have caused this was that I may have gotten used to their energies, so their voices had become muffled or silent, not as invasive for me, after a while.

Ruth looked down at my dresser and noticed the locket that Asher had found for me earlier that day. She picked it up and started to examine it.

“This is a very beautiful necklace…Where did you get it?”

I contemplated for a minute on whether I should lie or just change the subject to something else entirely. Ultimately, I decided to just tell her the truth. “Asher found it in an unusual building this morning. He said he had no use for it and told me that he wanted me to have it.”

Her eyes lingered on the jewel for a minute before she put it back down and cleared her throat. “Well, it’s very beautiful.” She sat down on the bed with me following right next to her. “So, are you two a couple now?” Her voice broke a little, and her face had grown sad.

“What?” I asked incredulously. “No! Today was the first day I had seen him in three years…! Hang on, do you have a thing for him?”

Ruth’s face turned bright red.

“Really?” I asked, astonished. “Why didn’t you tell me? You two would’ve made a cute couple in high school.”

Tears started to fall down her cheeks.

“What’s wrong?”

“I thought you knew…” she said in between sobs. “I just assumed you knew and kept it to yourself like you always do.”

“You need to elaborate,” I replied, confused. Was there something I was supposed to know?

“We were together in high school.”

I stood up and stared at her with extreme doubt and an immense feeling of betrayal. “How? When? What happened? And why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Why wouldn’t she tell me something like that? It was something that seemed so silly to hide.

“I thought you knew…You know everything,” she stated again.

“Apparently, I don’t. I told you I couldn’t hear everything you were thinking about anymore, and you already knew that I couldn’t hear anything with Asher around. The only times your thoughts bleed through is if I’m touching you or when you are becoming over-emotional.”

By this point, Ruth decided to grab my hand. “Concentrate, and then you will know,” she said through sobs. “It’s easier than talking…”

I decided to sit down next to her as she held my hand. “Are you sure about this?” I questioned, not wanting to get lost in other thoughts she has.

“Yes. Like you said…you deserve to know.”

I closed my eyes and focused on everything about Asher and Ruth. I’e only done this to someone one other time (unintentionally), and I was still not sure how this all quite worked just yet. It would be nice if there was some kind of manual on the mechanics of this. Suddenly, as I thought that I may be wasting my time, Asher’s face flashed before my eyes. I was seeing everything through Ruth’s eyes, I could feel all of the emotions that she felt, and I could hear everything that was going on around her, as well as what she was thinking. It was as if I traveled back in time to freshman year in high school. We were wearing white button-up blouses and navy blue skirts—our school uniforms. I did not know why we had to wear uniforms at public school, and it was not like we went to a Catholic school either, but we had a very strict dress code to abide by. My long blonde hair was pulled up into a ponytail, and my jade eyes were outlined with black eyeliner. I was sure Ruth had her brunette hair up in a ponytail as well and was wearing make-up around her brown eyes, but I couldn’t see that since I was her right now. Ruth and I were talking about some nonsense that had just happened with some students in Mr. Porter’s classroom when Asher walked into the room. Her eyes instantly strayed away from me to the new classmate. My heart started to race as his intense blue eyes stared through me. His short black hair was fashioned with a spikiness to them. He wore the strap of his backpack swung on his left shoulder and a white button-down long-sleeved shirt with navy pants. I found it hard to catch my breath, and I became nervous. Ruth’s senses had completely overrun mine as I saw Asher in this new light. Ruth must’ve glanced over at me for a moment because I heard her internal voice say, Sarai must like him too…She is studying him as much as I am.

Just as quickly as I saw this memory, it passed. Now, I was sitting in the cafeteria by myself when my then self walked up to sit with me. I couldn’t tell if we were still in freshman year or if we had progressed to sophomore year. It could have been weeks, months, or even a full year later by this point. In Ruth’s perspective, I looked at my old self and started, “Do you find the new guy interesting, Sarai?”

“I find that something is interesting about him,” I replied with little interest on the subject while taking a bite of my spaghetti. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason, really…I have just noticed that you have been spending a lot of time with him these past few weeks.”

“It isn’t really by choice right now, Ruth. I don’t even see him after school or know anything about him. The only reason it may seem like that is that we have all the same classes.”

“Why do you say that he is ‘interesting,’ then?”

Before I answered, I looked around to make sure no one was listening or near, then, in a quiet voice, stated, “I just don’t trust him. He freaks me out because I never experienced this situation before in my life.” Ruth’s eyes wandered away from my face and rested on Asher, who was staring at her from the back of the cafeteria. I could feel my face becoming warm. “I can’t hear his or anyone’s thoughts when he is around.”

Ruth’s heart must have weighed heavy on my last remark as I was abruptly absorbed with sadness. “Well, that sounds like you two would make a great couple.” She began looking back at me with a feeling of disappointment. “Maybe there’s a chance that you don’t have to put up with your abilities 24/7 now.”

“What, and use him? That wouldn’t make me any better than the rest of these people,” I replied, rolling my eyes and taking a sip of some soda. “I mean, he is an attractive person, but I’m not interested in him like that. My interest in him is more figuring out a science experiment than anything else.”

She giggled at this. “Are you calling him a freak of nature?” Her eyes moved back to him and noticed that he was smiling as if he were laughing, but at what? He wasn’t sitting with anyone, and he couldn’t have heard what she had just said.

I laughed at her question. “No, not exactly. That wouldn’t be fair to call him that. I mean, look at me.”

Another few months flew past, and a barrage of faces, voices, colors, and shapes whizzed by, making me feel a little disoriented until it slowed a little bit to focus on greetings Ruth and Asher exchanged in the halls at school. Everything stopped moving as quickly, and I found myself sitting alone in the lunchroom again. This memory was around the time we were in our junior year. The sun was shining through the windows, the grass was a bright, healthy green, flowers were blooming outside, and there were birds everywhere.

I saw someone walking towards me and looked up to find Asher smiling back at me. “Hello,” he said.

A smile spread across my face, and I became extremely nervous. “Hi.”

“So where’s your friend, Sarai?” he asked.

“She isn’t feeling well today.”

“Oh,” Asher replied with a little disappointment. “May I sit with you?” he asked politely.

“Yes!” she replied excitedly, allowing her emotions to show. I felt my face grow hot again from embarrassment.

He only smiled at her as he took his seat. I could only assume that she was smiling as well because my cheeks started to hurt.

“So, how long have you and Sarai known each other?”

“Since we were about six years old, maybe. We met in Kindergarten.”

“That must be nice to have a friend for a decade…I never had that.”

“Why not?”

“My family moves around a lot.”

“I’m sorry to hear that…We have just stuck together for so long because we just don’t fit in anywhere else. Well, I mean, we are best friends because we have a lot in common, but we don’t really fit in anywhere else either.”

He smiled at her. “I couldn’t help but come to you. I know we have been coming to the same school for two years now, but I always noticed you…The first day I walked into Mr. Porter’s classroom, I immediately only saw you.”

My face became hot again as he spoke. Staring deeply into his eyes, I didn’t say a word, nor did any thoughts cross my mind. Looking at him was as if I were scrutinizing a piece of artwork.

Before I could fully grasp everything that was happening, I was thrown through another multitude of memories. Various dates Ruth and Asher had been on flashed before my eyes: kissing and intimate moments I wish I could unsee passed by.

Finally, it was graduation night. Ruth and I were still in our gowns, joking around while getting ready to leave. Asher had appeared from behind a tree and Ruth, staring at him, looked back at me, saying that she needed to go talk to her mother. I told her I was headed home, and we made plans that included her coming over that night. As soon as I had left, she walked over to Asher and hugged him. A hug that was not returned to her.

He looked pale, and there was a pained expression on his face. “What’s the matter?” Ruth asked, her heart skipping a beat at the sorrow he wore on his face. She had never seen him look like this before, and it was truly worrisome for her.

“Let’s go somewhere quiet. I have something important I need to tell you.” There was a desperateness in his voice, yet a certain harshness to his tone. It was obvious that whatever it was that he wanted to discuss, it was not something that he wanted to do.

Ruth’s heart sank, and tears started to blur her vision. She already knew what was going to happen, and she definitely did not need my abilities to know what he was thinking. But she still reluctantly followed him away from the crowd of the recently graduated seniors and into the unoccupied parking lot where they sat in his car.

She didn’t speak and couldn’t move as she sat in the vehicle. It soon felt as though she had completely lost the ability to function.

Asher cleared his throat. “I’m having to leave for a while,” he stated slowly, “and with where I need to go, it’s best that we…” He paused for a minute, and after taking a deep breath, he finished his statement, “I feel that…it’s just best that we break up,” he finished, stumbling over his words.

Just as if a levee broke, her tears began pouring down her cheeks, and she could not make herself look at him. “Where do you need to go?” she asked in a monotonous tone, knowing that the decision was final, knowing that no matter how much she pleaded for him to reconsider, it would make no difference. She was also someone who refused to beg.

“I can’t tell you that,” he responded. “Please, Ruth, please believe that this is the last thing that I want to do,” Asher pleaded, wanting to hold her but knowing he couldn’t tell her.

“Then why are you?” Her voice broke as she questioned him.

Asher stared at her, but she refused to meet his gaze. “I cannot tell you that…It’s safer this way.”

“Then what’s done is done,” she responded coldly as she opened the car door.

Asher’s hand grabbed hers before she could get out. “Ruth, I love you.” One small tear rolled down his cheek. The glance at him was so brief that it made me believe that she didn’t even notice the tear.

She jerked her arm away from him and walked off alone.

I let go of Ruth and stared at her in disbelief for a few minutes. “You kept a relationship a secret from me for two years?” I asked in disbelief. “I am your best friend! Where do you get off being mad at me for threatening to listen to your thoughts while you started dating someone five years ago! Do you seriously not trust me that much? And you never once thought about telling me until your ex comes back to town!”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“What possible reason could you have for keeping this a secret? Did you think I wouldn’t approve?”

She looked down at her feet, guilt and shame on her face. “I don’t have an explanation.”

“You have to have some type of reasoning. Especially since you couldn’t tell me you two broke up on graduation day! You told me that you were upset about something that your mother had said!”

Ruth sighed. “Asher wanted me to keep it a secret…I don’t know why,” she started. “At first, I thought that he may be ashamed of me, but he assured me that it wasn’t that. He told me that he mostly didn’t want you to know for some reason. I asked him if there was a specific reason, like maybe he really wanted to be with you, or, I don’t know, maybe he didn’t like you. But he said no, none of that was true, but he felt that maybe you wouldn’t like him dating your best friend or some excuse like that, so I didn’t tell you. I just figured you already would have known, even before he requested that I kept it a secret.” Ruth got up from the bed and started playing with the locket on my dresser. “You know…you two aren’t very different.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked more offensively than I intended.

“He is telepathic also, Sarai.”

“Asher never told me that,” I stared in disbelief. “You didn’t tell him I was, did you?”

Ruth looked at me with a smile. “That’s not my secret to share. I never thought about it around him, either. Well, I tried not to make any connections between the two of you around him. Anyway, he never said anything about you.” She waved her hand as if to say, ‘It’s nothing to worry about.’

I didn’t say anything more but just watched her play with the locket. This day had been very odd for me. How could all of this have happened without me picking up on it? Why would Asher want Ruth to keep this a secret from me? What was he playing at? Did he have some sort of plan? There was something wrong and disturbing with this whole situation. Maybe I was right to be suspicious of him when we first met.

“You can have the locket if you want,” I finally said, getting up and walking over toward her.

“No, it’s yours,” she replied with a sigh.

“To be honest, after seeing him through your eyes and knowing how you felt about him, I’d rather not have it.” It was a haunting feeling to have loved and lost in a matter of seconds, even though it wasn’t me who was in love with the person in question. I had never had a boyfriend, but I now knew the emptiness that came from the sting of your first love.

“Well, I certainly don’t want it, especially not to be reminded of him.”

“Fair enough,” I replied, looking down at the locket. The red jewel looked as beautiful as ever, and then I remembered the strange incident that had happened moments before Ruth’s arrival. “Ruth, has this jewel looked strange to you in the whole time that you have been holding it?”

“The only thing that strikes me as odd is that I have never seen anything like it befor,” she retorted. “What do you mean by strange?”

“No…It’s not that,” I replied, grabbing it out of her hand.

“Then what?”

“Nothing,” I replied as I studied the locket further. This time, it didn’t do anything. “It must have just been my imagination.”