Chapter 45

He’d been quiet again and it was getting on her last nerve. She didn’t think she liked the chatty version of him, but she definitely didn’t like the silent one. Getting out, she looked around. “I guess we have some shoveling to do.” She pointed. “Key is supposed to be in that little shed. See if there’s a shovel there too.”

It was weird that a little house was in the middle of nowhere. She turned in a circle. It was in the open, which should make it easier for her to keep watch, but it made her feel uneasy at the same time. They’d be heading out in the morning again.

Griffin came back and unlocked the door, and then started shoveling toward her.

She grabbed some of the bags from the truck and started for the door, she didn’t care how deep the show was. She had to go through everything before it was time for the ops and hoped Illias sent instructions on how to set up the gear without leaking a signal or whatever it did.

“You’re quiet.” She walked by him.

“A lot to think about.”

She set them inside the door and turned back to get more. “You can’t talk and think at the same time?”

He stopped shoveling and looked at her, “You don’t like chatting.”

“I don’t like heavy silence either.”

“You’re very hard to please.” He mumbled and went back to shoveling.

Blaise glared at him and then turned and went back to get more out of the truck. On the way back she stopped and looked at him, “We need to figure this out; we’re going to be stuck in each other’s faces for,” she jerked her shoulders up, “who knows how long.”

He paused with the shovel full of snow. “This?”

She nodded and started walking. “Us.”

Setting the things down, she turned to go get more, and he was right behind her.

“I didn’t know there was an us.”

“You know what I mean.” She waited for him to move, but he didn’t, he just continued to stand there like a wall and block her from leaving. Puffing out her cheeks, she blew the breath out; she turned and picked up the things she had just set down and walked across the room, she’d clean up the wet floors later, she decided.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He was standing at the door, blocking any space she could have used to go back out. “You tell me we’re mates, but we don’t talk about it.” He lifted his hands and let them drop. “You tell me I can leave when this is all done but skirt the issue when I inquire about the chance of staying with you.” He repeated the motion. “You tell me to stop chatting and then get upset when I do that.” He made an exasperated sound. “I can’t stand up for you, but you can flip out on some guy for saying what everyone else thought.” He lifted his arms again and held them out. “So what do we do, Blaise? You tell me.”

She scowled at him and then dropped the cases on the table, wincing, she hoped whatever equipment was in them, it would be padded, and she didn’t just damage the system they needed to be a remote part of the ops. “Look, it’s not like this is something that happens every day.” She motioned between them. “Finding a mate was never on my to-do list.” This was not the way she wanted to talk about this. She didn’t know how to talk about this but knew barking at each other wasn’t the way to go.

He snorted. “Being free from Aiden was never on mine, but it happened.”

He had a point. “The way I see it, we have three choices.” She went over and stood a few feet from him, hoping to clear this up and then get on with the things she had to do.

“What are they? The choices.” He had a very guarded look on his face.

“We do what we’ve been tasked and keep moving around and help the teams bring it all down, just like we are, nothing changes, and then you go do your thing or figure out what your thing is.”

“Isn’t that what brought us to this discussion? Nothing changing?” He put his hands on his hips and just stood there staring her down.

She gave him a hard look. “I can get someone else to do this.” She motioned out the window. “Drive you around to safe locations.” She didn’t like the idea, but it was an option.

“No.” That was it. No explanation, just no. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood there.

She snorted. “Option three is ridiculous.”

“What is it?”

“We seal the deal.” She had to stop herself from jolting at her own words, which hadn’t once been in her thoughts. Not once.

“Become mates? That deal?”

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there looking at him; she was too busy trying to figure out why she’d said that. Did she want someone stuck to her side for the rest of her life? She gnawed her lip, she’d never had a close relationship with anyone since she was a child, and that had only been Emersyn. Could she even function with all that mushy crap that, from observing others, seemed to go with mating?

“Blaise.”

She blinked.

“Get out of your head and answer me.”

She frowned, not sure what the question had been.

“Do you want to be mates?” Griffin tilted his head to the side. “Obviously, we already are, but do you want it to be a done deal?” He stepped toward her, and she had to force herself to stand her ground and not back up. “Cat got your tongue?” He smirked; she glared back at him. “Okay, let me tell you what I’d like.” He stopped with only two feet between them, and Blaise felt like she was suffocating as she stood there. “I’d like to have someone in my life that doesn’t hate me, look down at me, or is embarrassed that I am what I am.” The expression on his face softened. “I think that’s something you’ve also never had.”

Her head seemed to nod all on its own; she wasn’t in control of whatever was happening here. Her cat was silent, so she must have been having some sort of out-of-body experience.

“I don’t know the first thing about mates, or being one.” He searched her face. “I don’t even know what it’s like to have someone to talk to, the longest conversations I’ve had since the camp with Noah are the ones I’ve had with you, so I can’t even tell you a bunch of lies about how great it all will be, because I don’t know.”

Her brain was stuck. She couldn’t even think of the conversations they’d had. “I’ve always been alone. I probably suck at having someone around me all the time.”

“We have that in common.”

She realized what they did have in common, and it surprised her. Never had she ever dreamt that someone out there would understand what she’d been through by not being the perfect shifter specimen. “I don’t know anything about mates.”

“Ditto.”

She gnawed on her lip again and stood there staring at him, watching her. “We need to get our stuff out of the truck.”

“We need to finish this conversation. Whenever we discuss something, and it heads somewhere emotional, you run like your tail is on fire.”

“You’re getting pretty cute with the shifter references.”

He smirked briefly. “What’s the saying if you can’t beat them…”

“Join them.” Putting her hands on her hips, she studied him. “Are we really talking about this?”

“You started the conversation.”

She was just about to deny it but realized she had.

“You said we need to figure us out.” He moved closer. “This is us figuring it out, not running away from it.”

She scowled up at him. “I can’t say I’m having any soft feelings for you right at this moment.”

He smirked. “Noah told me that your mate is the person that helps you learn many lessons about yourself.” His eyes searched hers, “and accepts you regardless of your own opinion of yourself.”

That was the first time she’d heard mates described as anything but the ‘they complete me’ crap. “Makes sense, I guess.”

“Being mates sounds like a good partnership to me.” He reached over and put his finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

She wanted to close her eyes, but her cat managed to get her opinion in on it and she wanted the bear in front of them. “So, you want to do this?”

“Do you?”

All she could hear was the two of them breathing. Accepts you kept playing on repeat in her mind. Her brows furrowed. “Are you going to kiss me or what?”

“Kissing, I can do that; it’s the or what part, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don’t expect a user manual from me.”

He smirked. “Of course not.”

She bit her lip and looked at his mouth. “Just do what feels right.” She lifted one shoulder and let it drop, “we’ll see if this works.” It sounded shallow the way she’d said it like it was a tryout for some position or something. Her brain wasn’t working with her right now and her cat, well, she was all for team bear.

“Do you expect it not to work?” He rested her chin between his thumb and finger, she could feel the warmth of his hand cover the whole side of her face. “We’ve been staring at each other for over a week now.”

Had it been that long? She didn’t even know what day it was. She hadn’t slept since meeting the man, and now he wanted all these answers she didn’t have. “This—” she gripped his forearm, “talking now, is not necessary.”

He leaned down, and she could feel his breath on her mouth. “What if I want to tell you what I want to do to you before I do it?”

She could taste him, and her cat wanted in on it now. “Or-or you could just do.”

“You’ll tell me if I need to do more or less?”

“Mmhm.” His mouth brushed against hers, barely a whisper of a kiss. Her cat wanted to bite him. Shit. Leaning back, she looked up at him. “If, um we’re doing the whole deal—you know that involves bites, right?” She was really going to do this. And then what? Take the half-breed home to meet her folks? That was never happening.

He pulled off her hat and worked the tie out of her hair. “I’ve seen them on the others. It’s an important part?”

His fingers threading into her pulled-back hair sent shivers over her body. “Yeah, it is. It’s uh,” she licked her lips, “basically like a wedding band, but very permanent.” He leaned down, and she felt his breath on her neck, she tilted her head to the side. “So, you need to make sure you want that because it doesn’t wash off or anything.”

Griffin straightened and looked down at her, then clamped his teeth together and rolled his lips back. “I can’t call on animal teeth to do that.”

Blaise’s cat was trying to come out through her chest to be near the man. “You don’t know you can’t.” She ran her tongue over her teeth, checking to make sure her cat would at least let her run their body. “Whatever is meant will be, Griff.”

“That would make a good greeting card.” He grinned.

The man had a warped sense of humor, how had she missed that? Oh, yeah, because she’d been running like her tail was on fire. “Griff?”

He cupped her face in both of his large hands and for the first time in her existence, Blaise felt like one of those tiny women. “Mmm?”

“You need to kiss me.” Stick with the facts; suited her and her cat just fine.

“You stopped me to explain about bites.”

She nodded as best she could when her face was sandwiched between his big paws, “now you know.” Her cat moved through her. Shit. “Oh yeah, and there’s another part.”

“What other part?” He grinned. “The part I don’t know anything about?”

She smirked. “No, uh, you can’t touch me until I mark you.” She shrugged. “It’s so the woman has control, and the decision is hers.”

He leaned down, pressed his mouth gently to hers, then dropped his hands away and straightened up. “After what I’ve witnessed, I agree, one thousand percent.”

Blaise blinked and then looked him up and down, “I didn’t mean right this second. I meant,” she flapped her hand in the air, “when we get there.”

His grin was quick as he moved and pulled her closer to him. “This is awkward.”

She frowned. “We haven’t done anything yet.”

“Not that,” he tilted his head to the side. “I still don’t know how to drive this new-sized me.” He gripped her waist in his large hands. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” Her cat was ready to come out and bite him, so he’d shut up and do something.

“Can we take off your weapons? I don’t think getting stabbed would be very enjoyable.”

“Shit.” She stepped back and undid the belt for her holster, then reached down and undid the strap around her thigh. She held it out, and he took it, then she went to work pulling the various knives out. Back, hip, thigh, she bent down and pulled one out of her boot, then paused, trying to remember if that was all. Nodding to herself, she turned and set them on the table and then looked down to make sure she’d remembered everything.

“Only four?”

She shrugged. “The rest are beside my seat, too uncomfortable to wear them while driving.”

“Of course,” he smirked and then sobered quickly. “My bear is being weird.” He rolled his eyes. “Well, weird for him.”

Blaise nodded and moved back to stand in front of him, “my cat wants out to claim you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But she’s not coming out, right?” He motioned between them. “This is between us, with only two legs, right?”

Blaise snorted. “No, she’s not. Some things I’m definitely in control of.”

“Good to know.” He put his hands on either side of her face and leaned down and brushed his mouth over hers. “I like your taste almost as much as the way you smell.”

“Mmm,” she really didn’t want to talk all the way through this. Reaching up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head back down to kiss him again. His kiss was slow and gentle, and she was okay with that, for now. She didn’t want to rush him and make him self-conscious about his lack of experience, but she wouldn’t be able to do this if the speed didn’t accelerate. He cradled her into his body. They fit together like no one ever had with her, making her cat come closer to the surface.

As the kiss deepened, she could taste blood and it set her on fire. Reality hit her and reminded her that blood meant someone was bleeding; she pulled her mouth from his and ran her tongue across sharp teeth. “Sorry, she’s not behaving.”

Griffin licked the blood from his lip and held her look. “I’m not bothered by it. Quite the opposite, actually.” His voice was deep and husky and vibrated through her.

She grabbed a hand full of his hair and pulled his head back down while walking backward and hopefully aiming them for the sofa she’d seen by the window. When her foot hit something, she broke the kiss. It was the bags she’d brought in. “Truck is wide open out there.”

“Are you concerned about it?”

“We don’t want our stuff taken.”

He straightened up and glanced at the window. “You figure there’s a lot of traffic out here?”

She knew there wasn’t; half the roads on the way here hadn’t been traveled in days. “No.”

“Is this you having second thoughts?”

Blaise cocked her head to the side and looked at him, that sounded like coward to her ears. She shook her head, and then her cat was so close that her vision changed, and she knew she was looking at him with eyes that were more her feline’s than her own. Her cat was done waiting, and there was nothing Blaise could do to persuade her to behave.

Grabbing the side of his open jacket, she pulled him toward her, then turned and used her foot to pull his. He stepped back and then sat on the couch. Blaise followed him down and straddled his lap. She shoved his jacket to get it off him.

“Go close the door.” He sat forward and worked the jacket off.

She looked over to see the door was wide open and huffed out a breath. “Don’t move.” Getting up, she ran out the door to the truck, sliding to a stop when she reached it. Closing the two doors, she patted her pocket for the keys. Locking it, she paused and looked around. Nothing in any direction but snow. Perfect. Her cat prodded her to get back in the house.

Running back in, she shut the door a little harder than necessary, but she didn’t care. Bending down, she undid her boots.

As she kicked the second one off, she looked over to see Griffin was still on the couch. He’d taken off his boots, jacket, and shirt. Her cat moved through her and something else—she was going to label it lust.

Yanking her jacket off, she tossed it toward the table and didn’t care if it made it or not.

Pulling her shirt over her head, she realized she’d never had sex when it wasn’t her cycle. That startled her, making her pause for a second. She couldn’t start thinking about that. She started to take off her bra.

“Leave it for now.” Griffin’s voice was so deep it didn’t even sound like him.

She looked down at him.

He shrugged one shoulder. “If I’m not supposed to touch you, stop tempting me.”

She smirked and walked toward him. “Tempting you?”

He held out his hand, and she found herself taking it. “Thirty-year-old virgin here—too much skin all at once will be an overload.”

She grinned and straddled him, “Overload, huh?” He continued to hold her hand. The heat from his bare skin against her waist felt so good. She’d never paused to think of the feeling of skin on skin before and had to wonder if mating was full of other surprises she’d never thought about.

He put his hand behind her and pulled her tight into him. “Can I kiss you before I’m not allowed to touch you?”

She got lost in the way his eyes were changing and felt breathless. Her mate was a spirit bear. She sat there and looked at him, really looked at him. His hair was a mess, he had scruff from not shaving for the last few days and he looked perfect. He was no longer that clean-shaven, evenly parted hair man she had seen when she’d walked into Raymond’s cabin. “Yes.” She whispered and feathered her fingers through his hair.

His kiss was slow and gentle like he was tasting her. As he did, his fingers worked her braid out and she felt her hair fall around to curtain around their faces.

Her cat was content with this, so far, and she knew that was going to end shortly. It was as if she knew that he needed more time to explore her and take her breath and taste inside him. Blaise was surprised how he tasted like something she’d been looking for her all these years and had never been able to find.

He brushed his tongue against hers, and heat shot through her. Now her cat was right there. Before she did something unexpected like take a chunk out of his tongue, Blaise lifted her head and kissed her way down his jaw. He grasped her hair but didn’t pull or guide her head. She licked over his throat, and he growled. She knew the rules, no touching, but didn’t care about it. This was her choice, and he wasn’t doing anything to hurry her. She lifted her mouth from his skin, “I accept you as my mate, Griffin.” Just saying the words felt right; she knew she’d found something she hadn’t even been looking for. Without hesitation, she opened her mouth against his skin and felt her cat step up with the teeth just as she bit into him. The taste of his blood filled her mouth and never had something tasted as good as it did. Griffin gasped, and she felt his hand grip her hair tighter. He wasn’t trying to move her away, he was holding her closer. Releasing his flesh, she licked over it and then paused for a second to watch the blood roll down over his skin. Leaning down, she followed it with her tongue.

“I’m marked?” He was breathless.

“Mmm,” she licked up the blood.

“My turn.” He grasped her hips and stood up, taking her with him. She felt her back hit the couch, and his hands tugged at her jeans. Reaching down, she undid them and then lifted her hips so he could pull them off.

His movements weren’t desperate and he looked into her eyes the whole time. When the jeans were off, he leaned down, grasped her bra, and ripped it apart. Her breath caught in her throat. Reaching, she undid his jeans. He stood up and got rid of them before she had a chance to help.

He knelt on the floor and leaned down to pull her head up. He claimed her mouth in a hard rough kiss, and Blaise felt like her insides were on fire. She moaned against his and found herself lifted in his arms until she was sitting up again. His mouth and hands seemed to be all over her at the same time.

She ran her hands through his hair and down over his back. She could feel the muscles beneath her touch and knew his bear was close. Jabbing her tongue into his mouth, she felt his sharp teeth and pulled her head back, breaking the kiss. “Mark me,” she was breathless and her words were barely whispered, but he heard her.

“Do I have to say words?”

“I don’t care. Just bite me.” It came out as a growl, and she knew her animal was done waiting.

He moved closer and pulled her to the edge of the cushion, she could feel the tip of his erection resting against sensitive folds. She clamped her teeth together, so she wouldn’t rush him, but he needed to hurry up, or she was going to lose it.

His hot breath was against her throat as he brushed her hair out of the way. He gripped her hips and pulled her onto him at the same moment his bite pierced her skin. It felt like her body exploded in every direction.

When she tried to gain some leverage to move, he put his hand underneath her bottom and lifted her whole weight for her. His teeth were holding her in place still and she couldn’t have moved away if she wanted to. He may not have been raised with shifters, but the male possessive part of their specie was very much present. Her cat submitted and was loving it. Blaise held on, unable to process as she climbed higher with each movement of his body.

When he released her neck, she wanted to object, but she found herself on the couch again. He lifted her legs up and thrust into her, and she gasped. Later, when her brain returned, she would have to tell him that the other part he was worried about was not a problem.

Every time she thought she was going to crash over the edge, he changed speed or position, leaving her a quivering mess, unable to communicate that she was going to lose her mind any second. He lifted her again and they were on the floor now. She didn’t know how he was doing it, but he had his arm between her back and the hard floor.

She could taste the salty sweat on his skin, which drove her closer. When he started to suck on his bite mark, she lost all touch with her body. The screaming was her own, and she didn’t care if she had no voice for a week, it was worth it.

He tensed, and she clung to him, remembering through the fog of what he’d done and that this was his first time. His growl sent shivers through her and she waited for him to collapse on her, but he didn’t. There was a three-second pause and then she was lifted up and found herself in his lap as he kept moving.

~

“I feel like purring.”

He chuckled, “Can you? Purr?”

She frowned. “I don’t know, but I’m not going to.”

He grinned and pulled her closer. His mouth moved over her throat, and he pulled his head back. “I did it.”

Blaise gave him a blank look.

“The mark,” he rolled his eyes, “the other part too.”

She grabbed his hair and turned his head and then looked at the teeth marks on his neck. “You did the other part with excellence.”

He smirked. “Regrets?”

Lifting her head, she licked over her mark and was rewarded by him pulling her tight against him. “Only if you get all mushy.”

“Mmm,” he rested his face where her shoulder and neck met, “no mushy stuff, got it.”

Her phone buzzed, and she lifted her head trying to see where it was. Her pants were halfway across the room. “The op. I don’t know how much time we have left.”

Griffin released her and flipped to his back. “I’ll make coffee.”

She sat up and looked down at him lying there sprawled and naked. “First time I wish there was no op.” She blinked and got up before she changed her mind. Her whole body was still buzzing, and for the first time in her life, she felt a peace inside her.

“Hey, Blaise?”

She pulled the phone out of her pants, “yeah?”

“Can we try a bed or something softer next time?”

She looked at him, examining his knee, and grinned. “I didn’t flip us on the floor.” She looked at the phone. “We need to set up the laptop, Illias is calling in five with instructions.”

“We should probably go out and get the rest of the stuff then.”

Blaise looked at the door, her eyes wide. “This distracted brain better not be a permanent thing or I’m going to get grumpy.” She yanked on her jeans and looked around for her top.