76 The First Kiss...
“Oh, I see… So while I’m still a child, you’ll calmly go to fuck others, and I’m supposed to watch this and happily grow up for you?! Isn’t that a bit selfish?!” A wave of indignation presses down on me so strongly that I can’t hold back my anger and the tears welling up. My feelings are tearing me apart, each one stronger than the last. “Fine! Then I’ll just calmly date guys during this time! You know, gain experience… for you, darling!” I spit at him angrily, completely overwhelmed by outrage and hurt.
“Don’t play with me, girl,” the werewolf growls lowly, suddenly too close, grabbing me by the waist. “No guys!”
Tears of hurt roll down my cheeks. The injustice suffocates me with its claws, not letting me breathe.
“I already have a boyfriend,” I say, my voice trembling but firm. “He’s kind and caring, and would never betray me. He deserves to share with me my first kiss, my first warm feelings. And what do you offer me?” I ask painfully, looking into his eyes. “You promise me, ‘Everything will be ours! Just hold on and wait a couple of years, grow up! But don’t be upset! Because in the meantime, I’ll be going after love with other girls! Don’t take it personally, it’s normal, since you’re still little!’ You’re telling me straight up that you’ll be sleeping with others, and I’m supposed to calmly accept this?! Take it as a given?!” I break down into a hysterical scream because I just can’t handle it. It’s pure desperation—I can’t do anything in this situation, and he knows it. And that makes it so painful.
Suddenly, I feel warm lips on mine. They’re so soft, yet insistent, commanding and dominating over me. I’m confused—Zavir is kissing me! Clumsily, but slowly, I respond to his kiss. My head spins from this surge of emotions. It turns out to be so pleasant. But immediately, an incredible and all-consuming bitterness washes over me, because this is exactly how he kissed the other girl, how he gave that same pleasant moment to someone else. I pull away from the werewolf.
“Your first kiss is mine,” he whispers into my lips, and I begin to cry even more.
“How selfish you are… Just yesterday you kissed her, that girl,” I sob, and he hugs me tighter, pressing me against himself.
“We didn’t really have anything!” he says angrily, looking at me. “She worked with her mouth, I with my fingers, and that’s where it ended. Everyone got their release.”
“Oh God. If you said you worked with your mouth too, I would’ve thrown up.”
“That didn’t happen,” he defends himself.
“Am I supposed to feel better because of that?” I look at him, breathing heavily and unevenly. “I understand that our situation is what it is. That you can’t tie your desires into a knot, but I can’t... I can’t accept it... Knowing that you exist and that you’re mine... but with others... I just can’t!” I whisper quietly, my soul tearing from pain, jealousy, and hurt. “Why did you confess to me? It would’ve been better if you stayed silent and remained an unreachable dream for me. Just a man that a foolish little girl fell in love with. I would’ve known you were someone else’s, not mine, and it wouldn’t hurt so much.”
“I wanted to, but I couldn’t bear seeing you in someone else’s arms,” Zavir sighs, confessing.
“Then you have to understand what I feel and will continue to feel,” tears rolling down my cheeks again.
“Baby, don’t cry. I can’t stand to see your tears,” he whispers into my lips and kisses me again, hugging me and pulling me closer. “You’re so fragile, so vulnerable. I’m even afraid to breathe near you, so I don’t hurt you.”
“Then just let me go,” I try to pull away from Zavir. “Don’t write to me or ask to meet. Let me live my life without you the way I see fit, and you live yours. Let’s owe each other nothing — that would be fair and more bearable.”
“I can’t let you go!” my beast growls. “That won’t happen! I’ll kill anyone who comes near you!”
It’s just torture! And how I’m supposed to live now — I can’t even imagine.
“Tanya!!!”
I hear Alina’s shout and see her noticing us, running toward us. She’s hastily dressed, searching for me. There’s worry and anxiety in her eyes.
Stepping away from Zavir, I notice we’re fairly covered in snow. But what’s snow when there’s such a burning fire in my chest?
“I need to go…”