Chapter 177 Music
Chapter 177 Music
CALUM
Music explodes in my ears. My foot bounces on the same spot and my knuckles drum against my knee. I cross my forearms on my forehead, immersed in the sound of my voice. The sound I share with the world. My music.
Music. It’s the only thing that matters right now, and maybe weed. The boys would love for me to try and mingle, but I haven’t been able to get far. Kissing or trying to be intimate with another woman feels like cheating on Cathy, which doesn’t make sense since she moved on. I should do the same.
Maybe after this tour.
A nudge on my knee causes my forearms to separate. Sam. Lucas. Scott. I straighten up.
The boys wave. Their frowns rub me off the wrong way, and my annoyance is a tad evident in the way I say, “What’s up?”
This had better not be another intervention to stop staying indoors or quit the weed. I have reduced my intake. Now, I only smoke when I’m mostly nervous or bored or trying to stay alive.
Lucas throws himself on a couch. His lips move but I don’t hear a thing. Oh, the earbuds. I unplug and drop them on the table. “Come again, I didn’t get that.”
“Just checking in,” Lucas says. Sam nods. Scott laughs.
“You still up for the Late Night show?” Scott asks.
No. I want to stay here and create music. Who wants to fake interest in a show, smile at a host you know nothing about while dozens of people clap each time you breathe or laugh when you crack lame jokes?
“Yeah,” I reply. It’s part of the business.
“Alright.” With that, Scott is gone.
Sam grabs the second gamepad and tosses it to Lucas. They sit across from each other. Lucas starts the game, but the feeling of dread in my abdomen extends to my chest.
“What’s up?” I ask them.
“Just hanging out,” they chorus.
Crossing my legs under me, I watch them attack each other on TV. Something is up. Lucas looks over his shoulder and winks.
“How have you been, man?” he says.
I rub my palm over the leather of my armrest. I can’t believe I bought the house. Why buy it when she won’t be in it?
“Good?” I murmur.
“Spoken to your mum yet?” Sam asks without looking away from the TV.
I don’t know if I’ll ever speak to her in this life. I should. Cathy has moved on, there’s no reason I should hold onto that anger.
“Is she good?” I ask.
An explosion from the TV causes Lucas to laugh. Sam flashes his middle finger, then turns to me. “Yes, she sends her greetings.”
Sam is an idiot. He’s stalling.
The first round of the combat ends. They share eye contact and Lucas averts his gaze before it connects with mine. Their last game replays on the TV. I sigh and throw my hands up. They didn’t come here for games.
“What is it?”
Lucas throws a pointed look at Sam. “Sam?”
“You tell him,” Sam grits out.
“No, you tell him. You’re older.”
“By only ten days, you idiot,” Sam snaps.
“Guys, cut it out. What is it?” I ask.
“Your mum sent us here,” Sam admits. My lips stretch into a thin smile. I curl my fists on my knees, Sam follows the movements. “I know you don’t want to talk to her, that’s why she’s not here. But she made us come.”
“Why?”
“Well...” Sam trails off.
My fingers climb into my hair, tugging from the roots, maybe I should shave it all off. Start afresh.
“Get to it, Sam.”
“Look man, we tried to say no. Ask Lucas.”
Lucas nods. “Yeah. But she was sitting by herself at the studio and looking so sad.”
“Get to the point!”
“Geez,” Lucas spits out. He plucks out his phone from his pocket and throws it to me. “She said the cofounder of BGC—”
“BC,” Sam corrects.
“Yeah, BC. Thanks, man.” Sam nods, and a ghost of a smile flashes across Lucas’s lips. “Anyway, your mum said one of the cofounders is dead and you might want to take a look at the video on my phone.”
“What?” falls out of my lips.
My heart drops to my knees. He cannot be saying what I think he just said. Impossible.
Cathy cofounded BC. She’s one of them.
I unlock his phone and tap on the video. A familiar face appears on the screen. I play it the first time without understanding a word that leaves Ashley Greene’s lips. But the second time, I understand that one of the co-founder of the popular rant app is dead.
A relieved breath leaves my lips. I shouldn’t be glad her best friend is dead, but thank God it’s not Cathy. Fuck. I rake a hand through my hair. Wait, her best friend is dead.
I hit play again and by the end of the video, another person has taken over to inform us that the Greene family wishes to mourn the death of their daughter privately and would be grateful if the public respected their wishes.
Still in disbelief, I check through the official account of BC on Instaagram. They already released a statement. It’s real.
Amelia Greene is dead.
“Fuck,” I scream. The boys jump to their feet. I ignore them and fist my hair.
Cathy will be broken. She will be crushed. She never said it out loud but Amelia was her favourite. I’m up on my feet without thinking. I download the app I uninstalled last year. It has more downloads than it did the last time I checked. Staring at the BC logo, a flood of emotions pulls me under.
Do I create a new account? If yes, what do I say to her? This is where her boyfriend or husband or whoever that fucker is steps in. She’s offline for a reason. No social media. Nothing. She wants it to be that way.
If she wanted to talk to me, she wouldn’t have ignored those letters. My posts had constant engagements. I was crowned BC grand simp. She didn’t want me around her.
“What are we going to do?” Sam asks.
I jerk. I forgot they were still here. “We?” I mutter, scorn dripping into my voice. “It’s not our problem. We will do nothing about it.”
As the words leave my lips, bile rushes to my throat. Sam and Lucas share another suspicious glance. What? It’s not in my place to comfort my ex-girlfriend.
“Just to be clear, you’re not going to Wells?” Lucas asks.
My hands drop to my waist. I glare at him. He has always been the one to voice out his thoughts and opinions, however stupid they are.
If at all I’ll be in Europe, I’ll only be at the places we have the tour.
“And why would I do that?” I reply
She has a partner.
She has a kid.
She has a successful company.
She has good friends.
She seems happy.
Why would she want to see or talk to her ex?
“Just asking,” he says. “Your mum made it sound so important and we thought you would... I mean, if anything were to happen to Sam, I would reach out to his family.”
It’s not the same thing and they know it. I turn to Sam and he looks away. They can’t make me feel bad about this. Nope. Amelia Greene wasn’t my friend. She was not even my student. But her sister helped me. Fuck.
“You should at least reach out, Cal,” Sam whispers. “Grief can make us crazy, and a familiar face will make a lot of difference.”
“Yeah,” Lucas chimes in. God knows what Mum told them. “A call or text will be nice.”
I stagger, newly drained by everything that has happened. Do I send a card? A note? A letter? I’m not heading to Wells to mourn with a girl that doesn’t care for my existence. That’s the opposite of moving on.
“No, thank you,” I whisper.
An emotion clutches at my chest. It’s not anger, it’s mostly exhaustion mixed with pain. A raw ache that I know will never go away. I’ll never be able to look at another woman the way I looked at her. No one will stare at me like she does and laugh at me for being an American. Does she still call fries chips?
“She moved on,” I say. I can’t bear to look at my best friends. But my knees buckle and I slump down to the couch. “She has her new family. They can console her.”
Memories of Cathy plague me. She was terribly scared of losing people. It’s why she went through life a bit more carefully, never fully experiencing and exploring or making new friends.
To be fair, if I was still her man, I wouldn’t appreciate Jackson checking in on her. But what if seeing him for a few minutes will make her feel better? I need to stop. I take the first step towards the empty hallway leading to my room. “You two need to stop talking to my mother. If she has something to say to me, let her say it to me herself.”
Only that she can’t. She’s not allowed here and I’ve blocked her on every channel possible.