Chapter 222 Amalie

Chapter 222 Amalie
“I feel like my emotions, and everything is on a roller coaster,” I sigh to Rebekah as we sit in my living room. “That sometimes I’m speaking my mind and other times I am hiding who I am.”

“You learned how to suppress your emotions in front of your parents. You put on a show in front of them to protect yourself and Rose. Then, when you were alone, you were able to let everything out. This is how you learned to cope,” Rebekah says as she picks up her coffee mug. “You and Beren did what you had to do.”

Harold and Rebekah have been a fountain of information as they have been coming over twice a week since Anthony’s birth. Rebekah has been working with me over the last month to deal with everything else that has happened.

Goddess, I thought I was done with therapy. “I finally thought we had made enough progress,” I sigh in frustration.

“You are making progress. Just a lot has happened,” she tells me.

“It’s hard to believe that even more has happened in my short life,” I sigh as I adjust myself and my one-month-old.

“But how much better off are you?” she asks. “Our struggles shape us.”

“I want to say that I would have been a good Luna without the suffering, but I know I’ve been able to connect better with those that have joined my pack,” I say.

It is true, the abuse I suffered made me more aware of what the witches went through and able talk with them about it. Also, a few wolves have joined us from other packs through the Alpha councils' findings. Wolves have been switching packs to get away from abuse that has come to light.

“Healing is never a straight line. You are going to have good days and then bad days,” Rebekah says again. She has told me that several times over the months. Rebekah says it as a reminder that things will get better.

“I know. It always seems that I have bad days,” I point out with a frown.

“Because they typically stick out more than the good days. Unless something major happens, the good days fade to the background,” she points out in return.

It’s like Anthony knows that our conversation has come to a lull. He let’s out a cry.

“May I,” Rebekah asks with her arms open.

I pass my son over and she starts to rock him. Anthony calms almost immediately and starts to fall asleep.

“How is Rose doing in school?” the Luna asks.

“Thriving,” I laugh. “She absolutely loves going and has made so many friends. Preschool has been amazing for her.”

“The newness hasn’t worn out yet?” she asks with a smile.

“Not even a little,” I say. “Every day she comes home with a story about what she did and her friends. The teacher says that Rose is so sweet to everyone.”

“If course she’s sweet,” Rebekah laughs, “that little girl knows the worst of us and still chooses kindness.”

“She doesn’t know how to be unkind,” I smile. I watch Rebekah rock and sooth Anthony like her own. “You are a natural with him.”

“So are you,” she says with a smile. “If anyone thinks that they are the perfect parent right off the bat, is lying or trying to appear that way. Parenting takes time and practice.”

“I thought I had the practice,” I grumble.

“You did,” Rebekah points out. “But you did not have to breast feed Rose or run a pack.”

“That is very true,” I sigh. “I had the same type of routine as I do with Anthony, but I was alone.”

“And now you have mates, family, and friends who want to help,” she laughs.

“More than I know what to do with. Anthony cries in the middle of the night, one of the twins is already up and feeding him. I wake up to make breakfast, and dad has breakfast already delivered and plated before I leave the room,” I say, trying not to sound ungrateful.

“But it makes you feel like you are failing as a mother?” Rebekah asks.

“Yes,” I answer.

“When I finally it pregnant and had our first son, the elders were falling over themselves trying to help. They thought that they would be able to buy my appreciation,” she laughs. “Several kept bringing prepared meals, as if we did not live at the pack house. Another tried to take on more pack responsibilities, that they had no clue how to do.”

I know Rebekah well enough to know that the elders failed.

“One went as far as hiring a nanny for me. That woman was a holy terror,” Rebekah scoffs with a smile. “She tried to tell me how to nurse my son and when. She tried to clean Harold and I’s room. Then told me I was not being a good wife.”

“By the third day, Harold had enough of her and told her to leave. The elder that hired her became upset and tried to hire another nanny,” she continues.

“What did you do?” I ask.

“I may have slapped the elder and told her to mind her own household,” Rebekah laughs.

“I don’t think slapping my family or friends is the solution to my problems,” I sigh.

“No, but you can talk to them and set boundaries,” she points out.

“That is easier said than done,” I laugh slightly.

“No one said that it would be easy. Life is rarely easy. But the best things are the ones that are hard fought,” the Luna points out.

“How has things been going with the alliance?” I ask. Since I haven’t been able to leave the pack yet, I want details.

“You know, Stephanie is excited to host you next week,” Rebekah says with a smile.

“I know, I’m excited to go see her pack,” I say excitedly.

“Excited to leave the pack or go see a friend?” Rebekah asks with a sly smirk.

“Both, I’m excited for both,” I answer. “I’ve only left the pack once and that was for the date with my mates.”

“You’re excited to see the big wide world,” she laughs.

“Is it hard to travel with a newborn?” I ask.

“It can be. I would let your mates handle Rose and Anthony as you have never flown before. You will be overwhelmed just by being your first time traveling. Having the twins traveling with and taking care of your kids will make things easier to travel,” she advises.