Between Denial and Desire
The door closed softly behind Talia, the room settling into silence. The moment Talia closed the door, Mira let her eyes widen. She had kept her eyes shut, her breathing even, as if sleep had claimed her. But the moment Talia’s footsteps faded down the hall, her lashes fluttered open.
She had been asleep before, but the moment Talia scooped her from the sofa she woke up, though she kept her eyes closed. At first, all she wanted was to savor the warmth of being carried to the bed, cradled like something precious. She hadn’t expected Talia to go further to tuck her in with such care, to turn the simple act into something that felt like a short, wordless romance.
Her heart was still racing, beating so fast it almost hurt. The warmth of Talia’s arms lingered on her skin, the strength of Talia’s chest pressed against her cheek when she was carried. The way she handled her with care, like a baby, like something fragile ,the look in her eyes, like signaling let me have you for dinner.
Her fingers knotted in the blanket, pulling it up to her chin, as if the fabric could hide the blush rising to her cheeks.
She sat down hard on the bed, her heart racing as she replayed the moment in her head.
“Why did she look at me like that?” she whispered to herself, her voice barely audible. “Like she wanted… too…” She paused and touched her lips, her face scrunching up in a mix of confusion and excitement. She buried her face in the bed, her thoughts swirling with possibilities, and she continued tapping the bed in excitement.
Her breath caught as her mind replayed it the way Talia had leaned just a little too close, how her eyes had softened, lingering on her lips. Mira’s chest tightened with an unfamiliar ache. She almost wished Talia hadn’t stopped. She almost wished that kiss had happened.
A whisper escaped her before she could stop it.
“Wait… why am I excited because of this? Shouldn’t I be angry? Am I… falling in love with her?”
She paused, staring at herself in silence for a few seconds, then quickly tried to brush it away.
“No. Absolutely no way I would fall for her. Didn’t I used to be straight? Then why would I fall for her? I’m just happy she carried me to my room ..that’s all. Yes… the feeling of being carried to the bed like a baby, it’s worth the excitement, nothing more than that,” she said, forcing out a fake laugh, trying to assure her brain her heart is not fluttering
But her heart was saying otherwise probably beating in rhythm with the very words she had just denied.
She tried cramping herself under her duvet to avoid reality, but the heart wouldn’t stop doing things its way. She didn’t know when she bit down on her lip, butterflies swirling madly in her stomach.
“Whether Talia is a lesbian or not, Talia is too good for anyone not to fall in love with her. Too caring and attentive, too pretty, and at the same time too handsome,” she whispered to herself.
That alone made her smile shyly to herself. And with that smile still tugging at her lips, Mira finally slipped into a real, gentle sleep.
……..
In the other room, Talia lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Her blanket was pulled up to her chest not enough to shield her from cold, but at least it did little to quiet the restless pounding of her heart.
The memory refused to leave her, unspooling again and again in her head: Mira curled on the sofa, her delicate shoulders bare, her lips parted softly as she slept. The faint blush on her cheeks. The way she had nestled against her chest as if she belonged there. That sleepy face and those heavy lower lips that she could only see but not touch, or have in her mouth.
Talia squeezed her eyes shut, dragging a hand over her face.
“Get a grip,” she muttered to herself. “Saving her doesn’t mean she belongs to you. Get a grip, she will be gone soon.”
But no matter how many times she told herself to stop, Mira’s image returned—softer, sweeter, impossible to ignore. Talia turned to her side, clutching the pillow as though it could cage her thoughts, but the warmth wouldn’t fade. Sleep only came hours later, restless and shallow.
……..
Morning broke with quiet sunlight slipping through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. The sounds of the birds chirping outside woke Mira up. She stirred beneath the sheets, stretching lazily. As she reached out, her hand brushed against her wheelchair already neatly parked, waiting for her.
A small smile tugged at her lips. She thought of me first thing.
She settled into it carefully and wheeled herself out into the sitting room. The faint scent of food reached her before she even got there. On the table sat a plate, still covered, steam faintly rising from beneath. Beside it lay a folded note, neatly placed where she couldn’t miss it.
Her fingers trembled a little as she picked it up and unfolded it.
“Good morning, Mira. Didn’t want to disturb you since you were still sleeping. Breakfast is ready. The bath water is warm and waiting. Don’t forget your medicine. I went to work already. I’ll be back later. – T.”
Mira’s chest tightened. She placed the note down carefully, staring at the words as though they carried more weight than paper could hold.
She uncovered the plate, revealing a neatly prepared meal. Her lips curved into a helpless smile. Every detail spoke of thoughtfulness, of care. Talia hadn’t just looked after her she had anticipated her every need.
She took a bite, savoring the warmth spreading through her body, and leaned back in the chair.
“No,” she whispered to herself, shaking her head with a soft laugh. “Talia is definitely a good person no, maybe the best person. Whoever ends up with her… won’t get any luckier.”
But the butterflies in her chest told her she wasn’t speaking about whoever.
Maybe she was speaking about herself.