Chapter 7 MATE
Things are moving very fast and I need the think quickly. It is like my mind is in a whirlwind. I am finally here in front of my mate and he knows who I am.
My heart beats fast and my stomach is full of butterflies at the word mate. It feels nice to hear him admit it. Does this mean he has accepted it?
His hand gently touches my face while his eyes search mine. A warm sensation fills my body and tingles are left behind by his touch. Before I know what I am doing I am leaning into it. I crave for more.
The world has now stopped and we are the only ones in it. Nothing matters besides me and him. I want him. No I need him and I can only hope he feels the same about me.
His silence is deafening, offering no insight to his true feeling for me. He is revealing nothing, although I know that he is so deep in thought. His smile is enough to assure me, but when it becomes suddenly serious I feel doubtful again.
"You ran from me." He mumbles, sounding a bit hurt and dropping his hand by his side. "Why?"
This brings me out of my trance and all my senses come back to me. I take the moment to step away from him. I can't let him feel anything for me until he knows everything. He deserves to know what I have done.
At first he has a look of confusion on his face from my actions, but it is only seconds before it turns into anger.
"You're rejecting me?" He asks.
I flinch at his harsh tone. "No." I insist. "Not exactly."
"Then what?" He demands.
He isn't using his Alpha tone on me which I am thankful for, but it doesn't make me feel any better either. It doesn't ease the guilt I am feeling over my actions.
I let my eyes wonder back to the ground again as I think over my ways to explain to him. It would not be easy.
"So it's true then. She is your mate." His dad says emotionlessly.
"She is." Logan confirms.
"Then why did you run?" His father now asks me, the disappointment still etched across his features unrelenting.
"I have a better question." My mate says. "Why didn't you look as surprised to find out I was your mate as I did. In fact you didn't seem surprised at all."
"I-I um..." I start, but fail to find the words to continue.
I honestly don't know what to say to him. Should I tell him I've known for nearly a week now?
"You already knew didn't you?" He asks "And don't lie. I'll know if you are."
I nod my head regretfully before looking back up to meet his eyes."For a few days." I admit. "I've known since the pack meeting."
I hear a gasp come from my mom and dad at my confession, but I don't dare look at them. I know they are not happy with my secret.
"And you still went out to that horrid club with that no good Doreen?" Mom scolds.
At that Logan goes livid. I don't think I'd ever seen him so mad in my life. It scares me.
I start to slowly back away from him in case his wolf loses it because right now I am not so sure he has himself under control.
"You went to a club with other men?" He yells.
His fist quickly collides with the hood of the vehicle in front of him causing a massive dent to form on it.
My heart rate skyrockets at his anger.
I am so scared. "I didn't do anything." I say, but it only comes out as a mere whisper. "I only went to....."
"To what? Drink and possibly be taken advantage of by some stranger. Are you that reckless?"
His tone is harsh towards us and it makes my wolf feel ashamed. She just wants his affection but instead all he offers us is anger. He is too upset to show us anything else.
"She shows no discipline Logan. She is too rebellious to be Luna," his father interjects. "She should be punished."
My wolf is growing angrily at his father for butting in where he doesn't belong. This is between Logan and I. It has nothing to do with him.
She growls at him inwardly, a low and threatening growl.
"I'll handle this father," he snaps before taking a step closer to me.
"Look, I'm sorry I ran, but it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I never meant for you to find out." I say.
"So you were just going to hide this from me forever?" He says, disbelieving.
"You were, are with Josephine. Who was I to come between you?"
"You are my mate, that's who." He shouts.
Anger is making its way back into his voice. I don't like seeing him this way. When he sees my reaction toward him he visibly calms down.
"You should have told me," he says a little more controlled now.
"I know that now," I confess. "I was in the wrong and I should have handled it differently, but nothing can be done about it now. What has happened has happened."
You hurt him. My wolf whines. You hurt our mate.
I know, but what can I do about it now? I state.
Comfort him. Make him feel better. She suggests.
As much as I want to I don't know if that is a good idea or not. We still haven't settled things and he has not made it clear what he plans to do about us yet.
He may not want us. And even if he does, all of that might change after I tell him about the man in the cafe. I don't know what he will do when he finds out what I have done.
After a long silence he finally decides to speak up again.
"Look," he sighs. "It's already late and I don't feel like dealing with what I came here for now. I think we should all rest and deal with this in the morning with a clear mind."
I can't have agreed more with his statement. I think it would be for the best tonight. So much has already happened and there is no sense in adding anymore to it. Besides, maybe if I give him a day to calm down over what has already happened he may be more forgiving then delivering all the news to him at once.
"I think that's a good idea," Mom says. "You two can talk about this in the morning when everyone has had time to calm down and think."
"Can I trust you until then or should I take you home and lock you away?" He asks me. He is dead serious and it causes me to swallow nervously while my heart beats at an irregular rate.
I know better than to test him right now. One wrong thing could cause him to go crazy wolf on me again and that I don't want to see. One time has been enough for now.
"Yes." I answer. "I promise not to run again."
"I don't trust her." His father speaks again.
I have to hold myself back from snapping at him. If it wasn't for the fact that he is my mate's father I would have. I don't think he should like that very much no matter the circumstance. However my wolf is dying to bite his head off.
Logan is quiet for a moment, seemingly to be in thought from his father's words. With a contemplated sigh he finally speaks.
"Maybe it would be a good idea if you came with us."
"What? No." I shake my head. "I'm fine here. I promise you I wouldn't run."
My wolf is angry at me for that. She wants him to take us with them because that would mean we were together. She wants Logan's wolf and I don't know if I could stop her. That is part of the reason I refuse to go.
I don't want to do anything I'll regret later. When our wolves take over we are merely backseat passengers to our lives. We can only watch what is happening not control it and that is a problem for me. I don't like to relinquish control to anyone.
"I know, but my wolf doesn't want to let you go after we just found you. The only thing that will put him at ease is to be near you," he explains.
"And what about Josephine?" I question. "You've hardly mentioned her in all of this. What does this mean for her?"
I wait impatiently for his answer as does my wolf. She is just as curious about it as I am. We both need his answer before this can go any further. He has to choose what is most important to him.
"I don't know." He replies wearily. "I can't think about it right now."
That is not the answer I want to hear. If he can't choose me over her then I obviously don't mean as much to him as he has let on.
"Then I won't go with you. I refuse to be second place to my own mate. You need to choose and until then I'm staying here." I declare.
He immediately looks regretful of his words and tries to reach out and grab my hand. Seeing his attempt to touch me, I quickly pull away from him, sending him a glare. I wouldn't allow him to influence me with our bond. There is no way that would be a fair fight. I wouldn't be able to resist him that way.
I need my mind to be clear and unaffected by him. It is the only way to keep my distance until he makes his choice.
"I don't know if I can let you. I want you with me," He admits.
"If you force me to go, I'll never forgive you. You'll have to take me kicking and screaming," I warn.
He looks torn by his options, but doesn't object. It makes me respect him just a little bit more, that he is taking my decision into consideration. He can make me go regardless of the consequence so that gives me hope that maybe he cares enough about me to give me a choice. I still can't hide my hurt though. He still has not picked me, and my wolf is not happy. "We can send someone to patrol the house if you'd like."
That is the first time Beta Andrew has spoken since everything came out about the two of us. He probably suspects something is up though by my pleading in the woods. I'm sure it all makes sense to him now.
"If it will help keep your wolf at ease then I would have to agree," his dad pipes in.
"Whoever we send won't let her leave, if that's what you want," Andrew adds.
My anger rises and I sent the Beta a glare. They are standing here talking about me as if I wasn't even here. They are treating me like some adolescent child in need of punishment.
I am an adult! They can't keep me captive in my own house.
With the nod of his head Logan agrees. "It is."
This time I can't stop the growl that erupts in me. I am angry and want to let everyone around me know it.
"No! I have school and a Job. You can't keep me here." I say.
I can see that trust is going to be an issue between us from now on. He still doesn't trust me on my own even after I have promised him. This isn't going to be easy to forgive. When I promise something I always stick to it, but he doesn't give me a chance to prove that to him.
"Then you will be followed to and from." He states.
"I don't need babysitters. I am perfectly capable of getting there on my own."
He has only found out I am his mate less than an hour ago and he is already smothering me. One of the down sides of belonging to an Alpha I suppose. Plus the fact that I ran from him doesn't help my case in the trust department. That is my own fault I guess.
As if he hasn't even heard me, he nods his head at the Beta then looks back to me. "Andrew will stay here until I send out someone else. You can go to school and work but that is all."
"That's not fair!" I shout.
He takes another step forward until our chests are almost touching. I can feel his breath fanning my face driving my wolf crazy. She is clawing at me to get out.
His face becomes grave when he looks at me, making me feel a little more intimidated than I'm used to. "I am your Alpha. I am not required to be fair. I do what I believe is best and having someone watching over you is best. I won't hear anymore about it, is that clear?"
He uses his Alpha tone on me. It hurts. Not physically, but emotionally it does. He is ordering his own mate around like I am just another pack member. Why would he treat me any different? That is a silly thing to expect from him. He takes his duty very seriously. His job comes first before anything else.
"Is that clear?" he repeats, his eyes hard.
I swallow, trying to push back my unshed tears and nod.
"Good." His face softens slightly. He tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear and backs away from me.
"I'll be back tomorrow morning before you leave for school. Be expecting me."
He opens the door to the vehicle without taking his eyes from me and starts to slide in. Before he can close the door after him I can't stop myself from calling after him. He pauses at the sound of his name.
"Thanks for trusting me." I say, sarcasm is heavy in my voice.
He frowns at my statement. "Trust is earned not given."
"But how can I earn it when I've not even been given the chance to?" I shoot.
With a heavy sigh he replies, "We'll discuss it tomorrow."
He quickly gets inside the car followed by his father, leaving Andrew behind, just as he has promised. My parents' disapproving eyes are on me the entire time.
When they pull away, Andrew jumps into his wolf form shredding what clothes he is wearing and runs into the woods behind us. I can feel his eyes on us from the distance. He is taking his job seriously. Not that I think he wouldn't. He is very loyal to Logan and they are best friends so it is to be expected, I guess.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Mom asks, not hiding her disappointment.
"Mom can we please not do this right now?" I sigh, walking into the house ahead of them.
Dad clears his throat. "I think you owe us an explanation, don't you?" Once we are inside the living room I spun to face them. "I don't know what I can tell you that you don't already know. At the pack meeting, when he announced his wedding and mating to Josephine, I recognized him as my mate. Before he could find out about me I left and decided not to tell him to keep from ruining his relationship and possible rejection. That's it. That's all there is to it."
I am feeling irritated again after having to explain the situation to them all over again. I really don't know why they need to ask anyway. I think it is quite obvious after the little confrontation tonight between Logan and I.
"That's not what I meant." He clarifies. "Why did you keep it from us? You know that you could tell us anything."
His eyes hold deep disappointment in them. If he is trying to make me feel guilty then he is successful in it. I should have known this would come back to bite me in the butt sooner or later. "I know." I mumble looking down in shame. "I guess I just wanted to forget. The less people that knew about this, the better."
It is the truth. That's why I haven't even told my very best friend, Doreen. She would bug me about just like everyone else and I'd never hear the end of it. At some point the word would have gotten around Logan and that's what I was trying to prevent, but to no avail.
It seems to be unavoidable.
When no one says anything I take the opportunity to end the conversation for the time being. I really just want to put my mind to rest. After today I have a lot to think about.
"I'm going to bed. Our problems will still be here in the morning. Goodnight."
They don't stop me when I leave the room and proceed up the stairs. For once, I think they understand my need to be alone. I yawn as I reach my bed, but I am far from sleepy. I have too much to think about for that. I need to figure out what I am going to do about my situation and most importantly, Logan. There is still so much to work out.