Chapter 40 MY WOLF IS BACK
I am pumped. My body is filled with adrenaline and it is the most alive I have felt in weeks. My anger is driving me. I know as soon as my training session is over with Logan, and my body has time to relax, I'll be exhausted. I'll sleep for days if allowed.
Logan lowers his body and comes at me again. Unlike all the other times, he doesn't knock me on my butt again. My body doesn't crash against the ground under all his strength. I dodge him, sending him flying past me and he hits the ground in surprise. I may not have the strength on my side but I have agility and speed. Those will be my weapons.
He rolls over, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since his fall. Instead of being met with anger or annoyance he is smiling. Almost like a sorcerer over his apprentice or a parent over their child. Then he pushes himself up from the ground and dusts himself off.
"You're doing better than I thought you would." I raise my brow to him and cross my arms. "You didn't think I had it in me?"
Part of me feels smug that I have proved him wrong, while another part of me feels oddly offended. Not that what he thinks matter to me, but he is implying that I am weak. Something I don't want. Something I can't afford to be. Not if I want to live.
"You've surprised me. That's something to admire in a mate. Not many people can do that. But you...you have since I first learned you were my mate."
I stare back at him unwilling to show him any emotion. He doesn't deserve that part of me. I can be civil, but that is all. And the only reason for that is so he can continue training me. I hate when someone talks about me like I am still his mate though. Like the last couple of months never happened.
"We don't have as many differences as you think. Actually we're a lot alike. I know it didn't seem like it at first, but it is true. My dad was influencing me in the beginning. He doesn't get to do that now," he continues. "I like that you're strong and have a mind of your own. That's what makes you different."
I drop my arms to my side and bend down to pick my sweater up off the ground.
"Yeah well, different isn't always good." I slip the material over my tank top and turn to face him. "It can be problematic if you're not careful."
I am trying to discourage his enthrallment in me, though I doubt it is working. I am his mate in his eyes and nothing I can do or say can change that.
"I should probably get cleaned up," I say, feeling my clothes stick to every inch of my body. I want a shower. And to be anywhere else.
I turn my body away from him and take a step back toward the building where my cell is when his voice stops me. "I think you're ready. We've been training all week and you've showed a lot of improvement and skill. I think it's time to let your wolf prove what she can do."
My head snaps to him and my body soon follows. "You letting me train my wolf?" I have to ask to be absolutely sure.
He smiles at my enthusiasm. "I think it's time. How about tomorrow?"
"Yes!" I say immediately. "Tomorrow works great."
He runs his hands through his halo covered disheveled hair and pushes his hands into the pockets of his sweats. In any other world or situation than ours I can easily love him. He is beautiful and at times seems so angelic. I can be with him and be happy. Maybe even have pups and settle down someday.
But sadly we are not in that world, we are in this one. The one where everything is wrong and people are kidnapped. The one where mates reject each other for other wolves and they are just supposed to smile and move on from it.
This is not the world I can love him in. It isn't even the world I can stand him in. He's made his choice and I have made mine. There is no going back from that. It is done and we are over; forever.
"You did well today. We should celebrate that," he offers. "Let me take you somewhere."
Let him? I doubt I'd have a say in the matter anyway. But I try.
"I'm tired and sweaty. I'd rather get cleaned up and rest. Maybe another time."
"Come Grace," he pleads, coming to stand just inches in front of me. "You'll love it. Trust me."
I take a cautious step back and shake my head. "No really, some other time, I promise."
And promises are made to be broken. There will be no date. There will be nothing but training and my forced tolerance of him. That is all.
He lifts his arm with my eyes following him until his hand disappears around behind my head. It slips into my hair and twists in around his finger, bringing all of it to the front of my shoulder and side of my head. His hand drops.
"Just give me an hour. If you're not having a good time by then you have my permission to ditch me. What do you say?"
He is persistent, I'll give him that. I'm just not interested in going anywhere with him. I would much rather pull out all my teeth than sit through an hour alone with him. But if I am going to get free from him I am going to have to agree.
"Yeah. Okay. I'll go." I hate myself for saying it. I step back again, putting some distance between us. "Just let me get cleaned up. I'll see you in a couple of hours." He nods and grins. "Yes. I'll see you to your room and I'll be back to get you at nine."
I frown. "So late?"
He chuckles. "You don't have to look so happy about it. It needs to be dark for what I have planned. It's purely recreational, I promise."
Alone in the dark with him? That doesn't top my list of things I want to do in life. It sends unwelcoming shivers up my spine. And it is the bad kind.
"At nine then," I forcefully agree.
He walks me back to my cell where I gladly get cleaned up and dressed. By the time I am done I feel much more human than animal. The events of the day start to overcome my body with exhaustion just like all the previous days so I settle on my tiny sofa with one of the books he brought me a couple days ago and flip it open to my holding place. The evening passes on peacefully and uneventfully until the knock sounds
on my door. I know it is him even
before the door is opened. I am
expecting him.
The smile on his face tells me he is much happier about tonight than I am. I stand up from the couch, place my book down, and follow beside him out the door.
The night air is cool, but not crisp. It is comfortable. It immediately wakes me up from my sleepy state.
The woods become thicker and darker the longer we walk. When the sky disappears altogether I feel a sense of worry overcome me. What can possibly be this far out in the woods that he wants to show me?
The owls call and the wind shakes the leaves on the trees. Logan grips my hand and pulls me forward when my speed begins to slow.
"Come on, we're almost there," he says. "Just a few more yards."My eyes begin to focus on a blanket on the ground and the small outline of something standing that I can't quite make out at our distance.
The closer we get the easier it is to see what is waiting for us. A telescope comes into full view several feet away. It is pointed up at the night sky toward the stars that I am beginning to see again.
"What's this?" I ask, coming to a full stop at an old oak tree. "We're stargazing?"
We stop at the edge of the picnic blanket and I look up. It is a sky full of stars in the opening above the trees. It isn't nearly as congested as I thought it would be out here.
"I thought it would be a nice change from all your training. You've done well. You deserve it."
I reach out and placed my hand on the telescope, taking a step toward it. Leaning down slightly I press my eye to the scope and take a look. The glowing lights off the stars are glowing bright, filling the sky with their brilliance. They are beautiful. I want to reach out and touch them so much; to be up there with them and far away from here.
My eyes begin to water.
I quickly have to remind myself why I am doing this; why I am still here. It isn't just for me. It was for Samuel and my family too. I am doing this so that I might see them again one day.
I drop my hand from the telescope and turn my head to wipe away my unshed tears before Logan sees them. I know it will confuse him and raise suspicion. As far as he knows I am happy here and am beginning to accept the situation I have been put in.
When my eyes feel dry again I turn to face him. "It's beautiful. I didn't know you liked to star gaze."
He smiles and takes a step toward me to grab the scope himself. "Yes. It's one of my favorite past times. There is just so much history to them."
He looks into the telescope and begins to speak. "Andromeda is best seen during autumn in the northern hemisphere. It's one of the larger constellations." He pulls back from the scope and pushes his hands in his pockets, not taking his eyes off the sky. "Andromeda is known for her beauty and her mother's vanity. Cassiopeia boasted that her daughter was more beautiful than the sea nymphs, provoking Poseidon in the process."
He glances back at me over his shoulder with a wistful smile. "He sent the sea monster, Cetus to attack Andromeda as punishment. She was later saved from death by Perseus and married him. After she died she was placed in the sky by Athena next to her husband and mother."
"Oh," I say, looking up into the sky. I try to avoid his eyes. "I didn't know you know so much about constellations. You seem pretty passionate about them." He shrugs, turning his attention back to the sky. "I found them interesting and studied them. Like I said, I liked their history."
I follow his gaze to the stars again and point to another set. "What are those called?"
"Aries," he answers quickly.
"And those?" I ask about another with an almost W shape.
"Lacerta."
His knowledge is impressive, but in reality I can't care less. I just want to be at home. My real home; the one I once shared with Samuel and hopefully will again.
"Do you have the time?" I ask him. I yearn to change the subject. I need an excuse to get away.
He looks at me, taken aback. "Are you bored already?"
"No," I say, laughing lightly in forced humor. "I just don't want to stay out too late. I don't want to be late to training in the morning."
Surprise passes over his features and he chuckles. "You really do enjoy it, don't you?"
I nod and smile, though it isn't for the reason he thinks. I am enjoying it and because I know I will use everything he has taught me against him in the end. He is writing his own death certificate and he doesn't even know it. It sends a shiver of pleasure through me.
"Are you cold?" he asks. "I didn't bring a jacket. We can go back if you want."
"I do."
He doesn't bother hiding his disappointment at my decision. "Okay," he nods.
"I guess we should start walking then. It will take us a while to get back," I state.
Something brightens in his eyes just then. "Yeah. Or we could run," he offers.
"Run?" I repeat, just to be sure I heard him right.
"Yeah, I mean if you're up for it."
"Of course I am." He knows that I will be and that's what he wants to hear. He wants to end our extremely short date on a good note with me. It seems important to him.
Just after the words leave my lips I feel the ties holding me down on the inside begin to loosen little by little until I feel my freewill returning to me again.
It is a feeling I can't describe any better than that.
At first it is weird for me. Getting used to this new hold he has over me is hard, but I have no choice but to come around to it. I am unable to change it no matter how I feel about it. After the first couple of times I finally get over it.
Not bothering to strip out of my clothes in front of him I let my wolf take over. The chills up my spine begin to spread in a thrilling manner and a gleeful howl rips through my body. I arch over and dig my extending claws into the earth and grip it.
Logan, beside me, does the same.
It is going to be a race back and that excites me. I am free again, even if only for a small amount of time. And I am going to live in it.
Throwing my head back one last time I let out a loud, excited howl and take off into the thick, dark, night sky. This is one race I am going to win.