Chapter 38 CRUELTY DEFINED
I will never willingly mate Logan as he wants, so the only other option is for him to kill me. Unless I can somehow manage to kill him first.
It has been a total of four days since I saw Samuel last. I am slowly dying inside without him. Although I can't use our mating link to connect with him, and I can't use my wolf, I can still feel him. That can fade away soon as well.
I wish I knew what he is feeling. What he is thinking, or if he is looking for me. I know the bond is withering away slowly. Pretty soon his presence will be gone completely.
I need to get someone to trust me. If I can, I might be able to get away from here. If I could get far enough maybe I could contact Samuel. All hope isn't lost.
"You're excused for a while. I'm taking her with me today," an unmistakable voice says. It is one I have grown to loathe so much the past few days.
I watch Logan as he steps into my room. The lights from the ceiling dance over his golden blonde hair as he walks. He looks brighter, a little more alive today than the last time I saw him.
He sits down next to me on the small couch, our bodies nearly touching. I have to fight the urge to move away from him. The only reason I don't is because I don't want to make him mad. He needs to trust me.
"I thought you might like to get out of here a while. We can go outside and I can show you around the pack if you like." His voice and stare are hopeful."I hope you've had time to think about things."
I ignore his last words. "I would like that," I say. "If I'm going to be part of this pack I should know a little about it."
He smiles. "Great. You have shoes in your closet to put on. I'll be outside the door when you're ready to go."
I feel the briefest amount of excitement through my veins when he leaves and I jump up to get my shoes. They are a pair of sneakers and I slip them on as fast as I can.
The idea of spending the day with Logan doesn't appease me but at least I will get to breathe fresh air again. Baby steps, I have to remind myself. This is my first trust exercise.
I walk to the door somewhat eager to get out of the room that keeps me prisoner for what feels like weeks instead of days. Time doesn't exactly speed by when you can't do anything except stare at blank white walls. It's enough to drive anyone insane.
Logan is waiting for me just like he had promised and takes my hand as soon as I am within reaching distance. I want to shrink the second our skin touch. I don't like this. Not one bit. I am not his!
Trust, my brain says again. I hate that constant reminder. I know what I have to do. I have had days to plans everything out while in solitary confinement.
I don't bother looking in the other cell doors as we pass them. I am afraid of what I may see. That poor tortured man's face flashes through my mind again and I wince. I don't want to end up like him.
Soon Logan and I are standing at a set of large stone steps leading up an entry way. It's a door! I want to shout. He gently tugs me with him as we climb our way to it. I am growing impatient, yearning to feel the heat and sunlight on my skin again. It has been so long. A smile spreads across my face as the door comes open, but we are still at the underground cells.
"We have a few levels to go through before we're there." he says. He must have seen my disappointment.
Like he said we pass through several other levels. By the time we reach what he says is the main door, we have climbed three sets of steps. I am being held on the bottom floor. It would be impossible for me to escape from there alone. There are too many floors and guards to go through. It would have to be when I am outside. Once they trust me alone, I'll make a run for it.
Finally. My smile is back again when I feel the fresh, clean air on my skin. The light from the sky touches everything around us, making it bright and beautiful. I want to shed my attire and shift. The wind through my fur would surely soothe me.
But I can't shift. Logan is making sure of that.
I try to not let that get me down. I am outside again! I am at least happy about that. Logan releases my hand only to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me to him. Our chest's touch and I can feel his heart beating against mine.
As my smile falters I quickly replace it with a fake one. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. My body is screaming at me back to away. I belong to Samuel. Logan had his chance and now it was over.
"I'm glad you're here," he says. "You'll like it. You'll see."
No. No I won't.
His fingers run through my hair. "You're beautiful. I have always thought that."
I want to run from him screaming, please stop touching me. He leans in, our faces inches apart. I can hear his breathing. No! He's going to kiss me. I can't. I can't do this. He leans in even further and just when I thought our lips were going to touch, they brush the bottom of my jaw instead. Not my lips at all.
Relief washes through me. I can feel the heat from his breath still on my skin and it repulses me. My body naturally leans away from him, needing to be out if his touch.
He pulls away and grins, seeming not to notice my indifference. "Come on. There's something I want to show you."
He leads me, fingers interlaced, around the pack grounds. He wants to show me everything they do here and I am willing to learn it. If I ever get back to Samuel, this information might prove useful.
The first place he shows me are all the gather spots on the land. He wants to prove to me that the wolves in this pack are just like the wolves in every other pack.
This pack prides themselves on freedom of choice above all. There are no mates here. You choose who you want to be with. There is also no sole leader. Grog, Noah, and Logan are the ones chosen to lead. I learn it is their goal to make every pack free. Break them down and leave them weak.
Grog sees Alpha's as a bad thing. They are too controlling and so much power shouldn't be left to one person. I am surprised that Logan went along with him seeing as he was an Alpha himself.
During his long speech about freewill I wonder if he realizes I ain't here on my free will. I don't feel like I have very much freedom at all..
Next we visit the children's training area. I am horrified to find that most of the children are between the ages of five and twelve. The idea that they are even considering prepping them for battle is appalling to me. Most of them are still babies in my eyes. Orphan babies at that. No doubt because their parents refused to join Grog to fight for freewill, so he killed them. It was left to this pack to take them in, place them with families and train them.
According to Logan, the younger they trained the more loyal they would be in the future. They would know nothing else but to fight. It was so wrong. It hurts to think that these children have no childhood.
So really they don't have freedom after all. If they don't make the required choice then they are to suffer the consequences. That's not freedom.
"Are they being taken care of?" I ask him.
"They have everything they need here," he says. "We teach them. We guide them. We show them all they can.” I stop and pull my hand from his. "That's not what I meant."
He rakes his hand through his bright, blond stands and sighs. "They're treated like any other member of our pack. We have wolves that take them in and mentor them. There are a lot of factors to take in when deciding where to place the young, but everyone has a chance to adopt. Grog and Amelia have adopted two."
I blanch. "What?" That revelation scares me. Grog is influencing two young pups? That can't be good for anyone. I shiver from the unpleasant thoughts going through my mind. Evil isn't born, it's made. And that's exactly what he's doing; making evil in his own image. I can't even fathom what he's taught them.
"Everyone who has chosen a mate gets a pup. It's our chance to teach them the right things."
I want to shake my head and argue with him that what they are doing here is wrong, then that's when I see something that causes me to stop short. A little girl with short blonde waves and a freckled face sits underneath a large oak tree on the property all alone.
She seems scared and withdrawn from the other children not daring to talk to them. Not a participant in the training, but a bystander. She can't be more than seven years old. Not one of the youngest I've seen today, but she is still only a child. A child with her childhood ripped away from her.
"What about her? Why isn't she fighting?" I ask Logan, motioning with my eyes to the little girl.
He follows my gaze to her, disappointment crossing his features. "Some children adapt sooner than others. Sometimes we get the children too late and they can't be saved from their ways and they rebel. If they are not with us, they're against us."
"What happens to them?" My subconscious warns me not to ask, but I have to know the answer, however frightening it may be. Is it really better to be oblivious in these situations and never know the horrible truth?
"They're put down," he answers immediately. “There is no other option. If they can't be tamed we no longer have a use for them."
Oh goodness. Nausea and dizziness hit me like a tidal wave and I feel like I might throw up. Unable to accept this part of the reality, I put my hand up in front of my mouth and take a step back. "You can't be serious. You are killing innocent children"
"If there was someone willing to work with them, and teach them to come around, they might have a chance, but no one wants to bother. Our focus is in other areas."
"So she's being put down?" My heart plummets in my chest. They can't just put her down like a feral animal. She's so young. She can't be more than seven years old. I can't allow that to happen. The immense need to protect her is overwhelming.
"I'm afraid so. It looks hopeless." There is no emotion in his eyes as he says the heart shattering words.
"Let me take her," I say, unable to keep the desperation from my tone. I know it is unlikely he'd consider it, but I have to try. They can't hurt her.
"You can't. You've not proved to us you're trustworthy yet." He is firm and unwavering in his decision.
"But I will. I'll do it all. I'll train. I'll fight. I can be cooperative. Just give me this child. Don't let them kill her," I beg.
"It's not just me who makes the decisions, Grace. Noah is gone and Grog doesn't trust you. And it's only mated wolves who can adopt anyway."
But I am mated, I want to say. But my mate's not here.
"But can't you make an exception this time? I'm not going to fight you this time? I'm not going to fight you. I'm willing to stay here and earn everyone's trust. Can't I get this one thing in return? I'll help her. I'll sway her to our side." The words burn in my throat. This pack isn't my side and I ain't in allegiance with them, but I have to make them think I am. I am willing to do anything to save an innocent life.
He pushes his hand in his pockets and seems to consider it. I don't miss the hint of a smile on his face as he studies my sincerity. In the end my pleading and words must have convinced him because he seems to be taking my request under consideration. I just need to push him a little further.
"Logan," I say, stepping in front of him and taking his face in my hands. Our eyes are locked, burning with intensity. "Do this for me."
There is longing in his eye for me and there is no denying it. He wants to take me
, mate me, devour me.
It sends unpleasant shudders through my body. It takes everything in me not to let them surface.