SUFFOCATING SILENCE

SUFFOCATING SILENCE
(1935) PRASIT SUWANWEJ'S POV (Age 19):

I completely blacked out. 

The heat of the bath, the thick steam blocking my airways, and the overwhelming shock of what my body just went through—it was too much. I had spent my entire life starving for any kind of affection. Being touched and wanted with that kind of intensity just short-circuited my brain. My limbs went totally limp, my head fell against his wet collarbone, and the darkness swallowed me before I could even drag a breath into my lungs.

When I finally blinked awake, I didn't know how much time had passed. I hadn't slipped under the water. Thanawin hadn't let me go for a single second. 

His thick arms were locked right around my waist, holding my chest safely above the surface. He was resting his chin on top of my wet hair. His thumb rubbed slow, heavy circles into my spine, trying to calm the violent shaking in my muscles. Hearing his steady breathing in my ear finally anchored me. The shame was gone. I was just completely helpless to the fact that I had handed my entire heart over to him.

Then, my brain caught up with the rest of my body. 

I was acutely aware of the massive, unyielding heat still pressed dead center against my backside. Thanawin hadn't calmed down at all. If anything, he was even harder than before. It was a terrifying reminder of the sheer restraint he was forcing on himself just to keep me safe. 

Thanawin must have noticed my breathing change. He shifted slightly, his chest rumbling against my cheek. "You'll make yourself sick if you stay in here much longer," he told me. His voice was ragged, like it physically hurt to talk, but there wasn't any anger in it. "Go on. Get out first." 

I understood why he was kicking me out. He needed the room empty to deal with the problem I caused. If I stayed sitting there, he wasn't going to be able to hold himself back.

I just nodded. "Yes," I managed to say. I forced my tired legs to move off his lap. But shifting forward meant dragging my body directly across his lap. My stomach flipped so hard it made me dizzy.

I got to my feet fast. I just wanted out of the water. But standing up meant looking down. The bathwater was dark, but the silhouette underneath it was impossible to miss. It was huge. My heart skipped a beat, and I snapped my head away. I climbed over the edge onto the cold tiles and grabbed a towel. My fingers were trembling so much that it slipped onto the floor twice.

Thanawin laughed a little from the water. "Take your time, Prasit. No rush." He sounded completely normal. I did not feel normal. I grabbed my shirt off the wooden bench and pushed my arms into the sleeves. My fingers kept twitching. I almost tore the fabric. I couldn't stop thinking about the sheer size of him pressing into my back, and my stomach kept doing flips. I was getting hard again. If I stood there any longer, I was going to turn around and do something stupid. I needed to get out.

Right as I closed the heavy wooden door behind me, a loud exhale came from the other side. Thanawin was finally taking care of himself.

I felt guilty instantly. I had completely drowned in my own pleasure, leaving the man I loved to deal with his own situation by himself while I ran away. But my arousal was throbbing against my trousers. I had to get back to my quarters and calm down. 

I practically ran into my cramped quarters and shoved the door closed. I leaned my weight against the wood, panting.

Then I stepped away from the door, and the air just went wrong. It got freezing cold in a split second. Not like winter cold. It felt like all the oxygen was suddenly gone. Black spots danced in my eyes. Something ridiculously heavy slammed onto my shoulders, making my legs turn to jelly. I collapsed.

I tried to walk toward my bed, but the small fire in the oil lamp just died. No flicker, just gone. The room went completely black. The air got so thick it actually felt like someone was standing on my chest. I couldn't pull any oxygen into my lungs. I panicked and started backing up toward the hallway, when something freezing cold grabbed my ankle.

It was a hand. It was wet and felt like dead meat. 

I kicked my legs. I opened my mouth to yell for Thanawin, hoping he was close enough to hear. But a freezing, wet hand slapped over my lips. The smell was awful—like rotting meat and wet soil. The cold actually went down my windpipe and cut my voice off entirely.

Panic ripped my mind apart. Was this a nightmare? Or had the dark spirits of the house finally come to kill me for daring to touch the master?

All the noise in the room just shut off. Then I heard a woman whispering. Except she wasn't in the room. The sound was happening right in the middle of my brain.

“You are the one who can stop him."

She sounded completely normal for a second. Then her voice just broke. It dropped so incredibly low that my gums actually buzzed. Whatever was talking to me wasn't human. It sounded like somebody trying to speak through a mouthful of wet dirt.

“Will you stop him? Or will you join him?” the voice scraped against my brain. “It doesn't matter if you love him. You are going to figure out that love will not fix this.”

The dead hands dragged me harder. The cold made my chest ache. I couldn't move a single muscle. Everything was going dark. 

Then, someone yelled a chant from the doorway.

The words were so loud and commanding they actually made my ears ring. The cold grip on my arms and legs just snapped. The heavy, crushing feeling in the air was completely gone in a split second. I was left laying on the floor, hacking and gasping for breath.

"Wake up, Prasit!" 

My eyes snapped open. I gasped so hard I choked. I was bolted upright on the solid wooden floor of my room. The lantern was lit again. 

Thanawin was on his knees in front of me. His large hands were clutching my shoulders, his fingers digging into my skin as he hauled me up against his chest. 

I gasped for air. I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to know what just touched me, and I needed to tell him about the thing talking in my head.

Then I actually looked at his face, and I shut up. Thanawin was completely different. The guy from the bathhouse was missing. He looked like a statue. He was biting his teeth together so hard his jaw jumped. He was staring at the dark corners of the room like he wanted to murder something.

He didn't say a word about what happened. He didn't check on me. He just dragged me up by my arm, gripping me so hard it hurt.

"You are sleeping elsewhere tonight," he stated. He didn't leave room for an argument. 

He pulled me out of my room. He kept me squashed right against his side the entire walk down the hallway to the main wing. Neither of us said anything. I was scared someone would see us, but I was too freaked out by the cold hands to complain.

Thanawin shoved his bedroom door open and pulled me inside. He didn't say a word. He guided me to the massive bed, pushed me down onto the mattress, and climbed in right next to me. 

He pulled the heavy blankets up. He dragged me flush against his side, forcing my head down near his chest, wrapping his arm around me in a complete iron grip. 

I waited for him to look down at me, or stroke my hair, or at least tell me I was safe now. He did none of those things. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on the dark ceiling, his jaw tight and his body completely rigid. He was acting as a human shield, keeping the shadows away from me, but the suffocating silence between us made my chest ache. We spent the rest of the night lying there, pretending our reality hadn't just shattered to pieces.