IN HIS SHADOW

IN HIS SHADOW
(1935) PRASIT SUWANWEJ'S POV (Age 19):

I stopped breathing. The yellow lantern light hit the leaves right in front of my face. I just gave us away. My mistake was going to get us both killed. I waited for the guard to step into the brush. I braced myself for him to find us and use that same bloody knife on my neck.

But the guard didn't step forward.

The man holding me moved instead. The hand over my mouth let go. A heavy palm pressed down hard on my shoulder. It shoved me flat into the wet dirt, deep into the hollow of the banyan roots.

Before I could even look up, he stood up. He pushed the heavy palm fronds aside. He walked right out into the clearing. Right into the lantern light.

I curled into a tight ball. I pressed my back hard against the wet bark. I peeked through a narrow gap in the leaves. Both guards flinched. The first one dropped his hand back to his bloody knife.

The lantern light caught his face. The guards stopped moving entirely. The man stood right at the edge of the trees, blocking the light from hitting the brush. His shadow fell across my face.

"Khu—Khun Thanawin." The guard choked on the name.

Both men looked straight at the ground. They threw their hands up into a fast wai and bent at the waist. Their foreheads almost scraped the mud.

The iron lantern shook in the second guard's hand. The light swung back and forth across the dead boy’s chest. The killers from a second ago were gone. These two men were just scared.

I pressed both hands over my mouth. I bit my own knuckles. I had to stay quiet.

"What is this?" Thanawin asked. His voice was flat.

He didn't bow back. He didn't even twitch. He crossed his arms and looked down at the dead boy. His face was a total blank. He didn't give away a single hint that he was standing exactly in front of me.

My brain finally caught up.

The whisper in my ear. The heavy hand. The smell of rain and sandalwood.

It was Thanawin. It was him the whole time.

My chest tightened so hard it hurt. I just left him upstairs outside Saengdao's door minutes ago. I ran down the stairs to get away from him. But he followed me. All the way down to the courtyard. Across the boundary line. Out into the dark woods.

Why? Why did he follow me in the dark? Did he see my face upstairs? Did he come out here just to stop me from getting killed?

"The boy was a rogue, Khun Thanawin," the lead guard muttered. He kept his eyes on the ground. He pointed at the dead kid. "He broke out of the lower cells. The elders ordered us to dispose of compromised subjects."

Thanawin didn't blink. He stayed planted right between the guards and my spot in the brush.

"Then clear the body," Thanawin said. He sounded completely bored. "You are tracking blood on the south boundary. The shouting is waking the main house. Finish the job. Leave before I do something about this mess."

The men scrambled. One grabbed the boy's arms while the other took his ankle. They hauled him out of the clearing, the body sliding over the wet mud.

I stayed pressed flat into the dirt. My heart hammered against my ribs. I wasn't just terrified of the guards anymore. I was terrified of Thanawin. He had just lied to his own clan's executioners to keep me alive.

The sound of the guards dragging the body faded into the dark. The woods went completely quiet again. Just the sound of the cicadas.

I didn't move. I stayed pressed into the mud. I was shaking so hard my teeth rattled.

Thanawin stood in the clearing for a long time. He watched the tree line where the men went. Then he turned around.

He walked straight into the brush. He pushed the leaves aside and looked down at me. Moonlight hit the side of his face. He didn't look angry. He just looked tired.

"Get up, Prasit," he said. His voice was quiet again. That cold edge was gone.

I couldn't move. My legs wouldn't work. I stared up at him. My brain was stuck on the dead boy. I was stuck on the blood in the dirt.

Thanawin sighed. He crouched down right in the dirt. He didn't care about his expensive clothes. He reached a hand out toward me.

I flinched hard. I threw my arms up over my head. I expected a hit. I expected him to drag me back to the holding cells for breaking the boundary rule.

He didn't hit me. His hand stopped in the air.

"I am not going to hurt you," he said softly. "But we cannot stay out here. You need to stand up."

I swallowed hard. My throat was bone dry. I slowly lowered my arms. I stared at his outstretched hand. The same hand that just clamped over my mouth and shoved me into the dirt to hide me.

I didn't take it. I dug my own hands into the mud and pushed myself up. My knees wobbled. I leaned my shoulder against the banyan tree just to stay on my feet.

Thanawin dropped his hand. He stood up slowly. He watched me with those heavy, ancient hazel eyes.

"You saw everything," he stated. It wasn't a question.

I nodded once. A jerky, panicked movement. My chest was still heaving. "Y-yes."

"You know what happens to servants who cross the boundary line at night."

"Yes." My voice cracked. I looked down at his boots. "They are executed."

"And yet," Thanawin stepped closer. I smelled the sandalwood again. "You ran straight past the markers anyway. Without a second thought. For a boy you did not even know."

I gripped the rough bark of the tree. I didn't have an answer for him. I didn't know how to explain it without talking about the shamans. Without talking about my parents. I just kept my eyes glued to the dirt.

Thanawin reached out. This time, I didn't have time to flinch. His fingers brushed against my cheek. He wiped a streak of cold mud right off my skin.

I froze. My breath caught in my throat. His touch was incredibly gentle. It made absolutely no sense. He was a master of this house. He just watched a child get butchered and didn't even blink.

"You are shaking," he murmured.

"I... I am fine," I lied. My teeth were literally chattering.

Thanawin didn't argue. He unbuttoned his heavy overcoat. He pulled it off his shoulders and stepped right into my space. He draped the thick, warm fabric over my shaking shoulders. The heavy scent of rain and his cologne instantly surrounded me.

"Keep your head down," he ordered quietly. "Walk slightly behind me. If any patrols see us, they will assume I requested you for an errand. Do not speak to anyone."

He turned around and walked back toward the courtyard.

I stood in the dark for a second. The coat weighed down my shoulders. It was warm. I pulled the lapels tight across my chest. My heart was beating out of control, and this time, it wasn't just fear.

I hurried through the mud to catch up. I followed his shadow back to the compound.