53

It was when we woke up the next day, our final day in Okinawa, that the weight of what the future may or may not hold fell upon me. Having woken up first, I washed up and opened the big windows, letting the white curtains be drawn and float with the breeze. And I could feel my own thoughts float with the translucent curtains, sometimes moving smoothly, other times growing chaotic, to a point where you would think that they will rip from their rungs. What can I do to help him move forward? I might have enough money saved up to help him for a year, that is if I get Zen to cover my end of rent for a bit. But right now, who knows how Zen feels about me. This makes me immediately dread going back home more than before. Will he still be mad at me? Will I still need to inconvenience poor Hansoo and stay over longer? I hope not. Speaking of rent, the man who gets our rent money might still be in the hospital, unsure of the damage he's caused to those around him. "Noona." My unblinking eyes shift as I startle. I turn my head to see Jaewook looking at me with gaze heavy. My mind is still in a million different places, so my lack of silence speaks louder than I intend. With understanding eyes, he reaches an arm out towards me. "Come here." And because I don't know what else to do, I climb back to the head of the bed. I lift the comforter over my body and lay on my left side to face Jaewook. His finger comes up to tap on my forehead. "Stop thinking so much. You're scary when you're silent." I softly smile in response. "It's just... everything feels so uncertain. I don't like feeling so lost and unsure of what to do." My words are uncharacteristically soft and quiet as I finally speak. "I know you don't. I don't either," He gently moves my hair away from my face. "But we're going to get through it. I know we will." My eyes dance between his in wonderment. "When did you become so grown up?" Gone is the hesitant boy who came to me for comfort and encouragement, the man in front of me now exudes more reassurance than I imagined possible. "I'm almost twenty, isn't it about time I grow up a little?" He smiles crookedly. "Hard to say, I kinda liked feeling like I was taking care of you," I tease. "Who says I'll let you stop fussing over me?" He lifts his head from the pillow and leans on an elbow. "Noona, my back hurts," he suddenly whines with a fraudulent pout. I laugh at his action. "Your back hurts huh?" He nods his head in a childish manner, lower lip jutting out even further. I slowly sit up, pretending to go along with it. He offers me his back with a cheeky smile before I abruptly elbow the small of his back. "Ah!" He winces and tries to reach back to soothe his pain. "I may like taking care of you but I know a spoiled brat when I see one." He raises his eyebrows. "I'm not a spoiled brat," he defends as he turns his back. "Hmm, alright. Says the kid who got a car as a birthday present and who got a free trip to Okinawa." His eyes slightly squint into crescent moons. "About that, can I pay back your dad in monthly installments? Maybe bi-monthly..." "Don't worry about it brat. He likes you too much. You have a very subtle way of charming people," I wave my finger at him with eyes sharp. "You sneak your way into their hearts and tie a knot around it before they even realize you got in. You charming little brat." He giggles and leans into me. His teeth poke from beneath his funny smile. "I put a lock on yours just in case you're skilled in knot tying." "Oh really? Where's the key?" He just giggles some more as he gets even closer, nose brushing against mine now. "Where is it Jae? Where did you put the key?" He simply says "I lost it" before placing his smiling lips on mine. I feel myself lean into him with the kiss, all too happy to see him back to normal, his silence from days before completely vanished. "Mmm," he vibrates against my lips before slightly pulling back. "You always taste so good." The innocent charm his eyes possessed before has vanished. "Nuh-uh, we need to start packing up to leave," I scold. "Why?" He groans before wrapping his arms around me. "Because, we need to go back home. We can't escape forever." "Why, why, why," he whines as he shakes me back and forth. "What happened to the maturity from before, you're a little kid again!" He pulls back and smirks at me. "It's because I know you like it Noona." "You little punk." I grab the pillow from behind me and stuff it in his face. He falls back in shock and I take the opportunity to pin him down. I grab the pillow before he can and stuff it in his face again. "Noo—" he muffles out from beneath the pillow. I pull the pillow back and laugh in his face. "Not cool," he pouts. "I need to defend myself against your advances." "You're no fun." He looks angelic like this—against the crisp white sheets with his skin sunkissed and hair fluffy, his eyes round and sparkling with joy as they look up at me. And once again I feel his effortless charm pull me in as I give up and lean down to kiss him. He's just too irresistible. . . . I feel like my heart is trying to climb its way out of my throat, ice picks cutting through me as it struggles to escape. I clench my cold hands together and try to calm down my breathing. It isn't normal for me to feel this scared. Even in the hospital, with wailing patients, gruesome injuries, and depressing illnesses all around me, I feel almost at home. I've trained myself for this kind of high-intensity work. But today is different because I know what I need to do, and it requires dealing with the one thing that scares me the most. The one man. After suggesting that I do the check in for Mr. Im, since one of the nurses had to leave for an emergency, they agreed. There wasn't much to do anyway since his injuries had mostly healed and his memory is slowly returning. To them he's on the road to recovery, heck he could even be released today. But for me, it's anything but a good thing. How much of his memory has he gained back? I'm walking slower than I should to get to his room, my breath shaking more and more with each inhale and exhale. Every machine beep, every cry that I hear when I pass rooms, makes my nerves jump in shock. But eventually, I reach the door, my hand pausing over the handle. Wipe that fear away, wipe it away and replace it with strength. It's all or nothing. So with a stronger look in my eye, I open the door and walk towards the patient as confidently as I can. He's already awake, and by the moment of shock that shines across his face, it's clear that his memories of me have returned. So I get right down to business. "We need to talk." ...