43-1

I take a deep breath as I push through the cafe doors. I recognize Hansoo's back at a table in the corner. Suddenly feeling anxious and awkward, I lightly tap his shoulder and move to sit across from him. He looks at me in surprise at first before setting into a neutral expression. A very neutral expression. This is a bad start, I've never not seen him smile when greeting someone. "Uh, hi Hansoo," I try to say with a smile. He just nods and stares at his drink. "Right..." I awkwardly squeeze my hands together. "Why are we here?" He suddenly asks. "What?" "Here. I work here for god's sake. Could we not go to a different cafe?" I look at the counter to see Seungmin at the cash. He sees me and gives me a very friendly and warm smile. At least someone's happy. "Because," I hesitate over my words. "There's a lot of girls here." His eyebrows raise. "Excuse me?" I avert my eyes as I realize how stupid my whole idea was. "Look," I do my best to gather all my confidence. Usually, it isn't hard around Hansoo, but I'm amazed at how terrifying he is when he isn't happy. "I'm sorry about what happened again. I had no idea you liked me—you do spend every minute insulting me in some way, how would I know?" Now he's the one to avert his eyes, staring at his hands which are wrapped around his drink. "And again I'm sorry that I can't return your feelings. But I'm truly happy that you and Jaewook are friends. He needed someone to have fun with and relate to, a guy. I'm so glad he has you now and I'm going to feel terrible if it breaks apart because of me." "It's not your fault," he mumbles. "Can you stop doing that?" "Doing what?" "Being you. Taking the blame and trying to fix something you didn't even cause." His eyes are lit up as they pierce through me. "Making me like you even more." The words hang heavy in the air like a dense fog. All I can do is clear my throat and look away again. I shut my eyes and sigh. This isn't going as planned, I should have just stayed home. Speaking of. I nervously check my phone for any messages. Jaewook was still in bed sleeping when I got up. I left a glass of water and some medicine on the nightstand and a note saying I went to the library to study. Which isn't a lie, I did go for about an hour before coming here. There's no messages. I take a deep breath. "Hansoo, please please just forget me. I don't know what else to say. You don't like me, I know you don't. You just think you do. What happened to the kind of girl you said you liked when we first met?" He's silent, so I push on. "Your ideal type, what is it? You said submissive," I say the word quietly, worried someone might hear it and interpret it in the wrong way. He just looks at me for a moment before finally speaking. "I like cute girls." "Okay, exactly. I wouldn't classify myself as cute." His face scrunches up in agreement. "What else?" He sighs. "I don't know. I like sweet girls. Someone who is quiet at first but opens up around me. Someone much smaller than me, someone I can protect and take care of." "Exactly, yes," I grow excited from his opening up. "I can tell you now if you haven't realized it already, I am NOTHING like what you described. Hansoo, I'm only like two inches away from being your height." "Hey!" His eyebrows cross in annoyance. "It's just the truth. I'm the one that takes care of Jaewook—for the most part. I'm the one that feels protective of him. Don't you see that we'd never work?" I motion between us. "Our personalities clash even on good days. We're both too headstrong, both want to feel validated by taking care of someone in some way. We're both extroverted and never know when to stop fighting with each other." "Isn't it good to both be extroverted?" "See I thought the same until Jaewook came around. Extroverts don't know when to stop being around each other because we just don't get tired when with people. We're always on, always buzzing and never draining out. That is until we go insane. Jaewook, while admittedly needy at times, likes his time alone. It forces me to also be alone sometimes, which is a good thing. Does that make sense? We balance each other out in that way. When he's alone being his introverted, video gaming self, he gains the energy needed to interact with me in the best way he can. And when I'm alone, I can finally tire myself out enough to slow the hell down and reflect on life—as scary as it is to me sometimes." Hansoo stays silent, contemplating my words. "I've learned to not be so intense, to slow down a bit and learn more about myself. I used to avoid being alone like the plague—which is one reason why studying became almost addicting to me. I didn't like being alone with my thoughts, and studying was a good distraction. Anyways, my point is, of course, everyone's different, but I would never go back to dating someone who is too much like me ever again. In some ways, opposites really do attract. It's like the whole yin and yang thing—we balance each other out." "I guess it would be tiring, us together all the time..." he mutters. "Of course it would! We never stop fighting. Except now but god knows that can change within seconds." I roll my eyes and he slightly smirks. "So Hansoo, I know this isn't really the best way to solve this but I want to find you someone else to crush on." His eyebrows raise in disdain. "Don't look at me like that. You only think you like me because I'm the complete opposite of what you're looking for. It's enticing for now but in a month you'll wonder why you ever liked me at all." He actually chuckles and it gives me the confidence I need to keep going. "So, take a look around. This is just for fun to get your dating mode ticking. Who attracts you the most in here?" He gives me a look and I huff. "Aside from me please." He rests his chin on his palm and lazily looks around the cafe. It's busy, as usual. He takes longer to scan the room than I'd like, and I begin to grow nervous again. "Take personality aside completely for now, just focus on looks." "Her." I follow his gaze to a group of three girls. I assume he's looking at the small, cute one. Her hair is softly curled around her petite face. An adorable little smile adorns that face, and she wears very feminine clothing—just his thing. "Okay so you're really into the cutsie type, noted." He turns back to look at me. "Is that a bad thing? We all have different types." "No, no it's good." "But natural." I raise my eyebrows in question. "I only like girls who are naturally cute, and they don't know it. None of that try-hard bullshit." "Oh thank god," I put a hand on my forehead in mock relief. "I can't stand those fake types either. She seems very modest though, real. But then again you'll never know unless you talk." I revert back to the mystery girl. "Why don't you go up to her?" His eyes widen in shock. "What?!" "You heard me. Are you all talk and no walk? What happened to mister Casanova barista?" "That's my job. It's like acting, I can't just do that out of costume." "I think you can." He looks at me with an unsure expression, eyes moving between both of mine. His bottom lip subconsciously sucks into his mouth as he looks back at her with uncertainty.