Home Truths

At some point during the night, Alex must have carried me upstairs because I wake to find myself snuggled under the duvet of our bed. The dim light shining from behind the curtains and the sound of rain beating against the window herald another dull and gloomy February morning. My muscles ache from the night's activities and my head is pounding from the lack of food and hydration. I swing my legs out of bed and go to stand, but stumble when the head rush I experience makes me feel dizzy. I am just sinking back down onto the mattress when Alex walks in with a tray and a look of concern on his face.

"Argh, I think I overdid it last night," I say, dropping my head into my hands. Alex quickly puts the tray down and comes to my side, smoothing back the hair off my face.

"You okay, Liv?" he asks.

"Just a headache," I respond, trying to reassure him. "I just need to eat."

"Then it's a good thing I made you breakfast," Alex says with a grin. I climb back so that my back is resting on the headboard, pulling up the duvet to keep me warm while Alex settles a tray piled high with toast, Vegemite for him and strawberry jam for me, along with giant mugs of tea and coffee between us. We eat for a while in silence, both lost in our thoughts. Part of me wants to bring up the whole Becca thing, but honestly, I have no idea how to start that conversation.

My toast has been eaten and my tea drunk and I am slowly feeling the life come back into my body. My head is still pounding, though, and I know it is down to the tension in my neck. I roll my shoulders and move my head from side to side, trying to loosen my muscles, but nothing seems to work. A moment later, Alex is placing the tray on the floor and sliding in behind me. He slowly begins to work at the muscles in my shoulders in long, even strokes, teasing out the knots with sure fingers. Eventually, the vice-like sensation on my neck starts to ease and, along with it, my headache. Slowly his fingers work their way upwards in firm, soothing strokes that start a tingling sensation in the base of my spine. Finally, Alex tangles his fingers in my hair, tugging my head back gently so that my neck is exposed.

Slowly Alex starts to kiss my neck, his lips caressing my skin as they move. At one point, he stops and plants the gentlest of kisses on a particular area. It smarts a bit, which confuses me until Alex says, "Sorry, baby. I bit you rather hard last night." Ah, that explains it. The memories of last night flood my mind and all at once I am completely turned on, my arousal making me wet between my thighs. I subconsciously rub my legs together trying to ease the ache that has suddenly begun.

One of Alex's hands comes around to stroke my breast while the other dips between my wet folds. A finger finds my clit, teasing it with a languid swirling motion while occasionally pinching it, and I find myself leaning back into Alex's chest, allowing the sensations to take over. It takes only a couple of minutes for the pressure to build up, the tingles and sparks to develop into a raging inferno, until I come, gasping in Alex's arms.

A moment later, Alex is sliding out from behind me and coming around to settle between my legs. With one thrust he is entering me, my back arching as my pelvis tilts to take him even deeper. I look into Alex's eyes as he stares down at me. I see lust, arousal, but most of all, love shining down on me. He takes his time, moving his hips slowly, stoking the burn deep inside. He brings his mouth down to mine, covering my body with his own while entwining his fingers in mine, and I lose myself as his tongue mirrors the movements of his cock. The burn intensifies and it takes only a couple more thrusts for me to come apart under Alex. Seconds later he follows me, spilling his seed deep inside.

Slowly we both come down from our climaxes, legs and arms entangled, making me unsure where my body ends and his begins. We are breathing deeply, and when he lifts his head I can't help but smile at the look of pleasure on Alex's face. I do that to him, I think to myself. Just little old me.

A short time later we are relaxing in the bath and I have finally steeled myself to open the proverbial can of worms. I am lying back against Alex's chest and I take a deep breath. "What's up, Liv?" Alex asks, sensing my unease.

"Can I ask you a question, Alex?" I say nervously.

"You can always ask me anything, Liv," Alex responds.

"You…you know when you and Becca had sex for the first time?" I feel Alex stiffen at the mention of her name. "And you said it kind of left you cold?" I stumble slightly as a deathly quiet falls across the bathroom. I can hear Alex's heart thumping in his chest, a loud drumming that echoes my own nervousness.

"Okay, where are you going with this, Liv?" Alex asks, his voice low with mixed emotions.

"Sorry, I am not explaining myself properly. Just hear me out, okay?" I feel him nod. "Do you think you didn't feel the spark, the connection, because it wasn't there? Or maybe because you were both just young and inexperienced and had overblown expectations of what it should have been like?"

I can feel Alex absorbing my words behind me, his frame tense. But he says nothing, so I continue. "I mean, we all have these expectations of what sex should be like. We watch movies, read magazines and stuff, and I guess we are doing it in our heads a long time before we actually get down to it." I pause for a moment, to gather my thoughts, before continuing, "So I guess what I am asking is, do you think that you felt the way you did because you thought you should feel a certain way and then didn't, or because you felt nothing at all?"

"I don't get why you are asking me this stuff, Liv," Alex says, and I can hear the pain in his voice.

I push off Alex and turn around so that I am facing him. "Just hear me out, okay? Let me tell you what I think went on…" I trail off, looking Alex squarely in the eye and wait until he gives me the briefest of nods to let me know it is okay to continue.

"You were a horny teenager, probably got hold of some pornos and magazines somehow. Saw things in there that turned you on, bondage and stuff…" I feel my cheeks heating up. After everything that has gone on between us, I can't believe I can still feel embarrassed around Alex. "Probably jerked off a lot to those fantasies. But then when it came down to your first time, if it was anything like mine, it was probably a lot of fumbling around, doing your best to be careful and not hurt the girl who was also your best friend. And ultimately, it was probably over before it even really began…" I raise my eyebrow at Alex and I see a grimace cross his face, confirming my thoughts.

"So you had sex a few more times, and while it was probably nice enough, it didn't elicit the kind of feelings you had when you watched the pornos. Then came the final straw. You tried to get Becca involved in one of your fantasies, but given how inexperienced she was, she probably didn't understand where you were coming from and so—justifiably, I might add—freaked out on you. She called you names, broke it off with you, making you feel ashamed but also breaking your heart in the process." I look at Alex, who has paled while I have been talking, and I feel terrible that I am exposing such a raw wound. But to be honest, this has been festering for a long time, and if he doesn't deal with it now, it will haunt him forever.