Chapter 45

Annie’s POV.

I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, the monster is waiting for me. Tonight he’s with his mate, not that it matters. Sometimes he’ll go from one bed to the other. I tell him no every time, but he never listens. There’s no use crying anymore, it doesn’t stop the nightmare that has become my reality. I’m empty inside and I feel stuck, like there’s nothing I can do about it.

The breeze is starting to get warm as I sit in my usual spot at Mother’s bench. I’m not allowed outside the grounds anymore, he refuses to let me see my family, claiming we’re a family. Him, Luna Ellen, me, and hopefully a pup in the near future. The thought makes me want to vomit. I don’t know that I could handle having a pup with a monster, that’s why I’ve been drinking the tea Giselle made. I hope she returns soon. It’s been two whole months and I miss her. I know that witches can’t stop mate bonds, that’s solely up to the moon Goddess, but if anyone can get me out of this mess, it’s her. If I could get out of the Alpha house, I could go to the cottage and no one could get me with those wards in place. That thought gives me a glimmer of hope.

The moon is full and bright overhead, yet I feel that the Goddess has forsaken me. I must’ve been a terrible person in a previous life to deserve what it is now. I had amazing parents until the bane of my existence showed up. He’s the reason for all of my pain, all of my suffering. If there is an emotion worse than hate, that’s what I would use to describe my feelings for him. Loathe, detest, abhor? Even combined, it’s not enough.

He’s bad enough, but our mate bond makes everything worse. His scent, his touch, his eyes, they all momentarily distract me of my hatred. My body responds to him, which feeds his ego even more. Mates aren’t supposed to be this way.

Shit, I grunt to myself and close my eyes. His scent is coming closer, alerting me of his presence before I can even hear him. Can’t I have one night without him? “Anna.” His voice speaking my name turns my body on, which disgusts me even more. He sits beside me and takes my hand. “What are you doing out here so late, it’s almost 3 am?” I’ve become used to him in only sweats. Tonight is no different, only this time they’re dark gray. The bond makes me attracted to his body and I appreciate his physique, I would just appreciate it more if it was from a distance and someone else.

“I just couldn’t sleep.” His hand holding mine is comforting physically, but I get so upset with myself. One, for letting him touch me, and two, for letting myself bask in the comfort it does give me. It’s calming and usually the only time of day I don’t feel empty inside.

“You seem to be in a good mood. Why are you up so late?” I ask him.

“I had a patrol, I just got back. I have some exciting news.”

“What news?” Do I get to leave? Please tell me I get to leave. Anything else is a waste of time.

He lets go of my hand to wrap his arm around my waist. Naturally, I lean into him and I hate myself for it. “The king is paying us a visit. He’ll be here on Friday.” My heart is in my throat. Toby will be coming here. At first, I’m excited to see him after all this time, but now that I think about it, I don’t know if I can handle seeing him. I would hate for him to think badly of me for letting myself fall trap to the monster. I don’t want him to see what I’ve become. On rare occasions, I dream I’m dancing with Toby in the music room with its black and white marble floor, but those are only dreams, and dreams are for fairytales. He’s not my mate, no matter how much I wish it.

“You’re not excited to meet the king?” The monster asks me.

I shrug my shoulder. “Should I be?”

He laughs. “Normally I would say no, he’s nothing special. He said he found out that he has a cousin at the orphanage and he wants to pick the pup up.” Xavier. At least you get to have a better life, my sweet little boy. Julian chuckles to himself then continues speaking. “I used to despise the king, but he’s been proving himself useful to me. He issued warrants for Brayden’s capture. Gilbert went on a manhunt for Brayden and his dad Skip, but it sounds like the king got to Brayden first. King Tobias is bringing Brayden back here.”

“Why is Brayden coming here and not to the palace?”

“So I can make him pay for what he did.”

“What did he do? All I heard is that he and his family disappeared.” I know all about what he did to Gilbert’s sister Shelby. He told me about her and that I remind him of her because I’m so sweet, well, I was once upon a time.

“Before I came here I grew up near Chicago. I had one friend, her name was Shelby. I found out later that she was actually my half-sister. My dad slept with her mom.” Holy Cannoli, what? Gilbert never told me that. I wonder if he knows. “When she was 13, Brayden tricked her, got her pregnant, then had her killed.”

“So you’re excited that Brayden is coming back here?”

He rubs his hands together. ”Absolutely. I’m going to make him suffer.”

“Oh,” I doubt Julian is kidding, Brayden is in for a world of pain.

“Anyway, I need you and Ellen to welcome the King. He’s staying here at the Alpha house with his Beta Jeremiah. It’s just for one night. He’s leaving early in the morning.”

“You want us in the same room together? You know she hates me.” That’s another thing. I’ve tried to tell Luna Ellen I don’t want him, but she refuses to even speak to me. If she sees me, she leaves, but only after glaring at me like she’s trying to figure out how to claw my eyes out before anyone can stop her.

“I’ve already talked to her. I gave a command to make sure she behaves.”

I look around the beautiful garden and an idea springs to my mind. This may be my chance to get out of here. “Can I pick flowers to welcome him?”

Julian kisses the top of my head. “Of course. I don’t get your obsession with flowers and plants, but it’s cute. I saw you put more yellow carnations in my room.” I barely hold back my smirk. Yellow carnations mean disdain. He stands up and pulls me with him. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”

Oh, Goddess. “I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll take a long hot bath.”

“I’ll join you.”

“No, it’s okay. I want to soak in the rose oil I made. I know you don’t like smelling like roses.” Thank the Goddess for that.

“I don’t want to wake Ellen, so I’ll wait for you in your bed.” My heart sinks and I wonder if I can bathe for two whole hours. Training is at 6am, but he always leaves early so he’s the first one there. I nod and let him escort me to my room.

After taking ten whole minutes to decide what to change into, I then begin filling the massive tub, which takes more time. I add the oils then slip into the scorching water. Painfully, the water burns, but it’s not enough to sanitize the ick I feel. At least with it this hot, I can stay in the water longer. Relaxing with my head on the little pillow, even luxurious baths offer me no reprieve from the tension permanently set into my muscles from the anxiety my life has become. I used to be so carefree and happy. Now, I second-guess every move I make.

Flying through the air, I close my eyes and smile at the freedom I feel. I know it won't last long, but for now, I’ll take it. Toby smiles beside me and I realize I’m not floating, but spinning. Toby spins me around the dancefloor with skill. His smile is contagious and I smile with him. Goddess, he’s so handsome, even more handsome than my monster of a mate.

Toby’s suits always fit him perfectly, showing off his physique, while still looking sharp and ready to take care of business. Under his suit is a glorious tanned-skinned wonderland. Running in wolf form together while I visited the palace, I saw him shirtless a few times, and oh Goddess is his body perfect. Narrow waist, broad shoulders, strong firm muscles. I wouldn’t mind falling down that little rabbit hole. Now that my body is used, I’m no longer modestly shy of letting my thoughts of attraction to Toby take form. He is a beautiful male.

His wolf is just as incredible. Toby guides me to the back of the castle where we part so that I can remove my pale pink dancing dress to shift. We step out from the bushes at the same time. His powerful wolf appraises mine and I don’t flinch. I stand tall with my tail brushing back and forth across the leaves and grass. His wolf's blue eyes almost glow against the sparkling silver of his fur. I’ve never seen a more beautiful wolf. He throws his head back to howl. I circle his massive wolf, then take off in a full sprint through the woods. The palace grounds have a block wall two miles from the back porch, but I skirt it and continue my flight. Toby’s breath is at my shoulder, but he never overtakes me, even though I know he can, easily. He finds joy in the chase, where I find the freedom I’ve longed for.

We turn back toward the palace and that’s when he finally pounces on me. We tumble a few spells, but it’s all in fun. He nips my ear and licks at my face. I squirm beneath him and he lets me up. I sprint away before he realizes it, but as soon as he catches on, we’re wrestling again as he catches me up in no time.

“Annie, dear. It’s almost noon.” Maxine wakes me. I look around to find my freedom is gone and I’m back in the prison of my childhood home. What was once the happiest place on earth is now my confinement. “Alpha asked that I let you sleep, but not the whole day. You’re to meet him and Luna Ellen for lunch.”

I wipe stray hairs out of my face. “Okay, Maxine. Thank you. I’ll be down soon.” She gives me a soft smile then leaves me to dress. She knows. She saw the blood on my sheets after that first night and changes the sheets as I request. Sometimes there is blood, sometimes only semen, but she never comments, just lets me have what I need. Sometimes it’s a warm hug, others it’s to be left alone. Thank Goddess for Maxine, I would’ve killed myself by now if not for her.

Julian and Luna Ellen are waiting at the front door as I descend the steps. He smiles up at me while she glowers. “Anna. You look beautiful.” I’m wearing a summer dress that falls past my knees and a pair of sandals. Luna Ellen just scoffs. Julian smacks her butt with a growl. “I don’t give a fuck if you like it or not, she is my mate too.”

“It’s alright, Julian. I don’t blame her for being upset. I understand.” I watch her reaction, but her face is still filled with malice.

Julian ignores everything and takes both of our hands to escort us out of the Alpha house. Oh Goddess, I get to leave, I haven’t left the Alpha house in over a month. I take a deep breath as I step through the gate. Julian gives me a smile then kisses my cheek, causing Luna Ellen to growl. He spins on her, teeth showing a warning. “Knock it off, Ellen. Last chance.” He stares her down in silent conversation. She looks away in submission at the command. Julian releases her hand, making her walk in front of us.

Pack members watch us as we go by and I duck my head filled with shame. I can only imagine what everyone is thinking about me. We sit at Luna's usual table, me taking the corner. We place our orders then Julian gets down to business. “So, I want you to act civil in front of the King. Is that understood?” He asks us both but stares Luna Ellen down.

“I understand,” I whisper in response.

“I’ll behave.” She remarks just as our food arrives. I haven’t been able to eat much since my birthday and have thus lost weight. My ribs are prominent and my limbs are sharply thin. I don’t feel healthy, but I can’t stomach much more than a cup of soup or half a sandwich. I eat my soup with a slice of bread, but still, Julian and Luna Ellen finish their meals before I do. So far he hasn’t commented, but I doubt he truly cares about my health.

After lunch, we return to the Alpha house and Julian leaves us standing at the door to go to his office. Luna Ellen moves to follow after him, but I grab her attention. “Your heat is coming soon?”

She looks back at me. “I forgot you’re the one supplying my tea.”

“Not anymore.”

She scoffs. “Of course. You’re such a petty, conniving, little shit.”

I shake my head. “It’s the opposite actually. I don’t want Julian.”

“I’m supposed to believe that?”

“The mate bond makes my body crave him, but I hate him. I’ve hated him for a long time. I want you to get pregnant, then maybe he’ll leave me alone.” I shudder remembering all the things he’s done to me. She looks at me like I’ve gone mad. “I never made the tea. It was made by my friend Giselle. She’s a witch and she made it specifically so you wouldn’t get pregnant.”

Her jaw clenches and she breathes heavily. “You knew about this and you went along with it?”

I shake my head. “I only just figured it out. I drank some. It has Valerian and Calendula. Those are herbs that mess with pregnancy. Look it up if you don’t believe me.”

“And why would some witch, that I’ve never seen or heard of, want to keep me from getting pregnant?” She crosses her arms under her breasts.

I can’t tell her about Xavier, not if Toby is picking him up. I’m not about to ruin the life of the little guy. “She hates Julian too. He trapped her with a life debt after rescuing her from a group of rogues. She didn’t want him to have an heir. She lives in the clearing, the one where I get my herbs, but you can’t get there because she has wards up protecting her cottage. There’s a log bridge that you can see the cottage from, but don’t try to cross it. One foot on the log and you’ll be paralyzed until she releases you.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“I told you. I don’t want Julian, I hate him. The only reason I’m here is because I’m commanded to stay. Think about it. You first started getting the tea almost five years ago. I was only 13, do you think I could’ve been keeping you from getting pregnant.” Luna Ellen looks me over then leaves out the front door without a word. Goddess, I hope this doesn’t come back to bite me in the butt.