Chapter 37 The Long Friday
The afternoon light shifted as they sat there, golden to amber to that particular shade of grey that meant evening was approaching. Cedric had read the same paragraph about dominance behaviors in wolf packs three times without absorbing a single word. His mind kept wandering~to tomorrow, to his mother's face when she saw this house, to the inevitable moment when she'd look at Falcone and know something wasn't quite right.
Mothers always knew.
He shifted in his chair, and Falcone's hand tightened around his immediately, as if sensing the spike of anxiety.
"What are you thinking about?" Falcone asked quietly.
"Everything. Nothing." Cedric closed the textbook, giving up the pretense of studying. "What if she asks how we met?"
"We tell her the truth. You were working at the club, I was there for business. We started talking." Falcone's thumb traced circles on the back of Cedric's hand. "That's all true."
"It's also wildly incomplete."
"Most truths are."
Cedric pulled his hand away, needing to move, needing to do something with the nervous energy building in his chest. He stood and moved to the window, watching the shadows lengthen across the garden. The fountain was still going, water catching the fading light.
"What if she asks why I'm living here?"
"Because you're my partner and we're building a life together." Falcone's voice was steady, calm. He'd clearly been rehearsing these answers in his head. "Also true."
"Falcone..."
"Gianni." He stood, crossing to where Cedric was standing. "When your mother is here, call me Gianni. Falcone sounds like a business arrangement. Gianni sounds like a person."
"You are a person."
"Barely, most days." He said it lightly, but there was something underneath. Something that sounded like he actually believed it. "But I want to be one for you. And for her, tomorrow."
Cedric turned to face him, really face him. Falcone looked tired despite sleeping half of yesterday. There were still those shadows under his eyes, that tension in his shoulders that never fully released. He was nervous. Actually, genuinely nervous in a way Cedric had never seen before.
"You're really scared," Cedric said, and it wasn't a question.
"Terrified." Falcone's hands came up to frame Cedric's face, thumbs brushing along his cheekbones. "I've negotiated with men who would kill me without a second thought. I've stood in rooms where everyone wanted me dead and walked out alive. But the thought of your mother looking at me and finding me wanting—" His voice cracked slightly. "That terrifies me more than anything."
"Why? Why does it matter so much?"
"Because she made you." Falcone's eyes were intense, searching Cedric's face like he was trying to memorize it. "She raised you and protected you and sacrificed for you. She's the reason you're kind despite everything that's tried to make you hard. She's the reason you still believe people can be good. If she looks at me and sees a monster...." He stopped, swallowed hard. "Then maybe that's all I am."
Cedric's chest ached. "You're not a monster."
"I've done monstrous things."
"That's not the same as being a monster." Cedric covered Falcone's hands with his own, holding them against his face. "You're a person who's done terrible things in terrible circumstances. But you're also a person who loses sleep over flower arrangements and worries about whether I'm eating enough and gives my sister therapy and—" His voice caught. "And loves me, apparently. Completely and terrifyingly and in ways I'm still trying to understand."
"Am not capable of love...but I do cherished you." Falcone's forehead dropped to rest against Cedric's. "I really cherished you...Like I can't breathe right when you're not near me."
"That's not healthy."
"I know. But it's real." His breath was warm against Cedric's face. "And tomorrow, your mother is going to see it. She's going to see how I look at you and she's going to know exactly how obsessed I am. And I'm terrified she'll tell you to run."
"And if she does?"
"Then I'll respect her wishes. I'll give you space. I'll..." He stopped, his jaw clenching. "I'll do whatever you need me to do. Even if it kills me."
Cedric pulled back enough to see Falcone's face properly. There were tears in his eyes...wow actual tears, barely held back, making the dark brown look almost black. Cedric had never seen him cry. Hadn't thought he could.
"Hey," Cedric said softly, his own eyes burning in response. "Hey, it's okay. She's not going to tell me to run."
"You don't know that."
"I know her. I know she'll see what I see~someone who's trying. Someone who's imperfect but honest about it. Someone who makes me happy despite everything that should make that impossible." He kissed Falcone softly, tasting salt. "She's going to see that I love you. And that's going to matter more than anything else."
They stood like that for a long moment, foreheads pressed together, breathing each other's air. The library was getting darker, the last of the daylight fading. Somewhere in the house, a clock chimed five. Three hours until they needed to leave for Elysium.
"I should go get ready for work," Cedric said quietly, not moving.
"In a minute." Falcone's arms came around him, pulling him close. "Just... one more minute."
Cedric let himself be held, his face pressed against Falcone's shoulder, breathing in his scent. Cologne and coffee and something uniquely him. The smell of safety and home and all the complicated feelings Cedric didn't have names for yet.
"It's going to be okay," he whispered into the fabric of Falcone's shirt. "I promise it's going to be okay."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
"I'm not. I really think..." Cedric stopped, because he did think it would be okay, but he also knew the universe had a way of making liars out of optimists. "I hope it will be okay. I really, really hope."
"That's all any of us can do, I suppose. Hope and prepare and try not to catastrophize." Falcone kissed the top of his head. "Though I'm failing spectacularly at that last part."
"You're doing fine. Considering."
"Considering I'm apparently having an emotional breakdown in my library at five PM on a Friday?"
"Considering you're about to meet your boyfriend's mother for the first time and you actually care what she thinks of you." Cedric pulled back, managing a small smile. "That's growth. Character development. You should be proud."
"I feel nauseated."
"That's normal too."
They separated reluctantly, and Cedric made his way upstairs to shower and change for work. The hot water helped wash away some of the tension, but not all of it. There was a knot in his chest that had taken up permanent residence, tightening every time he thought about tomorrow.
His phone was buzzing when he got out of the shower. Two texts from Marcus:
Cedric, I really need to talk to you. It's about your family. Please call me.
Followed by: I know you're avoiding me. But this is important. Call me tonight.