Chapter 5 — A piece of paper

I lay on his chest drawing lazy circles on his skin, satisfied and exhausted. After the last round, I came so hard, I forgot all about my existence. I had wanted to go all the way with Dev today, I wanted to feel him thrusting in me, feel his hard cock massaging my walls but at the last moment I backed off. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

My conditioning to marry as a good little virgin (even when I knew virginity was just a social construct) was apparently stronger than my lust for him. But there was another underlying reason. Like me, he was a virgin and while he said he didn’t care all that much about it, I knew that first times were important. You always remembered them.

He had waited, twenty-four years, to experience sex with a woman he loved, and I couldn’t taint his first time like that. It had to be with a woman he loved, and not with a woman who was lying and was going to leave him in a matter of hours.

I was marrying someone else, I was going to leave him, so as much as I wanted it, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hold him back from experiencing sex without any painful feelings attached to it. I loved him too much to do that.

He deserved a woman who had a backbone and was willing to sacrifice, even her family, for him. He deserved it and I sincerely wish he got it.

“Dev?” I called softly as I continued drawing lazy circles, directing my eyes to his chest.

“Yes, darling?” he said, and I could the hear the lazy smile in his voice. Oh, how I loved him, every bit of him and I hated how I had to part with him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, as a silent tear rolled down my cheek.

“There is nothing to be sorry about. I can wait for as long as you like, but I do hope it isn’t longer than half a decade, because I love babies and that requires practice,” he chuckled.

“Dev?” I called again after a short silence. I knew I had to come clean, but I really wanted to stall.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he lifted my chin and saw the expression on my face.

Another tear rolled down my cheek as I said, "I am getting married"

He stared at me for quite a long time before he finally asked, "What do you mean?"

I told him everything my mom said/didn't say, and with every word I spoke the truth started getting more real, stabbing my poor heart further. "I…I'm sorry,” I finished as I wiped at my tears angrily.

There was a long silence after I completed. I stared at his chest, not brave enough to look at him in the eye while I broke his heart. A while later, he asked, somewhat incredulous, "And you just said ‘yes’?"

He didn't sound hurt or heartbroken or anything I had imagined he would, instead he sounded angry; angry and disappointed. I looked up to meet his eyes and in his deep black eyes, I could see the disappointment clear as the day. He was disappointed in me - this hurt more than seeing him hurt, because now, I had lost not just his love but his respect too.

"What else can I do?” I stammered, my voice pleading.

"You can say 'no', for instance. Marry me, run away with me, there are so many things you can do,” he said pointing at himself.

"I can't hurt my parents"

"But you have no problem hurting me?” he snapped as he sat up, bringing me with him.

"No, I…I'm sorry,” I cried as a sob wracked my body.

For a few moments, my ugly sobbing noises were the only sound you could hear. It was done. I lost him. I knew I would, but it still hurt.

Slowly, he took my hand in his and said, "There is still time Riya! Let's run away! I promise to take care of you for the rest of my life, love you like the precious gem that you are. Please, Ri! Let's pack our bags and go! Let's run away and build a life together"

The hope, the hurt and the pleading in his voice was enough to shatter me to the ground. I wanted to scream 'yes' and run away with him to distant lands where we could start anew. Start fresh. I wanted to sleep in his arms and wake up in them. I wanted him, the whole of him but I couldn't.

My dreams, my wishes, everything was broken but I stood strong. I stood strong because I had already taken my decision. I had already decided what I would do. I had already picked a side, no matter how sad it was.

And judging by the look in his eyes, he knew that too.

He knew what my decision was before I uttered it out of my lips.

So, he shook his head, his head hanging low as I started picking up my clothes.

I held his head in my hands and staring into his deep brown eyes with my watering ones, "I love you! I will forever love you, but I am very sorry. I can’t do that to my parents.”

A tear rolled down from his cheek, and it pierced straight through my core. He looked devastated, and it was all because of me.

I gulped as we continued gazing at each other, sharing not just the agony but the love we had for each other too. My gaze shifted when he bit his lips, and extending a hand towards me, he begged in a broken voice, “Let me have today at least”

I agreed with a kiss and spent the rest of the day as his. Entirely and utterly his.

A warm feeling on my hand pulled me back from my thoughts and into reality. It was my wedding, and I was standing in front of a huge crowd, next to a stranger who was now my husband. Wow!

My attention reverted to my hand. Someone was holding my hand.

Aarav.

Aarav was holding my hand.

As soon as I realized this, I started to pull away, when the grip on my hand tightened and I felt the small piece of paper in his palm.

Was he trying to tell me something? But why a piece of paper?

He could have just used his mouth, no? Or maybe he couldn't? Who knew?

I took the piece of paper and discreetly - or as discreet as I could amid thousands of guests - tried to read it. The words inside chilled me to my very bone.