THE TWENTIETH

“Hmm, this is a nice surprise,” I say sleepily as Taylor brushes my hair gently off my face and the aroma of fresh coffee tickles my nose.

“Stix is already downstairs working and I don’t have to be in the office until after lunch so I thought it would be nice to spend some time with my gorgeous wife.” Taylor smiles down at me and I can’t help the snort that escapes me at his description of me.

“Yeah right,” I say as I shift over so that I can sit up. I displace the ten million pillows that I seem to need these days, along with my pregnancy pillow, just to get a few hours of sleep sending them crashing to the floor as push myself back against the headboard. “I’m the size of a hippo, and not the pigmy kind either. My fingers and feet are so swollen I can’t even wear shoes or my wedding ring so, yeah, I’m positively gorgeous!” My voice drips with sarcasm but suddenly my eyes prick with tears as emotion washes over me. Damn you, pregnancy hormones!

“Stop it, Abs,” Taylor says firmly. “You are gorgeous. I’ve told you this before; you are growing our baby in there so how can I not think of you as the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“Humph,” I grumble feeling slightly mollified at his words.

“I’m serious, Abs. I know you feel awful. You’ve not exactly had the easiest pregnancy and Bean is certainly taking her toll on you but this is all just temporary. In a short time, Bean will be with us and things will go back to normal. But know this, no matter what shape or size you are, I will always love you. You are my penguin.” Taylor smiles at me as he winds his fingers through mine.

“You soppy git,” I respond grabbing the nearest pillow and thumping him on the arm with it.

Taylor just grins back at me infuriatingly.

“Tay,” I murmur. “It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?” Taylor asks looking at me with concern.

“The birth, I mean,” I say taking a deep breath. “Ever since we had to go to the hospital last weekend, it’s all I can think about. I know it was funny me peeing myself and all that, but truthfully I was terrified. And now every time I think about Bean coming I get all hot and cold and I start imagining all the things that could go wrong.”

“Oh, Abs. It’s going to be fine,” Taylor says reassuringly scooting over so that he can put his arms around me. “Besides, I’m going to be with you every step of the way. Okay?”

“Promise me, Taylor,” I implore. “Promise me that if anything goes wrong, you’ll make sure that they put Bean first.”

“Don’t be silly, Abs. Nothing is going to happen to you.” Taylor is starting to bristle at my words but I know I need to make it clear how I feel.

“I’m serious, Taylor. Things happen. And I want to know that if something does go wrong, you will make them do whatever it takes to make sure that Bean is fine. Even if it means…it means that I don’t…um…make it.” I swallow down the lump that has suddenly lodged itself in my throat.

Taylor is clearly aghast at my words. “I will not lose you, Abs. Once was enough! Never again, I will not lose you, period!”

“Tay,” I sigh. “Bean is more than just me. She is the two of us; she is the future. Just promise me that if it comes to it, you will make sure that they prioritise her. Please!” I implore.

I watch as Taylor squeezes his eyes together. “Fine,” he says curtly. “If that’s what you want, Abs. But don’t think I would idly sit by and let them sacrifice you for our daughter.”

“I know you wouldn’t, Taylor. I know you would fight for both of us but all I’m saying is that if the worst happens please, for me, make sure she survives.” I let out another sigh and wish for a moment that I hadn’t brought up the subject.

“I’m going for a shower,” Taylor says getting up off the bed still clearly agitated. I get the sense he needs some time to work through what we have just been talking about so I just give Taylor a weak smile in response.

I mull over my words. It’s something that has been dwelling in my subconscious for a while now and even though I’m sure I have completely pissed Taylor off, I do feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

The water turns on in the bathroom and I’m just debating whether to join Taylor in the shower when I notice that Taylor’s phone is buzzing quietly on the bedside table, the volume turned down low. The display shows that it is Detective Stanton and thinking that it might be something important, I answer the phone.

We exchange pleasantries but the detective quickly gets to the reason why she is phoning, “Abby, we have reason to believe that Richard is in Calais. We have been sent some footage of a person we believe to be Richard in the migrant camps. It’s fuzzy, but based on the description issued to Interpol, they believe it’s a match.”

My mind is reeling so I force myself to take a deep breath. “So why would he be there?” I ask. “It seems so bizarre.”

“Our belief is that he is trying to get back across the channel, using the people smugglers so that he can get back into the country undetected. The footage was actually taken by a news crew for general broadcast and it was just luck that someone recognised him from the description and called in the tip.”

“Okay,” I respond, not sure what else to say.

“We’ve had local police out there canvassing but as you can imagine with the current situation in the migrant camps no one is talking, let alone being helpful.” Detective Stanton lets out a sigh and I can’t help but feel for this woman who is working tirelessly around the clock to get some kind of justice for us.

“I have already informed Henry of this news, but I also wanted to let you know so that you can be aware of the current situation.” I thank the detective and then hang up, mulling over her words and wondering just how much of a threat Richard poses to us. A big one, I am guessing if he has gone to all this trouble to make people think he was in Africa and then trying to get back into the country via people traffickers.

“Who’s that?” Taylor’s voice startles me out of my reverie.

“Detective Stanton,” I respond, already able to tell that I am going to make Taylor’s mood even worse. “Richard has been spotted in Calais. She thinks he is trying to make his way over with the migrants who come over hidden in the trucks.” I go on to explain everything she just told me and also let him know that she has informed Henry.

By the time I have finished Taylor’s features are hard and it feels like today can’t really get much worse. “Sorry,” I murmur apologetically. “I don’t want to make you mad.”

“I’m not mad at you, Abs,” Taylor says with a sigh. “Just not exactly the morning I had planned that’s all.”

“Sorry,” I say again feeling like shit. Taylor just waves it off and heads into the wardrobe to get dressed. A moment later, Taylor’s phone buzzes again and when I see that it’s Henry, I silently move across the room and hand it over before heading out of the bedroom.

My coffee has gone cold so I make myself a fresh one and then head into my little garden. The scents of the flowers in bloom calm me as I curl up in my chair. I breathe deeply trying to let go of all the negativity, focusing instead on the sounds of the street below me, the screech of the gulls overhead and, very faintly in the distance, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.

I have just begun to feel a little more like myself when Taylor walks through to tell me he has to go up to London to meet with Henry. I give him a small smile and kiss him on the cheek when he bends down to give me a hug. It feels like we are parting on an argument and I hate how the butterflies are whirring around in my belly.

“Please, Taylor, don’t be mad at me. Okay?” I implore hoping to clear the air before he leaves.

“I’m not mad, Abs. I’m fine. I just have loads to do today, Okay?” Taylor responds, but his eyes don’t quite meet mine so I can tell he is lying.

“Okay,” I whisper and watch as Taylor disappears through the door.

~*~

This morning set the tone for the rest of the day and by the time I climb into bed at eleven I realise that Taylor hasn’t responded to any of my text messages or the couple of voicemails I left. I’m tempted to call Henry, just to make sure he is okay, but I rationalise that if there were a problem he would have called me already.

Nope, Taylor is probably still sulking about what I made him promise. I realise that it was a lot to ask but just knowing that he will make sure that Bean gets the best care and attention if the worst came to the worst makes me feel ten million times better.

I’m just drifting off to sleep when I hear the front door open and close softly and Taylor pad quietly up the stairs. As he enters the bedroom, I do my best to keep my breathing even and pretend to be asleep as he quickly strips off his clothes and then climbs under the covers next to me. Without a word, he turns his back on me, not even giving me his usual whispered goodnight. In moments his breathing evens out and I realise he has fallen fast asleep.

I lie there with silent tears cascading down my face wondering if this was maybe the one thing that could break us.