535- The Weight of Blood and Truth
POV Thalyndra Moonclaw:
I turned my body, facing Anton, and stared at my companion.
"I promised vengeance on the day my father was killed, that everyone present would also die, I just didn't know my own mother was involved in it." I cleared my throat. "Despite everything, I can't do it, I can't kill her." I cast one last look at her. "Do what you want. Kill her or imprison her, I don't care, I just don't want her to be free. She doesn't have the right to destroy anyone else, to take another heart."
"Don't do this, Thalyndra. Please, I'm your mother, no matter how hurt you are with me."
I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, my chest hurting. I felt Anton's hands on me, he pulled me into an embrace, giving me the comfort of his lap as I felt my world crumble, supporting me.
"We'll avenge William's death, Little Beast. It's okay if you can't do it, despite what she did, she's still your mother. You were strong all this time, you deceived the Mercante leader and killed him. I'm so proud of you." He kissed the top of my head. "This only makes me love you even more."
I grabbed the collar of his blouse, pulling him toward me, burying myself in his chest.
"Thank you!" I thanked him, when in truth, I wanted to say many other things to him, but I still didn't have the courage.
Edric hated the Shadow Mercantes with all his strength and they had just discovered that I was part of the clan, that their blood ran through my veins. Maybe... I was no longer as desired in Eldoria as before.
I moved away, avoiding thinking about it. I was too hurt to add one more thing to worry about.
I turned my back and walked away, without looking again in Sorina's direction. The first step wavered, as did the second, until I managed to steady them, moving away from the woman who was responsible for giving me life, while also being responsible for destroying me.
Far enough, I let the images of my father dominate my mind. I gave in, falling to my knees and letting the tears flow copiously.
...
I kept my head resting on my bent knees and watched the forest through the glass window of Anton's living room. The branches moved slowly as the gentle breeze blew against them.
I let out a heavy sigh.
I was exhausted, I had no more tears to shed. Although I hadn't entered the fight, I felt as if my muscles weighed tons.
There was a constant pain in my chest, annoying and persistent. Nothing I did made it stop, not even the bath, which usually relaxed me, helped this time.
I tilted my head, my wet hair sticking to the skin of my arms.
I felt strange, as if I were a fraud. An entire life based on lies and omissions. I grew up thinking I had a single mission: to continue my father's legacy, preserve our history, and stay far away from the Mercantes' trail. But... how could I do that if I was one of them? How could I run from myself, from the blood that ran through my veins?
A solitary tear rolled down my right cheek. I sighed again, without taking my eyes off the branches ahead.
If I had known what the meeting would result in, I would never have agreed. It would be much better to live with omission than with reality, because it was harsh and cruel.
What kind of terrible person was I, in the end? I killed my supposed uncle, Silas, my maternal grandfather, Severian, and condemned my own mother. If my father were alive, would he feel pride or disappointment? Would I still be his little girl, seen with love through his eyes?
I shuddered, taking a deep breath.
Perhaps living with the lack of answers was the best solution.
My chest warmed and I knew what it meant before even smelling him. It was something I had gotten used to in recent days and had begun to understand better.
A huge wolf crossed through the slightly open front door, walking slowly with deliberate steps. In an instant, his form shifted, and then Anton appeared in human form, completely naked.
I looked at him without showing any reaction. He was dirty, earth and blood covering his skin. His eyes were fixed on mine, his pupils dilated, his chest rising and falling rapidly with his ragged breathing.
I looked away, focusing again on the slow swaying of the branches. I didn't want to deal with him, with the truth we had discovered. I just wanted... to keep existing, trapped in my own cocoon, dealing with everything alone.
He approached and stopped in front of me, sitting on the edge of the wooden table.
"How are you?" he asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
I shrugged.
"I'm not sure yet."
He tilted his head, pressing his lips together.
"Your mother is dead," he announced. "Out of respect for what she once was to you, she had a quick and painless death. I buried her in the forest, along with the other Mercantes."
I let out a shaky sigh.
"Thank you."
Anton took a deep breath.
"Talk to me, Little Beast. I can feel what you feel, it's impossible to lie to me."
I dragged my eyes to him.
"The thing is, I don't know what I feel. At the same time that I blame myself for Sorina's death, I feel relieved. She was a good mother, most of the time, but she never truly loved me. Her loyalty was always with her Mercante family. I was just a... detour, something that shouldn't have happened, but did, and then she used it to benefit herself."
He clenched his jaw tightly upon hearing the bitterness in my tone of voice.
"If... if I had known the truth," he shook his head, disconcerted, "I would never have supported that meeting, I would have tried to resolve it alone and spare you from carrying that burden."
"Maybe it would have been better, if the reality had been omitted," I revealed.
I would have liked to keep the illusory image I had before, that my parents loved each other, that my mother was faithful and trustworthy, and that they died together. It would have been a thousand times better, lighter, and less traumatic. The truth isn't always the best path.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, and I felt a pang of guilt that I confirmed shortly after, by sharing his feelings.
"The fault isn't yours, nor mine, nor my father's. We were just victims of the Mercantes' ambition." I blinked slowly, more tears falling. "Do you think they'll keep coming after me? I killed one of the leaders and... I belong to the clan, in a way."