settling things?

I felt the air get knocked out of my lungs as i heard that. I gripped my stomach.

“look, i am sorry that you had to find out this way, i should have done better and…” he pulled his hair, looking as though he was freaking out, but that was nowhere near to how much i was freaking out.

A…. a baby?’ i thought, looking down at my still very flat stomach.

“there is no way…”

“look, it is still very early to find if it is true or not, the physician just knew beacuse he has been in this field for the past…”

I shook my head, not wanting to hear whatever it was he had to say, scratch that, neither he nor the physician knew what they were talking about.

I am the mother, i would have at least felt a slight change and….

“shut up!!!” i said, trying to stand up from the bed, which seemed to be a bad idea as the room started to spin. I reached out for supported as the ground started getting closer and closer,

I was falling.

“i’ve got you. I would always have your back.” he said, sniffing me a bit. Something wolves did to calm themselves when they wanted to make sure that their mates were safe.

I pushed him aside. “is.. is anything wrong?” he said, looking at me with wide eyes. He looked… too innocent

“this is wrong” i said, trying as much as possible to put some space between us now that i was back to my senses.

“what is wrong?” he looked at me, looking genuinely concerned.

“this!!!! all of this!!” i yelled, unable to hide the agitation in my voice any further. “you caring for me, holding me like you care for me…”

“but i do care for you” he said, cutting me off.

“i don’t care!!! this was not supposed to be how the story ends!!!!” i felt myself crashing out as tears rolled down my eyes.

“i don’t… i don’t understand. I just.. wanted to help and let you know that i support you through…”

“No!!!!” i yelled, shaking my head “you caused all of this!!!” i said, pointing an acusing finger at him. “you chose someone over me, pushing me to the arms of another!”

“you would never forgive that would you?” he said, looking a bit shattered.

“i would rather die than do that” i sneered, looking at him from head to toe. “i found love, warmth, everything and more in the hands of another and i just.. it all just….”

“…left me” i said, my voice coming out more broken than i could imagine, the image of the departing ritual that was held for Andrew playing over and over in my head.

“i am…” he tried to speak again but i shook my head.

There was no need to hear what he wanted to say, it did not matter any more. I knew that it was only a matter of time. Either the queen got to me, or Lucia was going to do everything in her power to take this baby from me.

“just give me a bit of time, when i am fully healed, i would be out of your hair.” i said. He looked like he had a lot to say but instead nodded, leaving me alone with the guilt that was fighting tooth and nail to consume me.

I let out a sigh along with thick sobs.

I killed him’ i thought, gathering the sheets to hide me from the guilt. ‘i killed him without giving him the opportunity to know that he was a father. I felt another jab to my chest as the thought crossed my mind.

Sob after sob dropped from my mouth as i clutched my stomach.

“how can i even love you when i could not love the one person i was given a second chance with?” i muttered, looking down at my stomach.

I let out a sigh, my mind going into a blank mode as i stared at the ceiling.

“hey” the familiar voice which was Eric’s called, from the door.

“i said you should leave me alone” i said with a grunt, turning away from him so i did not have to see him.

“yes, but you have been here a whole day and you haven’t gotten even water to drink so i thought i should get yu something” he said, opening the door further.

“i am not hungry”

“you should not do it for you, it needs nutrients” i sighed sitting up to take whatever he wanted to give me. The faster i listened, the faster he got out of my hair.

“fine” i said, taking the food from him. I did not realise how hungry i was till i was wolfing down each slice of bread on the plate.

“you know… you don’t have to do it alone yes?” i opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off. “just till the baby turns two. I read somewhere that it is hard to raise a child alone. Let me be the help you need, a support system, anything you want to call it” he said, looking at me desperately.

“i would not want to place that burden on you” i said, looking down at it. “taking care of a child that is not yours, your wolf would ever agree to it, it’s just…” i shook my head

“sam… with everything in me, i promise, i would provide for this child and love it as though it is mine… do you know why?” he said, sitting on the bed so that he could be at my level. “because i love you. Not because you remind me of someone else, not because of anything, but because you are you…” he took in a deep breath, looking at me with a small smile even though he seemed scared. “and i know i have said it before, but i am sorry it took almost loosing you to realise that”

I shook my head. “even if i do forgive you, even though we do move on from this. You are going to want your child one day, what if it happens within those two years and then…”

“I am certain that i would not want any other child within those two years… unless you want to also have them” i looked at him, my eyes widenening as i understood what he was trying to say.

He still wanted me as his mate, i let out a deep breath again,

Could i really forgive him though???