Chapter 67
Evelyn's POV
Julian slept for exactly ninety minutes. I knew because I spent the entire time sitting beside him on the sofa, watching the clock, thinking.
Thinking about what we were doing. What this meant. What happened next.
Thinking about Adrian, and the guilt that twisted in my gut every time I remembered the way Julian had touched me, the way I'd responded. Adrian, who I'd loved for so long, who I still loved in a way that felt like a scar that wouldn't heal.
Thinking about Julian, and the way he'd looked at me last night. The way he'd said "mine" like he meant it. The way he'd risked everything to save me without asking for anything in return.
Thinking about myself, and what kind of person I was becoming. What kind of person I'd always been, beneath the training and the missions and the carefully constructed masks.
When Julian's breathing changed, when I felt him starting to wake, something in my chest tightened with an emotion I couldn't name.
His eyes opened slowly, unfocused at first, then landing on me. The smile that spread across his face was pure, unguarded delight—the kind of expression that belonged on a child's face, not a hardened mercenary's.
"You stayed," he said, wonder evident in his sleep-rough voice. "You've been here the whole time?"
I found myself smiling back, unable to help it. "Yes. Your assistant came and went. I brought your clothes in, but you were already asleep by then." I gestured to the garment bag draped over the nearby chair. "They're right there."
"Thank you." He sat up, leaning over to press a soft kiss to my cheek. The gesture was so casual, so affectionate, that it made my throat tight.
I should tell him now. Should explain that we needed to keep this private, that no one could know. Should establish the boundaries that would keep us both safe.
But looking at his face, still soft with sleep and happiness, I found I couldn't do it. Couldn't shatter this moment of peace with the reality of what we were up against.
Just a little longer, I told myself. Let him have this happiness a little longer before I ruin it.
Julian stood, stretching with a groan as various joints popped, then reached for the garment bag. He started toward the bathroom, then paused, glancing back at me with an expression that was part mischief, part genuine hope.
"You haven't showered yet either, right?" he asked. "Want to join me?"
The invitation hung in the air between us. I should say no. Should use this time to prepare what I needed to tell him, to steel myself for the conversation we needed to have.
But instead, I found myself wanting to see that childlike smile again. Wanting to give him—give us—just a little more time before reality crashed back in.
"Okay," I said.
The smile that lit up his face was exactly what I'd hoped for—pure, uncomplicated joy. Like I'd just given him something precious rather than simply agreeing to shower together.
Something warm and achingly tender unfurled in my chest. An almost maternal protectiveness, a desire to shield this moment of happiness, to preserve the lightness in his expression for as long as possible.
God, when had I become so soft?
---
The bathroom filled with steam as Julian adjusted the water temperature in the large walk-in shower. But his attention kept drifting to the deep soaking tub in the corner, and after a moment he changed course, moving to fill it instead.
"Shower's faster," I observed, watching him add bath salts from a container I'd forgotten I owned.
"I know." He glanced back at me with that playful smirk. "But we're not in a hurry. And I want to take my time with you."
The promise in his voice made heat pool low in my belly despite the thorough workout he'd given me last night.
When the tub was full, Julian stripped off his jeans and climbed in first, settling back against the curved edge before extending a hand to me. I pulled off his t-shirt and took his hand, letting him guide me into the water.
The heat was perfect, just shy of too hot, and I sank into it with a sigh. Julian's hands found my waist, pulling me back against his chest so I was nestled between his legs, my back to his front.
For a while we just sat there, his arms wrapped around me, the water lapping gently against our skin. It was peaceful in a way I'd never experienced before—this quiet intimacy, this simple pleasure of being held.
Then I felt him hardening against my lower back, his cock pressing insistently against my spine as his breath hitched.
A reckless impulse took hold of me. An urge to give rather than receive, to see Julian lose that careful control he always maintained.
I turned in his arms, water sloshing over the edge of the tub as I repositioned myself to straddle his lap. His eyes widened slightly, surprise and arousal warring in his expression.
"Evelyn—"
"Do you have condoms?" I asked, my voice coming out huskier than intended.
He blinked. "In my pants pocket."
I climbed out of the tub, water streaming down my body as I crossed to where his pants lay crumpled. I found the strip of condoms in his pocket and tore one off before returning to the water.
Julian watched me with dark, hungry eyes as I climbed back into the tub, straddling him again. I handed him the condom packet, and he tore it open with his teeth, rolling it on.
He kissed me, slow and deep, one hand tangling in my wet hair while the other gripped my hip.
I lifted myself up, positioning over him, then slowly sank down. The stretch was still intense even with the water's help, my body not quite used to accommodating his size yet. But the slight burn only added to the pleasure, the fullness making me gasp against his mouth.
Julian's hands gripped my hips hard enough to bruise, his head falling back against the tub's edge as a guttural groan tore from his throat.
"Fuck," he breathed, his voice strained. "You feel so good. So fucking perfect."
I started to move, finding a rhythm that had him cursing under his breath. His hands guided my hips but didn't control them, letting me set the pace. Water splashed onto the tile floor with each movement, but neither of us cared.
Julian's eyes were locked on my face, dark with desire and something deeper that made my chest tight. His expression was almost reverent, like he couldn't quite believe this was happening.
"You're so fucking beautiful," he murmured, one hand leaving my hip to cup my breast, thumb circling my nipple. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?"