Chapter 55
Evelyn's POV
The apartment fell silent. I could hear my own heartbeat. The whisper of fabric as Julian moved closer. The displacement of air against my skin as he raised his hands.
I closed my eyes. Some buried instinct made me want to retreat into darkness. To focus on physical sensation rather than the complicated emotions it evoked.
His fingers brushed the nape of my neck as he draped the chain across my collarbones. My entire body went rigid. Every nerve suddenly hyperaware. Of his proximity. The warmth of his hands. The way his breath stirred the small hairs at my skull's base.
The cross settled into its position against my sternum. Cool silver against overheated skin. I felt something in my chest loosen at having this piece of my mother returned.
Julian's fingers worked the clasp with surprising skill. I realized he must have practiced this. Must have spent time learning the mechanism so he could do this smoothly.
The thought sent a strange shiver down my spine. Julian Russell—who commanded armies and toppled governments—had practiced putting on a necklace. So he could return it to me with grace.
His fingers lingered at my nape longer than necessary. Tracing the delicate ridge of vertebrae with a touch so light it might have been accidental. Might have been deliberate. I felt my breath catch. Felt heat bloom low in my belly. My body betraying me with its reaction even as my mind screamed warnings.
Then his hands withdrew. He stepped back, putting careful distance between us.
"There." His voice had gone slightly rough. "It won't fall off again. I made sure of that."
I opened my eyes and touched the cross. Confirming its presence with trembling fingers. The metal had already warmed from my body heat. I felt absurdly grateful for this small restoration. For having this piece of my past returned.
"It never fell off," I said quietly. Still facing away. Unable to turn and meet his eyes after what just happened. The words came out more vulnerable than intended. "You stole it."
There was a pause. Then Julian laughed softly. The sound held self-deprecation I'd rarely heard from him. "You're right," he said. "I'm a thief without scruples. But you know what I really wanted to steal wasn't the necklace at all. It was your heart—the one you left somewhere else a long time ago."
I didn't answer. Couldn't answer.
"The situation outside is handled," Julian continued. His tone turning pragmatic. "Caldwell's receiving medical treatment. He's agreed to explain that the text message was meant to indicate Adrian helped him during the kidnapping. Everything is developing exactly as you hoped it would."
I wanted to argue. To say it had been a mistake, not mercy. That my aim had faltered in that crucial moment not by choice but by failure. But the words wouldn't come. Some part of me recognized that the lie wouldn't convince either of us.
I'd seen Caldwell's face. Heard the desperate sincerity in his voice. Recognized in his eyes the same helpless confusion I'd felt when Arthur first "rescued" me. And I'd made a choice that had nothing to do with training and everything to do with who I'd been before Vorkuta.
"It doesn't matter," I said. The words felt hollow. "One moment of weakness doesn't change what I am. I'm still a killer, Julian. One decision doesn't erase twenty-nine other deaths."
"No." His voice went almost gentle. "It doesn't erase anything. But it suggests you're not as far gone as you think. That maybe there's still enough of Evelyn Valentine left to be worth saving."
Hearing my real name hit me hard. I'd gotten so used to being Wraith. The ghost who left only corpses. Hearing someone speak to the person I'd been before felt almost like resurrection.
"You don't know me." My voice cracked. "You don't know anything about who I was. About what I've lost. About why I can't afford to be that person anymore."
"You're right." Julian moved closer again. "I don't know your whole story. But I know you're drowning, sweetheart. And sometimes the only way to save someone drowning is to give them something to hold onto besides their pride."
He was close enough now to see the faint lines at his eyes. The shadow of exhaustion that matched my own. Something in his expression looked almost like genuine concern.
"I'm going to die," I said quietly. Speaking the words aloud for the first time. "Viktor won't forgive this failure. Kholod doesn't accept excuses. They'll send hunters. And those hunters will find me. Your presence might delay it, but it won't change the outcome."
"No," Julian agreed. His voice held fierce conviction. "It won't change the equation. But it will give you time, Evelyn. Time to prepare. Time to plan. Time to figure out how to survive this. And maybe—" He paused. Something vulnerable flickered across his face. "Maybe time to realize you don't have to face this alone."
I stared at him. Trying to understand what he was offering. The problem was I'd lost the ability to trust my judgment in Siberia. I'd learned too many times that kindness was usually manipulation. That help always came with a price.
I reached up to touch the cross again. Felt its reassuring weight. And made a decision that was probably stupid but felt inevitable.
"Does it look good on me?" I asked. My voice came out quieter than intended. Almost vulnerable. I watched Julian's face carefully, trying to read his expression in the dim light.
His eyes dropped to where the cross rested against my sternum. The silver gleamed against my skin. When he looked back up, something had shifted in his gaze. Gone darker. More intense.
"Beautiful," he said. His voice had roughened. "Absolutely breathtaking."
I held his stare as I reached up to hook my fingers under the thin straps of my nightgown. Slowly—deliberately—I slid them down my shoulders. Let the silk whisper down my body to pool at my feet on the hardwood floor.
The apartment's cool air raised goosebumps across my skin. I stood there completely naked except for the silver cross. Exposed in a way that should have triggered every defensive instinct I possessed. But I didn't move to cover myself. Didn't flinch or retreat. Just let him look.
"And now?" I asked. My heart was pounding but my voice stayed steady. "What about now?"