51- Lord of sky

"It's good, isn't it?"

"Yes. Too bad it doesn't live up to its promises..."

"This is the first time I'm drinking it."

"Me too."

"It's like your rose bush, I bought it because of the label..."

"Yes. Disgusting... It's absurd."

"But you're still young..."

"No, I'm old. I feel old. I'm worn out. I feel like I'm becoming distrustful. I'll look at my life through a peephole. I won't open the door anymore. Back off. Show your paw. Very well, now the other one. Take off your shoes before entering. Stay in the hallway. Stay still there."

"No, you will never become that kind of woman. No matter how much you wanted to, you couldn't. People will continue to enter and exit your life, you will suffer again and that's perfectly fine. You don't concern me."

"No, of course not..."

"Of course, what?"

"I don't concern you. You don't care about anyone anyways..."

"That's true, you're right. I don't know how to approach people."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Because others don't interest me, I suppose..."

"... except Adrien."

"What about Adrien?"

"I think about him."

"Does Adrien concern you?"

"Yes, I think so... Yes."

"In any case, he's the one who concerns me the most..."

"Why?"

"Because he's unhappy."

I was flabbergasted.

"What a thing to hear! He's not unhappy at all... On the contrary, he's very happy! He traded in a worn-out and boring woman for a shiny and lively one. His life is much more fun now, you know?"

I rolled up my sleeves.

"Let's see, for example, what time is it now? Quarter to ten. Where is the poor martyr? Where is he? At the cinema, or the theater, perhaps? Or having dinner somewhere. They must have finished the first course by now... He strokes her palm, thinking about what comes next. Watch out, here comes the second course, she retrieves her hand and returns the smile. Or maybe they're in bed... Which is most likely, right? In the beginning, they make love a lot, if I recall correctly..."

"You're being cynical."

"I'm protecting myself."

"Whatever he does, he's unhappy."

"Because of me, you mean? Am I ruining his party? Aren't I ungrateful..."

"No, not because of you, because of him. Because of this life that doesn't do anything as one would expect. Our efforts are futile..."

"You're right, poor thing..."

"You're not listening to me."

"No."

"Why aren't you listening to me?"

I nibbled on a piece of bread.

"Because you're a bulldozer, you destroy everything in your path. My sadness..."

What does my sadness do to him? It makes him uncomfortable and soon it will bother him, I know that perfectly well. And this notion of blood ties... That stupid idea... You haven't even once been able to hug your children, to tell them that you loved them, but still, I know that you will always defend them. No matter what they say, no matter what they do, they will always be right against the barbarians that the rest of us are. We, who don't carry your name.

It seems like your children haven't given you much reason to be proud, but you're the only one who can criticize them. The only one! Adrien left me stranded with the girls. Well, that upsets me too, but I no longer expect to hear any words of reproach. Any words of reproach... it wouldn't change anything, but it would make me so happy! So happy, if you only knew... Yes, it's regrettable... I'm regrettable. But a few well-spoken words, sharp words, like you're so good at... Why not for him? I deserve them, after all. I await the patriarch's condemnation, sitting at the other end of the table. After all the years I've spent listening to you divide the world. The good and the bad, those who deserve your respect and those who don't. After all the years I've swallowed your sermons, your authority, your disapproving gestures, your silences... All that affectation. All that affectation... After all this time of you nagging, Pierre...

"You know, I'm a simple person and I need to hear you say: 'My son is a jerk and I apologize to you.' I need it, understand?"

"Don't count on me."

I collected the dishes.

"I wasn't counting on you."

"Do you want dessert?"

"No."

"You don't want anything?"

"Everything has gone to waste... I must have pulled the wrong thread... I was no longer listening to him."

"The knot has tightened and now we're further apart than ever. So, I'm an old idiot... A monster... What else?"

I was looking for a cloth.

"And what else?! I looked into his eyes.

"Look, Pierre, for years I lived with a man who couldn't stand on his own two feet because his father had never properly supported him. When I met Adrien, he wouldn't dare take a step for fear of disappointing him. And all those things he did depressed me because he never did them for himself, but for you. To impress you or annoy you. To provoke you or please you. It was pathetic. I was barely twenty years old and I gave up my whole life for him. To listen to him and to stroke the back of his neck when he finally confided in me. I don't regret anything, anyway I couldn't have done things any differently. It made me sick to see a guy like him degrade himself to that extent. We spent whole nights untangling everything and putting things in their place. I made him react. I told him a thousand times that his story was too easy. Too easy! We made good resolutions and then trampled on them, made new ones, and in the end, I abandoned my studies so that he could resume his. I got to work and for three years, I took him to university every day before going to waste time in the basements of the Louvre. It was an agreement between the two of us: I didn't complain on the condition that he would never mention you to me again. I have no merit. I never told him