48- Close to my heart

He came up from the cellar with two bottles pressed against him as if they were newborns.

"Château Chasse-Spleen... You have to admit, it's perfect... Just what we need. I picked two, one for you, and one for me."

"You're crazy! You should save them for a better occasion..."

"A better occasion than what?" He moved his chair closer to the fireplace.

"Well... I don't know... than us... than tonight." She wrapped her body with her arms to warm her treasure.

"But we are a great occasion, Chloé. We are the best occasion in the world. I've been coming to this house since I was a child, I've eaten and dined thousands of times in this kitchen, and believe me, I know a great occasion when I see one."

Pity about that condescending tone.

He turned his back and stared at the fire without moving.

"Chloé, I don't want you to leave..."

I threw the spaghetti into the colander, along with the cloth.

"You make me nervous. All you do is talk nonsense. You only think about yourself. How annoying. 'I don't want you to leave.' But why would you say something so stupid? Remind you that I'm not the one leaving... You have a son, remember? A grown-up boy. Well, he's the one who left. He did! Weren't you aware? Well, let me tell you, it's a funny story. So, it was... By the way, when was it? Well, never mind, the point is that Adrien, the wonderful Adrien, packed his bags the other day. Put yourself in my shoes, I was surprised. Oh, right, because I haven't told you, but it turns out I was that boy's wife. His wife, you know, that practical thing you take everywhere and that smiles when you give it a kiss. Well, I was surprised, imagine that... There he was, with our suitcases in front of the elevator of our apartment, checking his watch and groaning. He groans because he's very nervous, poor little angel! About the elevator, the suitcases, his wife, and the plane, what a mess! Yes, indeed! Because, of course, we can't lose the plane, his lover was on it! The lover, you know, that young and impatient girl who gets on your nerves a bit. There's no time for a little scene, of course... And besides, scenes are so vulgar... The Dippels have been raised not to make scenes, you know? The screams, the scenes, the mood swings, all that is vulgar, right? The Dippels are of the never explain, never complain style, ah, yes, completely different. They have class."

"Chloé, shut up right now!"

I was crying.

"But can you hear yourself? Can you hear how you're talking to me? I'm not a dog, Pierre. I'm not your dog, dammit! I let Adrien go without tearing his eyes out, I closed the door quietly, and now I'm here, I'm in front of you, in front of my daughters. I'm in control. I'm in control, understand? Do you understand that word? Who has heard my screams of despair, who? So don't bother me now with your little grievances. You don't want me to leave... Oh, Pierre... I'm going to have to disobey you... Oh, I'm so sorry... I'm so..."

He grabbed my wrists and squeezed them with all his strength. He immobilized my arms.

"Let go of me! You're hurting me! They all hurt me in this family! Pierre, let go of me."

As soon as he released the pressure, my head fell onto his shoulder.

"They all hurt me..."

I was crying on his neck, forgetting how uncomfortable he must have felt, he who never touched anyone. He said, "Come on, come on...". He said, "I'm sorry". And also, "I feel as much pain as you...". He didn't know what to do with his hands.

Finally, he moved away to set the table.

"For you, Chloé."

I clinked my glass against his.

"Yes, for me," I repeated with a twisted smile.

"You're an amazing girl."

"Yes, amazing. And strong, brave... What else?"

"Funny."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot, funny."

"But unfair."

"..."

"You're unfair, aren't you?"

"..."

"Do you think I only love myself?"

"Yes."

I nodded. I wasn't bad, I was unhappy. He sighed.

"Why am I an old fool?"

"Because you don't love anyone. You never relax. You're never present. You're never part of our conversations and our nonsense, you're never part of our mediocre little affair. Because you're not tender, because you're always silent and your silence seems like disdain. Because...

"Alright, alright, that's enough of that."

"I'm sorry, I'm answering your question. You asked me why you