Between Betrayals and Coping with Pain

Between Betrayals and Coping with Pain
Dominic’s Point of View

I drove aimlessly after leaving Maggie’s apartment; I didn’t think about a destination, I didn’t think about anything. I just drove. Before I knew it, I was stopped near the water. The engine was off, the heavy silence all around broken only by the distant sound of waves crashing against the concrete. The day was just beginning to break, but the twilight of night lingered, as if the world, too, hadn’t yet decided whether it wanted to move forward. I rested my head on the seat for a second before opening the door and getting out of the car. The cold dawn air hit my face, but it wasn’t enough to extinguish the heat burning inside me, so I lit the cigarette I’d bought at a convenience store on the way.

The taste was strange, almost too bitter. I hadn’t smoked in a long time, not since I found out about Jamie. I didn’t want the smoke to reach him, not even the smell lingering on my clothes, so I quit, completely.

But now… now I needed the nicotine. It was either that or beating someone until I felt nothing.

I took a deep drag, letting the smoke fill my lungs while my eyes remained fixed on the dark water in front of me.

Maggie was alive. Jamie was alive. My family was okay.

Safe.

How long had I longed to hear that? How long had I thought I’d give everything I had… even my own life… just to have them back, even if only for a single moment? And I had that moment.

I saw my son up close, smelled him, touched his warm, soft skin, watched him sleep, peaceful, as if the world were a safe place. I kissed him, held him in my arms again, felt his weight, his warmth… his life. He was breathing. Right there. Alive.

My chest tightened, and I took another drag, exhaling the smoke slowly.

I also saw Maggie, spoke to her, touched her, kissed her. I recognized every detail of her body as if time had not passed… as if nothing had been lost. It could very well have been a dream, one of those cruel dreams that seem too real, but it wasn’t. It was real, and like everything in reality… it wasn’t as perfect as I wanted to believe.

Why did she do that? The question swirled in my head like an endless hell. Maggie chose to lie, chose to deceive me, chose to run away with my son and build a life far from Russia… far from everything… far from me. She chose to take Jamie away from me, as if it were nothing, as if he weren’t… everything to me.

I dropped the cigarette for a second, running my hand roughly across my face.

Damn… she was pregnant. Pregnant with another child of mine, a child we’d been planning to have, that we wanted, and I wasn’t there. I didn’t see the first ultrasound, didn’t hear the heartbeat, didn’t feel the first movement, didn’t even know if it was a girl… or another boy.

Nothing, I had nothing.

I clenched my jaw, the taste of the cigarette turning even more bitter in my mouth.

Was she unhappy? Was that it? Did she pretend all that time that she was trying to fit into my world while she was planning to run away? Or… did that come later? What the hell happened for her to decide that we were better off apart?

I let the cigarette fall from my mouth and crushed it with my foot, extinguishing the ember on the concrete.

Maggie asked me more than once if I hated her.

I let out a heavy sigh, staring into nothingness for a few seconds.

I didn’t know what I felt, not completely. I was angry, I was disappointed, hurt. Just looking at her… it hurt, but to hate…

I shook my head slightly.

I didn’t know if I was capable of that, not completely. At the same time… I also didn’t know if I could move on as if nothing had happened.

Forgive.

Forget.

Pretend.

None of that seemed possible.

I stood there, motionless, staring at the water as the sky began to slowly lighten. Caught between two things I didn’t know how to resolve, unsure which one would destroy me first.

She fled Russia. That was the simplest truth… and the hardest to swallow: Maggie wouldn’t come back, not easily. She made it clear, in every word, in every choice, that this wasn’t her place… nor Jamie’s. So what the hell could I do? Drag her back? Force her to resume a marriage that might not even exist anymore? Was there anything left of us to resume?

The question kept echoing in my head as I turned and walked back to the car. I got in, slammed the door harder than necessary, and started the engine, then drove through the still-quiet city, the sky slowly brightening above the buildings. The GPS on the dashboard showed the route to the address I’d entered without much thought; I needed to go somewhere, to let some of the turmoil inside me spill out—that was my only option at the moment.

Alina’s hotel.

It wasn’t that far from where I was staying, but it was clearly farther from downtown, less luxurious, and more discreet. Strategic… and closer to Maggie’s building. Of course, that was probably why Alina had chosen that place.

I parked without worrying too much about the spot and entered the hotel with firm steps; the lobby was almost empty, just an employee behind the counter who barely looked up as I passed. I took the elevator and went to the twelfth floor. The silence inside the elevator was suffocating, filled only by the low hum of the mechanism as it ascended. When the doors opened, I walked straight down the hallway until I stopped in front of the door I knew was hers.

I clenched my fist and knocked hard.

Once.

Twice.

It didn’t take long for the door to open, and Alina appeared. Her hair was a mess, her face still marked by sleep… but her eyes were far from tired; they were fierce.

“What the hell, Dominic?” she said, her voice heavy with irritation.

I didn’t waste any time.

“You knew about Maggie.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement spat out.

I saw the exact moment she swallowed hard, her eyes widened slightly, and her fingers tightened on the door. That was my confirmation, so I walked past her without asking permission and entered the room.

The place was a mess, the bed unmade, sheets thrown haphazardly, and several bags of junk scattered about, as if she’d spent the whole night awake, eating and thinking—or avoiding thinking.

I heard the door close behind me and turned around. Alina was walking toward me now, and her gaze was no longer fierce; it was one of guilt.

“Would you have told me if I hadn’t shown up in this miserable town?” I asked, my voice low but hard. She didn’t answer; instead, she looked away for a second, and that was answer enough. “Why?” I insisted, taking a step forward. “Why would you hide this from me, knowing how desperate I was for answers?”

She took a deep breath before speaking.

“Did you ask her why she did what she did?” That’s what I should have done, right?

“No,” I replied, looking away for a moment. “I need to have my head on straight when I hear what she has to say. Now wouldn’t be the time.”

Alina sighed, running her hand through her hair.

“She loves you, Dominic. She had a reason, and it’s not what you’re thinking.”

I let out a snort, humorless.

“And do you know what I’m thinking?”

“The worst-case scenario,” she replied without hesitation. I looked up at her. “You’re thinking of the worst and most selfish reason she could have had for doing this,” she continued. “Even though you know that’s not what it was.”

I held her gaze for a long moment as silence settled in. I ran the tip of my tongue over my dry lips before speaking again, changing the subject. Because maybe… just maybe… she was right, and I wasn’t ready to admit it.

“How did you find out?” I asked. “Were you looking for Mikhail?”

Alina frowned.

“You don’t know yet?”

I let out a short, humorless laugh.

“All I know,” I began, feeling the anger rise again, “is that she and Jamie are alive when I thought they were dead, that Marco DeGrassi helped her do this, that she built a life here without me… and that she didn’t intend for that to change.” My voice grew harsher with every word. “She’d hide another child from me… I… I…”

My breathing was heavy now, my chest rising and falling sharply as anger coursed hot through my veins. Alina watched me in silence for a second before finally speaking.

“I found out the day I followed Irina, Dominic.” Alina said that and I blinked; for a moment I really thought I’d misunderstood. What the hell was that? My mom knew? “Maggie and Jamie were the people Irina came to meet here in Seattle,” Alina said, aloud, as if she were just putting into words something obvious, but it wasn’t obvious to me.

Not at that moment.

There was too much going on in my head—too much information, too many emotions. I hadn’t connected the dots; I hadn’t linked my mom’s arrival to the same city where Maggie was, but now… now it was impossible not to see that it wasn’t a coincidence.

“My mother knew Maggie was alive,” I murmured, more to myself than to her, nodding slowly.

Something inside me grew cold—not in a good way. It was a piercing cold that seemed to spread through my chest, freezing everything in its path, and somehow, each new revelation managed to be worse than the last.

“She made a deal with Maggie,” Alina continued, her voice lower now, laden with something that seemed like… pity. “So that she and Jamie would get out of your life, Dominic.”

“What?” The word slipped out before I could control it.

Dry and incredulous.

“That wasn’t the main reason Maggie did what she did,” she added quickly. “But it was one of the reasons she didn’t want you to know the truth. Ever.”

I fell silent, my eyes wide but unfocused; it was as if everything around me had lost definition, while my thoughts raced too fast for me to keep up. I thought the betrayals within the Bratva had been enough; I thought I’d already taken the hardest blow, but no. Now came another, and another, and another, and worst of all… from people who had almost a solemn duty never to betray me.

“Who else knew about Maggie?” I asked, finally, my voice coming out low and icy.

“As far as I know,” Alina replied, hesitating for a second, “her mother and Marco were the only ones directly involved in her plan.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I found out after following Irina; that’s when everything clicked for me.” I nodded slowly. “And… oh,” she added, as if remembering something, “Marco’s little dog. A guy named Beckham—he kept an eye on her.” I nodded again, almost automatically, as if my body were reacting on its own while my mind was still trying to process everything. “Dominic…” Alina called, taking a step toward me.

I cut her off.

“You can pack your things and go back to Russia,” I said, without looking at her. “There’s nothing left for you to do here.”

I didn’t give her a chance to reply; I just turned and walked to the door, opening it and leaving the room. I heard her call my name twice, but I didn’t look back or stop; I kept walking down the hallway until I reached the elevator.

My mother… I knew what she was capable of, but she saw it. She saw what I became after I thought Maggie and Jamie were dead. She saw me being destroyed, and yet… she did it. Was there no maternal love there at all? Or… was that what her love was? Control, decision, result above all else.

I clenched my jaw.

What kind of fucking deal did Maggie make with her? Why? Why would she agree to something like that? She knew my mother hated her. She knew she wanted her and Jamie away from me, so what was the price? What did Irina offer… to get that?

The elevator doors opened and I stepped inside, pressing the button without really paying attention, then it hit me all at once. The air seemed to vanish from my lungs; I couldn’t breathe properly.

The pain of losing Maggie and Jamie… had been unbearable and brutal, and of course… knowing they were alive should be everything I could want, but it wasn’t just that now; there was the betrayal… of every person I loved.

It gnawed at me, burned, hurt. It hurt just as much as thinking they were dead. Knowing that Maggie had chosen, that she’d made deals, that she’d asked for help to stay away from me, to live a whole life without me. Without me being able to watch my son grow up, without me knowing about the other child she was carrying…

I closed my eyes for a second, resting my head against the cold wall of the elevator.

This shit… It gnawed at me just as much as the idea that she was dead.

Finally managing to get out of Alina’s building, I sat in my car, hands resting on the steering wheel, my gaze lost through the windshield. The world outside was already brighter, the city’s movement beginning to come alive, but inside the car there was still a suffocating silence.

I was trying to decide where to go. Go back to the hotel… and get stuck in that room, watching the hours tick by while the thoughts in my head grew darker and darker? Or go back to Maggie’s apartment… face her, demand answers, hear truths I didn’t know if I was ready to bear… and maybe lose what little sanity I had left?

My jaw clenched.

Jamie was there, my son, and, damn it… he was the only thing that could calm the fury raging inside me. Maybe… maybe it wasn’t the worst idea, or maybe I should do the opposite. Keep driving aimlessly, let the city pass me by while I tried to get my head straight, organize my thoughts, push away a little that whirlwind of conflicting emotions bubbling inside me—after all, nothing made sense when it all came at once.

I let out a heavy sigh, running my hand over my face. I was about to start the car, determined to just drive and see where it would take me… When the sound of my cell phone broke the silence inside the car, I immediately grabbed the phone and looked at the screen.

Nicolai—the name glowed there, insistently. He’d already called several times before. Probably wanting to know what I’d found out about that Alice.

I didn’t answer; I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it, but now… Now there was no way to put it off any longer. Sooner or later, everyone would find out. It had only been a secret because they were hiding it from me, and that was over.

I answered the call and held the phone to my ear.

“Damn it, Dominic, finally,” Nicolai’s voice came immediately, heavy with tension. “Where the hell have you been? Was it that bad?”

I exhaled through my nose, resting my head against the seatback for a second.

“No… it wasn’t bad,” I replied, my voice coming out lower than I expected. “But it wasn’t good either… I…” I stopped.

The words just wouldn’t come.

“Is that my brother?” I heard Yulia’s voice in the background.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

Great, I wouldn’t have to repeat that to her later.

“Dominic,” Nicolai called again, more serious this time.

I swallowed hard.

“She’s alive, Nicolai.” The words came out all at once, unprepared and without softening.

On the other end, there was only silence for a moment.

“What?” he asked, confused. “Who’s alive? Dominic, what the hell are you talking about?”

I ran my hand over my face, feeling the weight of every word even before I said them.

“I’m saying…” I began, taking a deep breath. “I’m saying that Maggie and Jamie aren’t dead.” My voice hardened. “They’re here, in Seattle. Very much alive… and apparently well.”

The silence that followed was even heavier and denser, almost palpable.

“Nicolai, what did he say? You’re pale,” Yulia’s voice came again, closer now.

“I don’t…” Nicolai tried, clearly at a loss. “Dominic… what the hell are you saying?”

“It’s true,” I confirmed, closing my eyes for a second. “Maggie is alive.”

“How?” he asked, his voice low, almost a whisper.

I let out a bitter snort.

“She planned it all,” I said, every word laden with bitterness. “She faked everything. The kidnapping… the accident… everything.” My hand gripped the steering wheel tightly. “All so I’d believe she and Jamie were dead.” The words tasted sour in my mouth. I let out another snort, staring into the void ahead of me. “The answer I wanted so badly…” I continued, my voice lower now, colder, “in the end seems just as cruel as everything I thought I knew.”