Between Love and Pain

Between Love and Pain
Maggie's Point Of View

As soon as the car pulled up in front of my building, the driver turned off the engine and the silence inside the vehicle seemed to grow even heavier. The streetlights partially illuminated the facade of the building, reflecting off the car windows. Dominic and I got out at almost the same time, each on one side of the vehicle. The night air was cool, but I hardly felt it. Dominic closed the door with a firm movement and then walked around the front of the car. For a moment, he just stood there, looking at the building where I lived. I watched his profile under the light of the street lamps. His fist clenched even tighter at his side, and his jaw was so stiff it looked like it was about to crack, but he remained silent.

I knew what he was thinking. That building represented all the months he believed I was dead... while I was living there. My stomach tightened with the weight of that truth.

When we started walking toward the building's entrance, we did so side by side, but the distance between us was clear. Dominic kept a few steps of space between his body and mine, as if any closeness was unbearable at that moment. We entered the quiet lobby of the building, lit by soft lights and the glow of the light marble floor, and as we waited for the elevator, I heard Dominic's phone ring inside his tuxedo pocket. The sound echoed briefly in the quiet space, but he didn't move. He made no move to pick up the phone, which continued to ring for a few seconds before stopping, and silence returned between us.

The elevator doors opened with a soft metallic sound, and we stepped inside. Inside the small metal box, the air seemed heavier. I kept my eyes fixed on the closed doors in front of us as the elevator began to rise slowly, the illuminated numbers above the door changing one by one. First two, then three... I focused on them as if they were the most important thing in the world. Anything to avoid looking at Dominic, anything to avoid thinking.

But then I felt it, his gaze. Warm and intense, so intense that it seemed to pierce my skin. Even without turning my face, even without confirming that he was really looking at me, I could feel it in my bones. It was like an electric current running through my whole body.

The number four appeared, and the elevator continued to rise. When the green light finally marked the fifth floor, almost reaching my floor, I gathered enough courage to turn my face, and our eyes met automatically. He really was looking at me, and at that moment I wanted to cry again. Because there were so many emotions dancing in his eyes that it was almost impossible to separate them.

It was like looking at a storm, both light and darkness mixed together.

"I thought I would be able to make deals with the devil... just to look at you one more time." His voice came out thick and hard. "Just to tell you how much I loved you."

My chin began to tremble immediately.

"Do you hate me now?" The question escaped before I could stop it.

At that moment, the elevator emitted a soft sound announcing that it had reached the floor, and the doors began to open. I hadn't even noticed that we had stopped.

Dominic looked away from me first.

"All I feel now... is an immense need to see my son." His voice became harsh again. "To hold him." He took a step toward the elevator exit. "I can deal with everything else later."

He left without looking back. I let out a shaky sigh and followed him down the silent hallway. I held my purse under my arm as we walked to the door of my apartment, my hands shaking as I began to search for the key ring inside the purse, and when I finally found it and pulled it out, my fingers were so unsteady that the keys slipped and fell to the floor with a small metallic sound.

I hurried to bend down and pick them up, but then I heard Dominic's voice.

"No." The word came out short and authoritative.

I froze in mid-motion, stopping immediately as I held my round belly with one hand and watched Dominic bend down. He picked up the bunch of keys from the floor and stood up again, but when he came back to his feet, he was very close to me. Closer than he had been since that first moment in the gallery, and his eyes were fixed on my belly. He held the keys tightly between his fingers, my hand still resting on the round curve in front of my body.

"Damn it!" The word escaped Dominic's lips like a sharp blow in the silence of the hallway.

He closed his eyes immediately after saying it, as if trying to compose himself or prevent something inside him from falling apart completely. For a second, I really thought he was going to collapse right there, his chest rising and falling in heavy, irregular breaths. The hand that had been clenched into a fist at his side slowly rose, and his fingers began to open one by one, as if it required enormous effort. I watched every little movement, his hand hovered over my belly, it trembled—just like mine—then slowly, Dominic lowered his palm until it touched the round curve of my belly. The contact was gentle, almost reverent.

When I felt his hand there, a sigh escaped my lips without me being able to stop it, tears immediately welling up in the corners of my eyes.

God... I loved him so much. Feeling that touch, that small gesture of affection... it was all I needed at that moment, even if it wasn't for me, even if it was just for his baby.

Dominic kept his hand there for a few seconds that seemed to stretch on forever, his eyes fixed on my belly, as if trying to understand something that was still impossible to accept, and when he finally looked up at my face, I saw the glint of tears in his eyes.

They didn't fall, but they were there.

"Did you know..." His voice came out hoarse. "...did you know you were pregnant when..." He didn't finish the sentence.

I held his gaze for a moment, but the tears that were already stuck in my eyes finally overflowed. The pain in Dominic's eyes was too much for me, I couldn't keep looking.

I turned my face away, and in the next second I felt his hand pull away abruptly from my belly, his fingers closing into a fist at his side as he took a step back. The withdrawal was so abrupt that it seemed almost violent. Dominic then grabbed my arm, his grip firm but not aggressive. He brought my hand between us and opened my fingers to place the set of keys in my palm. I was watching that small action when I heard his voice again.

"For someone who seemed to hate all the cruelty of my world..." He paused briefly. "...you've done very well." My stomach churned. "By being exactly like everyone else who lives in it."

When he finished speaking, he immediately let go of my hand, then stepped back completely, leaving a clear space between us.

The gesture said it all; he wanted me to open the door. I didn't have the courage to say anything. My hands were still shaking when I turned and inserted the key into the apartment lock, and the door opened with a soft click. I went in first, then waited for Dominic to come in before closing the door behind us.

I walked down the small hallway leading to the living room, Dominic following close behind. When we reached the brightly lit living room, we found Carrie sitting on the couch watching some series on television, and as soon as she saw me, she quickly got up.

"Mrs. Martin! You're here already? I thought you'd be later..." She stopped mid-motion when she noticed Dominic standing behind me. Her eyes moved between us, looking cautious. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, Carrie." I had to force my voice out. "There was a change and I came home early." I took a deep breath before continuing. "You can go. Is JJ asleep?"

As soon as I uttered our son's false name, I felt Dominic's gaze on me again.

"Yes, he is." Carrie replied. "He ate, played, took a bath. He went through the whole ritual of calling for mommy and daddy..." She smiled slightly. "Daddy more than mommy again." My heart tightened. "...and then he passed out about two hours ago."

In the silence that followed, I heard a discreet clearing of the throat from Dominic behind me. He had heard. He had heard Jamie calling for him.

"Thank you, Carrie." My voice came out lower. "You can go." Then I quickly added. “Please order the car on the app inside the building and don’t leave until it arrives.”

“I know, boss.” She replied with a small smile, her eyes passing over Dominic again before returning to me. “Have a great night.” One of her eyebrows rose suggestively and a small smile played on her lips, then she picked up her purse from the sofa, waved a little goodbye to me, and left the room, walking down the hallway toward the door.

I remained standing in the same spot, not daring to look at Dominic. A few seconds later, I heard the sound of the apartment door opening and then closing. Now we were completely alone.

"JJ?" I heard Dominic ask behind me. His voice was low, laden with confusion that he made no attempt to hide.

I took a deep breath before answering.

“We needed new names. I didn’t want it to be too different from his name.” My voice came out calm, even though inside my heart was still completely out of rhythm.

“Of course you did.” His response came with a bitterness that seemed to cut through the air between us.

I let out a silent sigh before finally turning to face him.

"Jamie's room is down the hall. The door on the left." I said, pointing slightly toward the hallway.

Dominic stared at me for a moment, and in that instant it seemed like an entire war was going on inside him. His eyes were fixed on me, and there was something there that was almost impossible to decipher. It was as if he were torn between two completely opposite desires. Part of him seemed to want to embrace me, the other seemed to want me to disappear from his sight immediately. As if my presence were at once the thing he most desired... and the thing he least could bear. In the end, Dominic did neither; he just nodded slightly, then turned away from me and began walking down the hall with long strides, heading toward our son's room.

I watched him disappear down the hall, and when I was finally alone in the living room, my body seemed to lose all strength at once. I took a step back, staggering slightly, my hand found the arm of the sofa, and I held on to it for a moment, trying to regain my balance as my legs trembled, but they gave way anyway, and I let myself fall onto the sofa, then I cried.

I cried like I hadn't cried in a long time.

I closed my eyes and let the tears flow freely down my face as low sobs escaped my throat. All the pain of that night finally hit me at once. My baby moved inside me, the gentle movement made me breathe deeply, so I brought my hand to my belly and let it rest there, caressing the round curve tenderly. I tilted my head slightly toward her.

"Your daddy is here, little one." My voice came out in a soft murmur. "I think he already loves you." I swallowed hard, feeling another tear roll down the corner of my eye. "Even if he hates mommy... I'm pretty sure he already loves you." At that moment, I felt a little kick against my palm. A faint smile appeared on my lips. "Yes, baby. Despite everything... mommy is also happy to have him here."

I didn't know how long I sat there. I just waited, waited for Dominic to have his moment with Jamie. I didn't have the courage to go to the room, I didn't want to ruin that moment between them. They deserved it.

Just them.

Time passed slowly enough for me to cry out everything that was still inside me, and little by little the tears dried up and my breathing began to calm down. When I finally heard footsteps echoing down the hall, I slowly got up from the sofa and turned toward the hallway. Dominic appeared in the shadows, coming out of the darkest part of the apartment and into the soft light of the living room. The first thing I noticed were his eyes.

Red.

He had cried, cried a lot.

Dominic stared at me for a moment, but then looked away and started walking toward the front door. He was leaving, just like that, without saying anything, without giving me a chance to speak, without us talking, without me being able to apologize.

"Are you leaving?" The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

Dominic froze in mid-step as he was about to reach the small hallway that led to the door.

"We need to talk..." My voice trembled. "I need to tell you..."

"I don't want to hear it." His response was immediate.

"Dominic, please..." He turned when he heard my request, but the expression on his face didn't look like someone willing to listen to me.

"Please?" he repeated, with painful coldness. "I don't owe you any favors, Maggie." The words hit my chest like a knife. "I feel like if I hear anything from you right now... I'll end up suffocating in my own pain." His eyes locked onto mine. "Because that's all I feel when I look at you."

He stared at me for another moment, his face dark and closed, then turned back toward the door. I barely noticed when I started moving; suddenly my legs were carrying me toward him faster than I had been able to move in the last few months. I walked almost running, and before Dominic reached the door, I hugged him from behind. My arms wrapped around his waist, my cheek resting on his broad back as I held him tight. His body went completely rigid at the unexpected gesture.

"Don't go." My voice came out low and broken. "I know I have no right to ask you anything... but don't go." I tightened my embrace. "Don't leave me here thinking that you only feel hatred and pain for me." I swallowed hard. "Even if that's the truth." I closed my eyes. "I love you, Dominic. I know you don't believe me now... but I do."

I stayed like that for a few more seconds, then I felt his hands touch mine, and with a little force, he released my arms from his body.

I let out a small sniffle and took a step back, defeated. My head dropped as I looked down at my own feet, then I saw Dominic's feet move and turn in my direction. My heart leapt in my chest, and I immediately lifted my head slowly.

Our eyes met again, and we stared at each other for a moment that seemed suspended in time, then Dominic took a step toward me, and before I could react, it all happened in one swift motion.

His hands rose and cupped my face. He pulled me close, and in the next second our mouths collided in a hard, fiery kiss full of longing.