Chapter 158: Grace
I didn’t sleep well after the last few days. My mind couldn’t stop racing. Rhys had scared me when I realized he had been drinking. We had lost Leon and Caleb. Sammy was a wreak. The sweet girl followed me everywhere. Once we had finished our research and debrief, Jack, had told me that Sammy wouldn’t stop crying and was afraid I left her too. So, for the rest of the day, I let her be attached to my hip. When I went to help in the kitchen, she was on my back, when I went to the bathroom, she sat outside the door. And now, she was curled up in bed with me and Rhys, taking up half the bed. But all in all, everything felt just a little out of hand.
“Good morning, love.” Rhys’ sleepy voice called out from the other side of the bed as he pulled me close to him and kissed my neck. “You’re up early.”
“Couldn’t sleep.” I told him, as I moved slightly to give him better access. “Plus, I promised that I would help get the kids to school this morning.”
His fingers grazed my side, and I inhaled sharply. Oh Goddess, I wanted him.
“We can’t.” I forced the words out of my mouth before I was in too deep to think straight.
“And why is that?” He asked, not stopping, and I squirmed with desire.
“Because Sammy is in our bed.” I told him.
He immediately took his hands off me and rolled back to his side of the bed with a groan.
“I forgot,” He mumbled.
“It’s okay.” I told him, rolling over to face him. “I’m sorry I broke the rules and brought a child in.”
Rhys reached out and touched my face as he stared at me with what looked like admiration. “I think these circumstances allow that rule to broken. She’s attached to you at the hip.”
“She’s scared everyone she loves will just disappear.” I told him. “I know the feeling of when the ground you’re standing on starts to shake. She just needs a little extra reassurance right now, and I don’t mind the extra hugs.”
“I can give you more hugs,” Rhys said eagerly.
I rolled my eyes at his dramatics. He literally sounded like a child. But I also loved this version of Rhys. Everyone else saw the harsh man who took no shit. Kill first, ask questions later. But I got this Rhys. This Rhys that probably hadn’t been free to be exposed since he was a child. And I was happy to be the reason it got to come out to. I got to see the kind, gentle, wanting Rhys. The hurting Rhys. The Rhys that was childlike at times. The Rhys who had such a big heart, I forgot who he could be at times. But this Rhys was mine, and mine alone.
“You’re so good with her.” He said after a long moment. “Do you want kids?”
I gave him a small smile. “I think that’s part of my job as your mate and wife, seeing as those titles make me the Luna Queen.” I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair.
“No.” There was no more playfulness in his tone. He was back to the Rhys the world seemed to know.
“What?”
“No. If you don’t want kids, then I don’t need an heir. I can put that pressure on Sawyer’s kids, or maybe even Sammy. You have given up enough of your life to do what other people needed to survive. I will never make you do anything that you don’t actually want. Especially something so big, lifechanging, and lifelong.”
“But what do you want?” I asked him uncertainly. I didn’t know what I wanted his answer to be honestly.
“It doesn’t matter what I want.” He answered with a little bit of a sad smile.
“It does to me,” I said quietly.
He gave me a real smile and kissed my hand. “The idea of seeing you pregnant with my pups would be something I don’t think I would ever tire of. I’ve seen you with the kids here. The kids love you. You’re even great with the teenagers. I love watching you with them. I would love to see you with a baby. Carrying him or her everywhere with us. To meetings. To play. To after school activities. I would love to experience everything from the beginning with you. But I only want it with you if you want it to.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay?” He frowned in confusion.
“I might not have an answer right now. But that life sounds nice with you.” I told him. “I have been through so much. And I trust you to be a good father, but I don’t know if I’ll be a good mother, and until I do, I don’t want to have kids.”
“I respect that.” He answered, kissing my forehead. “But I know that you will be great.”
“Would you still want a child in this chaos?” I asked, remembering that there was a war happening just outside our doors.
Rhys looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, “I mean, do I think there are better times? Maybe. But as the Alpha King, I have learned there is always something going on. As long as my child is loved and knows their loved then I don’t think anything else really matters.”
I thought about what he said. He did have a few years on me. He had experienced more life than me. Maybe even multiple lives compared to me. I wanted to experience life too. But maybe... Maybe I would like experience it with a child too.
“I think we should let the two oldest kids stay with us,” I said after a long moment lost in my own thoughts. “And Sammy. We can’t replace their parents, but like it’s hard for older kids to find homes usually, and we could give them that.”
Rhys looked at me and then sat up a little to look over at Sammy. I turned too. The little girl had cried herself to sleep last night, much like the night before. Her hair was the same color as her dad’s, sprawled out in a tangled mess. Her small arm was thrown up over her head, and her cheeks were flushed with sleep.
“I think I’d like that.” He answered, pulling me back to him, so he could kiss my lips.
I smiled. I wished that we could have more, but right now, I was happy to just have this moment with him. My heart was full, knowing we would have a full day in front of, and we would handle it, just like we always did.