Chapter 45 Intuition - Lily
My eyes flutter open, the warmth behind my back solid and the arms around my middle feeling heavy. When did he get in?
I really need to start sleeping lighter, because if I knew he was getting into bed last night, I would have at least pinched him or something.
I actually finished his painting, though, and it didn't come out the way I thought it would.
What I initially thought would be a replica of the sketch, turned into something else. The colors are not his skin tone, instead I used multiple colors to paint his face, the only thing that looks real was the cigarette. The side of his face is also blurred, and I stood back for almost an hour and just looked at it.
What did it mean?
Is that how I see him? A man full of colors and depth? And why the blurring of his face? Is it because I still don't really know him at all?
I don't even know what his favorite food is. I assume it's pasta or the deep dish pizza, but that would just be guessing on stereotype.
Does he have a favorite color? I love white. One of my friends at school once said that nobody could like white, it doesn't qualify as a color. But how can it not when you can change white into anythng you want it to be? White is blank, and you can decide what color to splash it with. So white is my favorite color.
Did he ever want to be anything else than the son of the don? Does he sometimes wish he had siblings, like I do?
Does the weight of being the heir to a criminal empire not scare him?
I think back to the safe he took me to at the bank. Normal people don't have to do that. Sure, things happen all the time and unexpectedly, but normal people don't have to show their loved ones money in the safe in case shit goes south.
Does he resent his father? Like I do mine?
So many things I want to know, but can never ask because he's never at home.
As if he knows I'm awake, he stirs, and his hand tightens on my stomach.
"Morning." His breath is hot in my neck. "Why are you awake so early?"
"How did you know I was awake?"
"I just know." His hand travels from my abdomen to my left breast, squeezing the mound just a little too hard. "Can you see why I don't sleep here? You're seducing me."
I roll my eyes even though he can't see me. "I didn't even do anything."
"You don't have to do anything to seduce me, you just do." He kisses my shoulder gently.
"Do you like having me around?" I ask, genuinely curious to know.
"Why are you asking that?" He stills behind me.
"I don't know." I sigh and close my eyes, hoping hat that sleep finds me again. When I sleep, I'm not thinking anything that might hurt my brain.
"'I love having you around." He says after a beat."You're the most refreshing thing in my life. I'm sorry I can't be around more."
That's the problem here. I know he wants me, he proves it to me every time we're in bed together, but it makes me feel insecure when I don't see him as nearly enough as I want to.
He gave me everything I wanted, didn't he? So why does it still feel like it's not enough?
"Do you wanna do something on Saturday?" He whispers against my skin, throwing me a bone. "But I can't guarentee that nobody is going to call me for some fucking reason or another. With Elio out, I have a little more on my plate than usual."
"And you're also trying to figure out what happened to Amber."
"I dont want you worrying about that. "
Of course he doesn't want me worrying about the death of his ex lover. I can't help but wonder if he had feelings for her, even though he says he didn't. I don't have any experience, but I don't think you can fuck someone for as long as he did without feeling something.
And I can't believe I'm jealous of a dead woman. I keep having to tell myself it's over.
"What are we going to do on Saturday?" I'm curious to know.
"Go for a drive." His hand creeps to my other breast. "Maybe sleep over at the lake house. Would you like that?"
I love the lake house. I will forever think of it as our honeymoon spot, a romantic place where the mafia doesn't exist.
"Yes." I sigh deeply when my nipples pebble underneath his fingers.
His lips kisses over my shoulder. "Maybe I can pose naked for you."
I scoff. "Nobody wants to see a naked sketch of you."
He bites my skin lightly, making me squirm. "I know you do."
He's right. I really, really do.