Chapter 49 Secrets And Fears
Valen stood on the balcony of his study, staring into the endless night. The crisp air did little to cool the storm brewing within him. The confrontation with Morgana played on a loop in his mind, but it was Ella’s silence after walking away that truly unsettled him.
“She walked away…” he murmured to himself, gripping the edge of the railing. Ella, the only person who had ever made him feel alive again, was slipping through his fingers because of the very secrets he fought to bury.
The door creaked open, and Valen didn’t need to turn to know who it was.
“You look like hell,” Lucian said, his voice laced with sarcasm but tinged with concern.
“Not in the mood for jokes,” Valen replied, his tone colder than the night air.
Lucian ignored the warning, stepping closer. “You know, when I heard Morgana was back, I thought you’d finally snap and put her in her place. Instead, you let her run her mouth in front of Ella. Brilliant move, really.”
Valen’s jaw tightened. “I wasn’t going to argue with her in front of Ella. Morgana feeds on drama. I didn’t want to make it worst by arguing.”
“True, but you’re also pushing Ella away by keeping her in the dark.” Lucian straightened, his expression serious. “She deserves to know about Lydia. About why you hate healers.”
Valen’s jaw tightened. “It’s not the right time.”
“It’s never the right time with you,” Lucian countered. “But if you don’t tell her, someone else will—and they won’t be as kind.”
Valen sighed, his cold exterior momentarily cracking. “I don’t want her to look at me with pity… or hate.”
“Do you even realize how much you’ve hurt her?” Lucian countered, crossing his arms.
Valen turned, his crimson eyes glowing faintly in the dim light. “You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t see the pain in her eyes every time I hold back?”
Lucian held his gaze, unflinching. “Then why do you keep holding back? Why not tell her the truth?”
“It’s not that simple,” Valen said, his voice low but sharp.
“She’s angry,” Valen muttered, running a hand through his hair.
“You think?” came a sarcastic voice. Lucian raised an eyebrow. “No? Then explain it to me. Because from where I’m standing, you’re pushing away the one person who could actually bring you peace.”
Valen looked away, the weight of his guilt pressing down on him.
Lucian stepped closer, his voice softening. “This is about Lydia, isn’t it?”
The name hit Valen like a dagger. He didn’t respond, but his silence was answer enough.
“She’s not Lydia, Valen,” Lucian said gently.
“I know that,” Valen snapped, his voice cracking slightly. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. “But every time I look at Ella, I remember what happened. I remember it's her kind that destroyed the only good thing I ever had”
Lucian sighed. “Ella isn’t responsible for what happened to Lydia.
“It doesn’t matter,” Valen said, his tone laced with bitterness. “The elders will never accept her. Morgana will stop at nothing to drive her away. And if Ella knew the truth—if she knew how much I hate healers—she’d leave. She’d look at me like I’m a monster.”
Lucian stared at him for a long moment. “Maybe she would. Or maybe she’d stay because she loves you, you idiot.”
Valen froze, the words hanging in the air.
“You think?”
Lucian chuckled dryly. “You’re so wrapped up in your fear and guilt that you can’t see what’s right in front of you. She deserves to know the truth, whether you like it or not.”
Valen leaned against the railing, his hands trembling slightly. “What if I tell her, and it changes everything? What if she can’t forgive me?”
Lucian shook his head. “The real question is: what if you don’t tell her? How much longer do you think she’ll stay in the dark, Valen? Secrets don’t protect people; they destroy them. And they’ll destroy whatever chance you have with Ella if you’re not careful.”
Valen closed his eyes, the weight of Lucian’s words sinking in. He wanted to believe that Ella could accept him, that she could understand the darkness he carried. But the fear of losing her was paralyzing.
“She already knows something’s up,” Lucian continued. “She’s not stupid, Valen. The more you avoid this, the more she’ll feel like you don’t trust her. And trust me, once that trust is gone, it’s almost impossible to get it back.”
Valen’s grip tightened on the railing, his knuckles turning white. “I don’t know if I can do it, Lucian. I’ve spent so long burying the past, pretending it doesn’t exist. How do I even begin to tell her?”
Lucian shrugged. “Start with the truth. The rest will follow.”
The room fell silent, the only sound the distant howl of the wind. Valen stared out at the night, his mind racing.
“I loved Lydia,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “She was my mate, my everything. And the healers…They failed her. And I failed her.”
“You didn’t fail her, Valen. You need to forgive yourself first. You did everything you could. But blaming all healers for what happened won’t bring her back. And it won’t make things right with Ella.”
Valen turned to face his friend, his expression conflicted. “Ella’s different. I know that. But every time I try to let her in, I feel like I’m betraying Lydia.”
“You’re not betraying anyone,” Lucian said firmly. “Lydia wouldn’t want you to live like this—angry, bitter, and alone. She’d want you to move on, to find happiness again. And you have that chance with Ella. Don’t waste it.”
Valen took a deep breath, the tension in his chest easing slightly. Lucian’s words made sense, but the thought of opening up to Ella still terrified him.
“I’ll think about it,” Valen said finally, his voice steady but uncertain.
Lucian smirked. “That’s the closest thing to progress I’ve seen from you in years. Don’t take too long, though. Ella may be patient, but even that patience has limits.”
Valen nodded, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Thanks, Lucian.”
“Anytime,” Lucian replied, clapping him on the back. “Just don’t make me come back here to knock some sense into you again.”
In the shadows, Morgana watched with a sly smile. “Secrets always have a way of destroying things, Valen,” she whispered. “And I’ll make sure Ella knows every single one of yours.”