Chapter 56 The Loss

Chapter 56 The Loss
The guilt eats away at me the entire drive back to Charleston.
Thad sits beside me in the SUV with his hand resting on my knee. He has no idea what happened with Viktor. No idea that I broke the nose of an Obsidian Court envoy and probably destroyed any chance of a real alliance. Every time he looks at me, I want to confess everything.
But I keep my mouth shut and stare out the window, hating myself a little more with each mile.
“You’ve been quiet,” Thad observes as Dominique takes the exit toward the mansion. “Is everything all right?”
I shrug and reply, “Dr. Voss gave us a lot to think about.”
He squeezes my knee. “We’ll figure it out together. We always do.”
The lie sits heavy on my tongue. I should tell him right now, before we get home, before this secret festers any longer. But every time I open my mouth to speak, the words die in my throat.
Elias leans forward from the back seat. “Something’s wrong.”
I follow his line of sight through the windshield. We’re approaching the mansion gates, and even from here, I can see that they’re hanging open. One of them is bent at an odd angle, like something massive crashed through it.
“Dominique…” Thad warns.
“I see it.”
She accelerates up the driveway, and my stomach clenches tighter with every second. The mansion comes into view, and the sight of it makes my blood run cold.
The building is standing, but barely. Scorch marks streak across the stone facade like wounds. Windows are shattered on every floor, gaping holes where glass used to be. The front doors have been ripped from their hinges and lie in splinters across the steps.
Thad is out of the SUV before it fully stops. I scramble after him with Elias and Dominique close behind, my heart pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears.
Inside is worse.
Bodies litter the foyer. Some wear the crimson robes of the Primigenii, but most don’t. I recognize faces among the fallen. It’s mostly human soldiers who nodded at me in the hallways and kept their distance, but among them are a few vampires I’ve come to know, along with a young vampire named Sarah who brought me blood my first week here and told me everything would be okay.
She’s not okay now. None of them are.
“Spread out,” Thad orders. “Find survivors.”
Dominique takes the east wing while Elias heads upstairs. I stay with Thad as he moves through the carnage, kneeling beside body after body, checking for any sign of life.
“They came while we were gone,” he states under his breath. “They knew we wouldn’t be here.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“I’m their leader. Their safety is my responsibility.” He stops beside a fallen soldier and closes the man’s eyes with extended fingers. “I should have been here.”
A voice echoes from somewhere deeper in the mansion, weak but unmistakable.
Rosalie.
I take off running before I can think. I follow the sound through the ruined hallways, stepping over debris and shattered furniture until I find her slumped against a wall in what used to be the library. Blood soaks through her shirt, and her face is pale as bone.
“Rosalie!” I drop to my knees beside her. “How bad is it?”
She winces as she tries to sit up straighter. “I’ll live. Silver blade caught me in the side. Petra already patched me up, but she told me not to move while she was tending to the others.”
“You’re still supposed to be recovering from the last time you almost died.”
“What can I say? I’m an overachiever.” She attempts a smile, but it doesn’t quite take. “Where’s Thad?”
“In the foyer. We just got back.”
Rosalie grabs my arm with surprising strength. “He needs to know about Gabriel.”
“What about him?” I ask, but I suspect I don’t want to know.
The look on her face tells me everything before she speaks.
“He’s dead, Thelma. He died protecting the young ones when the Primigenii breached the east wing. He fought off six of them by himself. Held the line long enough for the others to escape through the tunnels.”
Gabriel. The quiet vampire who ran Thad’s financial operations. The one who uncovered Jonathan’s betrayal. 
“Where is he now?”
“They moved his body to the chapel. Thad needs to see him before…” She trails off and swallows hard. “He just needs to see him.”
I find Thad still in the foyer, still kneeling beside the dead. When I tell him about Gabriel, something fractures behind his eyes. A crack in the foundation of a man who has survived five hundred years of loss.
“Show me,” he prompts.
The chapel is a small room at the back of the mansion that I’ve never visited before. Dozens of candles line the walls, and in the center of the room, on a wooden table draped with black cloth, lies Gabriel’s body.
Someone has cleaned him up, dressed him in a fresh suit, and folded his hands across his chest like he’s merely sleeping. But nothing can hide the deep gashes all over his body or the silver burns that mar his skin.
Thad approaches the table slowly. Each step seems to cost him something. I hang back by the door, giving him space to grieve.
“Three hundred years you stood beside me. Through wars and betrayals and everything in between. You never asked for anything and never complained. And now you’re gone, and I never told you what you meant to me.”
I’ve never seen Thad like this. A trembling runs through his shoulders that he doesn’t try to hide. Wetness gathers at the corners of his eyes and spills down his cheeks.
This is what five hundred years of loss looks like. Friend after friend. Ally after ally. Watching everyone you care about die while you keep on living.
How many funerals has he attended? How many bodies has he buried? How many times has he stood in a room like this one, saying goodbye to someone who should have lived forever?
I walk up beside him and slip my hand into his
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”