Chapter 25 No luck
Aloria
I push through the underbrush, branches clawing at my arms, the sharp sting barely registering as my mind is consumed by thoughts of River. Each breath feels heavier, laden with the weight of uncertainty and dread. The woods have transformed into a labyrinth of shadows, the trees pressing in around me like a prison, and all I can think about is how I might never see him again.
“Aloria, wait!” Kellan's voice cuts through the darkening haze, a tether to reality I can’t afford to grasp right now. I ignore him, my feet moving on instinct, propelled by a desperate need to find River. I can’t think about anything else. I can’t allow myself to.
“River!” I call again, my voice cracking, echoing through the dense foliage. The silence that follows is deafening, a stark reminder of the void that has settled in my chest. Each passing moment feels like an eternity, and I can feel despair creeping in, gnawing at the edges of my resolve.
I can’t lose him. I refuse to lose him.
As I stumble through the thicket, I can feel Kellan's presence behind me, his footsteps hesitant. I want to scream at him to follow, to push through the fear and keep searching, but the words die in my throat. The forest seems to mock me, its shadows whispering that I’m too late. That I’ve lost him and this frantic search is futile.
“Aloria, please!” Kellan’s voice is urgent now, filled with an edge I can’t ignore. “We need to regroup. We need food and rest.”
“No!” I shout, the desperation spilling over. “I won’t leave him! I won’t abandon him!”
The darkness looms closer, the sun dipping below the horizon, casting long shadows that twist and stretch like fingers reaching for me. My heart races, and I push forward, driven by an instinct I can’t explain. I can see River’s face in my mind, his laughter, his warmth, the way he made me feel whole. I can’t let that go. Not now. Not ever.
But the woods are relentless, and as the minutes stretch into what feels like hours, I can feel the panic rising inside me, threatening to consume every ounce of hope. “River!” I scream again, my throat raw, but the only response is the rustle of leaves and the distant call of a nightbird, mocking my anguish.
“Aloria!” Kellan’s voice is closer now, a tangible reminder of my reality. “We have to go back. Everyone is tired and hungry, they are losing focus.”
I spin around, the anger bubbling to the surface. “How can you say that? We can’t just give up!”
Kellan steps forward, his expression softening, but there’s a firmness in his stance that tells me he won’t back down. “I’m not giving up on him. But we can’t help him if we’re lost and alone in this forest. If we lose focus due to lack of food and sleep. We need to regroup, plan our next move.”
His words slice through the haze of my emotions, and for a brief moment, I feel the weight of logic pressing against my heart. But it’s too much. The thought of leaving without finding River is unbearable. “What if he’s hurt?” I whisper, the raw pain in my voice a reflection of the turmoil inside me.
Kellan’s gaze softens, and he steps closer, his presence a grounding force amidst the chaos. “If he’s hurt, we’ll find him. We’ll keep searching until we know what happened. But we can’t do that if we lose ourselves. Please, Aloria, let’s go back. We’ll bring more people tomorrow, and we’ll find him together.”
I feel the tears welling up, blurring my vision as I look into his eyes, searching for the strength I need. The reality of the situation crashes down on me, and I can’t escape the truth: I’m scared. Scared of losing him, scared of what I might find if we do.
With a shaky breath, I nod, the fight draining from my body. “Okay,” I whisper, my voice barely audible. “But we won’t stop searching. We can’t.”
“Of course,” Kellan reassures me, his voice steady, filled with a determination I desperately want to believe. “We’ll find him, Aloria. I promise.”
As we turn to retrace our steps, I feel the shadows close in around us, the darkness more suffocating than before. Each step back through the underbrush feels like a betrayal, like I’m abandoning River to whatever horrors may have befallen him.
I can feel the tears finally spill over, hot and relentless down my cheeks. I wipe them away angrily, hating myself for feeling so weak. “I should have been there for him,” I murmur, guilt gnawing at my insides. “I should have…”
“Aloria,” Kellan interrupts gently, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You can’t blame yourself for this. We didn’t know. We’re going to find him, and we’ll bring him back.”
A part of me no longer believe him, a part of me is starting to think that River is lost to me.