chapter 44 (Cora)

Ara had a twinkle in his eye like he was a mischievous little boy getting into something he wasn’t supposed to be. As he led me up to our chambers from the medical wing, I had been so caught up in my own thoughts about what Myles had told me, and how I had lied to everyone about who taught me I didn’t realize he had led me into the little office of our chambers.

Nothing seemed out of place, everything looked the same on the shelves but when I looked down at the desk I could see my mother’s books piled up on them. The stack was almost in the same position I had, had them on my desk in the annex and I couldn’t help but feel the homesickness wash over me at the sight of them.

Going over to them to run my fingers over their spines to make sure they were really here, I turned to Ara. I wanted to ask how they could be here, how it was possible. I had them burn everything unimportant from our carriage to make room for the soldiers and supplies the night of the ambush. They should have turned to ash that night.

“Rupert stressed how important these were to you, so I made sure we treated them as if they were precious gems.” he said in a soft whisper as he saw the tears in my eyes.

“Thank you, really. You have no idea what these mean to me.” I looked back at them, tracing my finger down their spines once again remembering my mothers voice as she read each one to me.

Picking up the books off the desk, Ara had me sit with him on the couch in the lounge area so I could show him my most precious treasure. We had just finished looking quickly through one of my favorite books when Lydy had come up to tell us it was lunch time. Like breakfast the chef had made us two very different meals, my plate catered to me the way Maxi always had done for me back at the annex.

It was all these small things I knew Ara had done to make me feel more comfortable that made me feel uncomfortable. That heavy feeling of guilt for lying to him about who I really was sunk into my stomach making me almost sick. The burning ache to tell him the truth had started to bubble up inside me the minute I saw those books.

Forcing that feeling down into the pit of my stomach, I tried to remember I could never tell him the truth about who I was as Cora; but Ara had made sure I never had to live as Elanora anymore either. I was Nareh and with that name I would become someone free of that guilt. I would become someone who Ara could believe in.

During lunch we talked more about the things I knew from those books, Ara sat patiently and just listened to me. He only asked questions at certain points to keep the flow of conversation going. I had never talked so much to anyone in my life, but it didn’t feel like it was a chore. I loved talking to him. The time passed too fast and soon we needed to check on the preparations for our journey.

After lunch we toured the rest of the encampment, to talk to some of the people who would be pivotal in us departing in two days time. Once our tour had come to an end, Ara had left me with Lydy so he could go meet with Roland to make sure they were set to leave and nothing had changed.

While he did that I went to go look for Tate, I hadn’t seen him since we rode into the encampment and I wanted to check in on him and ask him for a favor. I found him outside in the arena practicing his swordsmanship with Helana. I was delighted to see them together, my own personal knights.

Both of them stopped mid spare as they saw me coming, with Lydy in tow. I had no qualms about stepping into the training grounds, something I had done countless times, but I could see how nervous Lydy was as she jumped at the metal clanging together from the other knights practicing.

“Tate, Helana.” I beckoned them as they started to trot up to us. “ How is practice going?” I inquired.

“Good afternoon Elanora.”Tate huffed out as he tried to catch his breath. Helana came up behind him and hit him upside the head.

“Have some respect when others are around. Good afternoon your Majesty, Nareh." She greeted me formally. I could see Tate silently questioning the new name and a mouthed ‘later’ to him so I could tell him of the things that happened since being here.

He nodded, but I could tell by the tight line of his lips he also needed to talk to me later. Helana and Tate excused themselves to put their practice swords back before taking a stroll with me so we could catch up on the events that had happened since I last saw them.

I had wanted to ask Tate privately if he would continue our sword training but it might be better to ask with Helana here too, so I could have both train me. I wanted to protect not only myself but those around me. I had felt weak and useless as those men came after us during the ambush and I never wanted to feel that way again.

“Helana, Tate I have my first order for both of you as your Queen.” I emphasized Queen so they knew I was adamant about this. “I want both of you to teach me swordsmanship, so that I may help protect myself, when you two cannot do it.” I looked at them letting what I said sink in.

I knew what I was asking was insulting their prowess as knights and sworn protectors over me, but I needed to do this. If I was going to burn my own path from here on out I needed to be stronger. I wanted to be as strong as Ara, so that I could stand by his side as his equal and not behind him as something he thought he needed to protect.