Chapter 96

Chapter 96
Kaelen's POV

A few weeks ago, I thought getting a job would be enough to prove I could take care of myself.
Apparently, I was wrong.

It's Friday evening again. I have spent the entire week bouncing between classes and shifts at my second job besides modeling. Recently, I picked up a few evening shifts at a small restaurant just off campus. The position opened while Jordan and I were grabbing dinner and someone quit. The manager was willing to work around my classes.

I have it too easy with modeling. The restaurant is like stepping into a whole other world.

I never bused tables in my life before this. Now I can balance a tray against my hip, carry stacks of plates in one hand without dropping them, and clear a table in less than two minutes. I learned because I had to after I took the job without thinking too much about what it actually involved.

It isn't the physical work that gets to me though. It's the people. Some students recognize me. Some pretend they don't which might be as lucky as I can get.

Tonight, I am carrying plates of food toward one of my last tables for the night. I'm just ready to get out of here and get some rest. But even that is currently too much to ask of the universe.

"Seriously?"

I look up and recognize a guy from one of my classes sitting at the table with two friends. He looks at my uniform, then at me.

"Is anything wrong?" I ask.

"An Ashford working here." He leans back in his chair. "It must be nice, taking jobs from people who actually need them."

"Don't bother," one of his friends says. "He probably doesn't know what it is like to struggle."

I straighten slowly, for a second, considering telling them exactly how wrong they both are— that I don't have my father's money anymore. That I am working because I need to eat just like everyone else, but I'm too tired.

"Enjoy your dinner," I say and turn back around, heading back to the kitchen.

By the time my shift ends, my feet are aching and my shoulders feel like they have been carrying sacks of potatoes all day. I clock out, change into my clothes and head back to campus.

Jordan isn't back yet from music practice. There is a load of dirty laundry sitting by the corner. I'm tired. All I want is to take a shower and get into bed but no. Not yet. I grab the clothes, pack them into a bag and make my way toward the laundry room.

I load the washing machine, add detergent, close the lid, and drop onto the bench nearby. A minute is all I need to get myself to reset. That's what I tell myself, so, I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes.

The next thing I know, someone is shaking my arm. "Kae." I blink slowly. Jordan is crouched in front of me, his eyebrows drawn together. "Hey."

I stare at him for a moment, trying to remember where I am. "Are the clothes done washing already?"

He glances toward the machine then back at me.
"Kaelen."

"What?"

"You didn't turn it on."

I look at the machine, confused. The clothes are still sitting exactly where I left them. I sigh heavily and drag a hand down my face. "Goddamn it. I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid." Jordan stands and reaches for the machine. "You are just exhausted."

He presses the button and the machine finally starts filling with water. I watch it for a few seconds without saying anything until he comes back and stands in front of me, squeezing both my arms gently.

"Why are you pushing yourself this hard? You didn't have to take another job, you know." His voice stays gentle, but filled with concern. "Modeling was covering your upkeep well enough especially after you got that brand deal."

"I just wanted to do more. I can handle it."

Jordan studies me for a moment. "You are pushing yourself toward burnout, Kae. Look at you. You fell asleep in the laundry room."

"I was just tired and only closed my eyes for a minute."

"You forgot to turn on the machine. That's not being just tired, Kae."

I look away, pressing my lips hard. If I'm being honest, I don't know if I can make it through another full shift tomorrow but don't tell him that. I push myself off the bench instead, needing to get away from the conversation before he sees how close I am to admitting defeat.

"Kaelen."

I stop and turn around. "Don't worry about me, J. If you can do it every single day for as long as you have, why can't I?"

"Because you are new to this," he says simply.

I stare at him for a moment. I know he isn't trying to put me down, but I can't help hearing the implication anyway. I've spent weeks trying to prove to myself that I can handle this life, and now he is telling me I'm not used to it yet. What more should I be doing so I stop looking like the same person I have been trying to get away from?

"Are you saying I'm incapable of handling it?" I don't mean to snap but that's how my voice comes out. Jordan goes quiet. I catch myself almost immediately, close my eyes and sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you."

"It's okay."

I slowly sit back down. He joins me a few seconds later, leaving enough space between us for a moment before his shoulder eventually touches mine.

"I do know you can handle it, Kaelen," he says. "I just think with finals coming up, everything has gotten a little harder."

I nod because that's true. His next words however surprise me.

"But it's not just that." His eyes are already on me when I turn. "I think there's something else driving you— something you are trying to bury under staying busy. It's almost like you are trying to prove something to yourself and to everyone around you."

That penetrates through my core, making me feel like he has flipped through the pages of my emotional existence and is now staring at my present predicament. I stare at the floor for several seconds, fighting the urge to shut down again but I'm too tired to keep fighting myself.

"It's been hard since I stopped being Kaelen Ashford and became just Kaelen."

His fingers find mine on the bench. "Are you regretting it?"

"No." The answer comes immediately. "No, nothing like that." I appreciate the comfort of his touch. It somehow keeps me grounded to my thoughts. "I thought somehow being just Kaelen would mean freedom. And it does. It really does." I glance at him quickly. "I have freedom and I love having it because I get to love you loudly."

"But?"

I stare at our joined hands. "But I don't have it fully."
"What do you mean?"

"People still expect me to act a certain way. Even people who don't know me but think they know my life. They see the me and decide who I am before I even open my mouth and it's getting under my skin." I rub my thumb across his knuckles. "My father's name follows me everywhere. I can't seem to get away from it, no matter how much I try. I feel like I never really got away, you know?"

"I know."

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to prove I'm not my father."

"Kaelen, you just took your first steps into figuring out who you are without him," he says. "Don't push yourself so hard because you think you should have everything figured out already."

"It's been weeks, J."

"Yeah. And something tells me it's going to take longer than a few weeks."

"Hey. You are supposed to be helping here."

A smile breaks across his face. "I know. I'm doing that by telling you the truth." I pout and lean back against the wall unable to argue with that. Jordan laughs softly before leaning closer. "I can also help by doing this."

His lips brush my neck and a quiet moan slips from my throat. I turn toward him, chasing his mouth, but he pulls away with a satisfied smile.

"First, we get the laundry done," he says. "Then we can go take a long, hot shower together."

The emphasis on hot makes me narrow my eyes. "And by hot, you don't mean the water, right?"

"No. Our bodies have got that covered." He winks. "And tomorrow we can sleep in until noon. Perfect, right?"

That gets a genuine smile out of me. "Why do you think I decided to do laundry today?"