Chapter 14 All Hail the Queen of Chaos
The last cookie had barely made it into Zoey’s hand when Zade rose from the couch with the lazy kind of movement only a man could pull off when he knew he’d still look hot half-asleep in a T-shirt. Another button popped open. Then another. Then—oh, come on.
“I think I’m gonna change,” he said, bending briefly to kiss the top of my head. “My back isn’t built to be a dragon for two hours straight.”
“No one made you use the gravelly voice and kung fu poses for the entire roleplay, Zade.”
He just chuckled, walking away while undoing the rest of the buttons. The view was—if I’m being honest—a little too cinematic for a random afternoon. Shoulder blades, waistline, skin that looked too good for a regular human. And the shirt dangling from his hand like a luxury cologne ad.
Yeah. I squinted. Not fair.
Once he disappeared up the stairs, I looked back at Zoey.
She was still sitting on the carpet. Still holding the remnants of her cookie. But now she was staring at me.
Direct. Steady. Intense.
And then came the smile. Slow. Wide. Too sweet.
Too… rehearsed.
Oh no.
I raised an eyebrow. “No.”
She pretended not to hear. Her eyes stayed locked on mine, all innocent-angel-cheeks and round eyes like the cute stickers she slaps on her lunch box.
I leaned back, arms crossed. “Zoey.”
Her smile grew.
“Don’t you dare.”
She chewed slowly. Very slowly. Then wiped her mouth with the corner of the blanket that had been her royal cape. And finally, with the full drama of a four-year-old who thinks she owns the world, she crawled toward me.
One step. Two steps. Cookie still in hand.
Then she sat right in front of me, eyes shining like a tiny detective about to drop a big investigation.
“Mommy.”
“Hm?”
“I think…” she wiggled her little body for maximum effect “…we need a pet.”
I shut my eyes. Five seconds. Ten. Then opened them again. “A pet. Right. Like… a cat?”
She shook her head.
“Dog?”
Another, firmer shake.
“Hedgehog?”
“What’s that?”
“…Forget it.”
Zoey leaned closer, her small hand on my knee. “I want… a chameleon.”
I went silent. Not because I was surprised. But because...of course. Of course she wanted a creature that could camouflage, stick to things, and climb walls.
“Sweetheart,” I started, as gently as possible, “we just survived the traumatic era of your worms.”
Zoey sat up straighter. “But Mommy, chameleons can change color. They’re like superheroes. They can hide. They can climb. They’re so cool!”
“They also eat live insects. You know that, right?”
She paused, tiny face scrunching in thought. “But… we can give him cookies too?”
“Sweetheart. That’s the fastest way to kill it.”
She sighed. “Well… that’s dumb.”
I laughed softly. “Yup. The world’s like that sometimes.”
Zoey sat cross-legged again, playing with cookie crumbs in her hands.
I lifted my mug, sipped the now-lukewarm tea, then turned a little so I could see her better.
“I thought you wanted to swim today. Changed your mind?”
She shrugged. “I still want to. But Daddy said… cold water could freeze me. Then I said I’m not scared, and he said he’s the one who’s scared.”
“Oh? Daddy’s scared you’ll freeze?”
She nodded fast. “Then he hugged me. Then he said ‘we can build a blanket fort instead.’”
I smiled. “And you agreed?”
“Yup. But I still want a chameleon.”
Just as I opened my mouth to deliver another diplomatic no, footsteps sounded on the stairs. Zade reappeared, now in a dark fitted T-shirt and gray joggers. His hair was still a little messy, like he’d just walked out of a luxury loungewear ad. His eyes went straight to me, then Zoey.
“What did I miss?”
Zoey spun toward him. “We’re getting a chameleon!”
Zade paused. “We… are?”
I raised a hand. “No, we are not. Not unless you’re the one feeding it live bugs three times a day.”
Zoey turned her big eyes on him. “Please, Daddy?”
Zade looked at me. Then at her. Then back at me.
“Oh no,” I warned. “Don’t you dare.”
But he only laughed, walked over, and sat down on the couch, pulling Zoey back into his lap.
Zoey leaned into Zade’s chest, twirling the last of her cookie in her fingers, that tiny grin creeping onto her face.
I could already see it. The war wasn’t over. Not even close.
And me? I just sipped my tea and muttered under my breath, “God, give me strength. Or at least a chameleon-proof plan.”
I shook my head, shot Zade a look that clearly meant “this one’s on you,” then let my head fall back against the sofa. The fabric was cool. Comfortable. Or maybe it just felt that way because, for once, I wasn’t acting as the ambassador between a pint-sized queen and her fantasy world.
For the first time in two hours, I took a deep breath without something being launched at my face.
Zade stayed put, Zoey still in his lap. One hand rubbed her back. The other, of course, reached for another cookie from the table like it was his divine right as the father of a certified chaos sorceress.
Zoey rested her cheek against his shoulder and looked at me. “Mommy’s mean and said no chameleon.”
Zade turned serious. Too serious. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was contemplating a global financial collapse.
“Sweetheart,” he said gently. “Do you know why Daddy never got a chameleon?”
Zoey blinked up at him. “Why?”
I narrowed my eyes. Suspicious.
Zade let out a long sigh like he was about to share some buried trauma. I almost laughed. Almost.
“When I was little,” he went on, “my friend had one. His name was... Chaz.”
Zoey gasped. “Chaz?”
Zade nodded slowly. “And one night, Chaz escaped his cage.”
“Oh no.”
“Exactly. They searched everywhere. But chameleons can change color, right? They can stick to walls. Blend in with anything. Even... wallpaper.”
Zoey slapped both hands over her mouth.
“And you know what?” Zade leaned in, voice dropping to a whisper, all dramatic and intense. “Two weeks later... they found Chaz.”
“Where?” she whispered back.
Zade flicked his eyes toward me, then back to Zoey. “In the fridge.”
I shot him a warning look. “Zade.”
He held up one hand like he was totally innocent. “True story.”
Zoey’s jaw dropped. “What?!”
“Yup. He disguised himself as a celery stalk. And my friend... thought he was soup seasoning.”
Zoey shrieked. “EEEEWWWWW!!!”
Zade gave a fake solemn nod. “It scarred everyone. Even now, every time I see celery... I tear up a little.”
I pressed a hand to my forehead. “You just singlehandedly killed any chance of Zoey eating vegetables for the next five years.”
Zoey burrowed deeper into his chest. “I... I don’t want a chameleon anymore. They can turn into shadows. Stick to ceilings. Hide in the fridge…”
Zade gave her a gentle pat. “Let’s find a pet that can’t disappear, yeah?”
She nodded quickly. “A cat. Cats can’t camouflage.”
I turned to him, eyes narrowing. “And you’re allergic to cats.”
He looked right back at me, voice calm and low. “If that’s the price I have to pay for a reptile-free home... I’ll pay it.”
I stared at him. This man. This ridiculous man. He had just mind-tricked Zoey out of her obsession with a perfectly absurd story about a tragic lizard named Chaz. And now he was willing to sneeze for the rest of his life to keep our house safe from lizards in cosplay.
What even.
Zoey gave his cheek a quick kiss, then jumped off his lap. “I’m gonna draw the cat! An orange one! His name is... Gump!”
Zade glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. “Gump?”
“Better than Chaz,” I muttered, still leaning back, one hand propping up my head.
Zoey dashed to the corner, grabbed her sketchbook and colored pencils, then flopped onto the floor humming to herself.
Zade stood and dropped onto the couch beside me, stealing the last of my cookie with that innocent face like he hadn’t just hijacked the entire afternoon.
“Mission accomplished.”
I tilted my head at him. “You’re a manipulative genius with a pretty face and a voice that could convince someone to donate their kidney.”
“Thanks, babe,” he said, popping the cookie into his mouth.
I rested my head on his shoulder. He didn’t say anything. Just let me be there. Let me exist. In the middle of a room filled with pillows, glitter remnants, and one tiny human now creating a creature named Gump.
A weird kind of peace. A rare kind.
And somehow, I didn’t want to be anywhere else.