Chapter 60 Sudden realization
NANCY'S POV
Throbbing started between my temples the second my eyes peeled open.
And it wasn't just my head that hurt; my jaw was too, and it took a second for me to realize where I was and what I'd done to make my body ache so bad.
The ache in my temples was a result of the alcohol I'd taken last night, but the ache in my jaw and body...
That was undeniably the result of getting fucked hard.
The hand resting on my thighs and the soft breath close to my ears told me Jaxon was right next to me, but I hesitated in looking at him.
What if he were awake and staring at me?
How was I supposed to face him after acting so dirty last night? All the wanton words and things I had done returned to me, and I winced in embarrassment, but then, my eyes widened when I realised that I had unconsciously turned my head to him.
Relief crashed through me when my eyes fell on his shut eyes.
"Thank God," I breathed into the silence.
Knowing that he was still asleep filled me with more courage, and with the aid of the dim lighting that came from the lamp on the bedside table next to him, I began to study his face.
He looked even younger asleep and peaceful, nothing like the cold, frosty air he usually gave off when he wasn't in slumber land.
'He didn't leave this time,' A voice in my head pointed out to me, and my lips tugged back into a small smile when I realized that he indeed hadn't left me alone.
Was it because I complained to him?
"No, Nancy. Don't get your hopes up. You know he didn't do this for you..."
'But he told you he only had you,' The voice in my head persisted.
I recollected those words and the way he said them, but I shook my head the next instant, rejecting them.
"Whatever we both said in a state of desire can't be trusted."
'But you know you meant everything you said,' The voice pointed out again.
I hated how right it was.
Indeed, I had meant everything I said last night, and there was even more yet to be spoken.
A sigh rolled past my lips, and I crushed the feelings before they could rise.
I needed to get up and return to my room, I also needed to wash myself and get changed, but I found myself unable to move.
My body found more comfort in lying there and staring at him, and at the perfect sculpture of his features.
And, I did just that. I didn't hold myself back anymore and openly stared at him, as though I wanted to imprint an image of his face in my mind.
Deep down in my heart, I knew that I wouldn't be able to stare at him like this once morning broke. We would go back to what we used to be.
He, my teacher and best friend's father, while I was simply a lady, he was trying to get out of his system.
That thought pricked my chest hard, and I looked away.
It was what I needed to finally prop myself up and get out of his bed.
Quietly, I grabbed my things and slipped out.
Sleep didn't immediately come to me when I returned to my room.
In actuality, I wasn't sure what I had counted as sleep because I'd only opened and closed my eyes and saw rogue beams of sunlight streaming into my room.
I sighed, then got out of bed to freshen up, ignoring the soreness between my thighs.
After freshening up, I went out of my room.
I'd only just made it to the top of the stairs when their voices reached me.
Daina and Jaxon.
No, it was Mr Landon now.
I made that correction silently in my head, breathed in deeply once more, then headed down.
Their conversation reached me as I walked.
"Dad, you really aren't mad?" I heard Diana ask with disbelief evident in her tone.
"I'm not pleased either."
"That wasn't what I asked..." She cut herself off, then let out a hacking cough, which I assumed was to cover up how wrong her words had been.
"Well, I'm surprised you aren't, but I guess I should still apologize to you."
"You can get mad at me, but not at Nancy. I forced her to go with me, and I'm the reason she got drunk."
There was silence for a while, then Diana's voice rose again, "It was Mason who brought us home, right?"
I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, then paused briefly to ask myself why I had even been holding it in the first place.
Maybe it was because I was weirdly anxious that Mr Landon would confirm that he was mad at me.
Last night, I hadn't seen any sign of anger on his face, but I supposed I was too drunk to notice or too caught up in desire to be able to tell.
Now, I was very much sober and sombre, and all the feelings I had refused to let myself feel last night came gushing out.
Particularly, guilt towards Diana.
I'd betrayed her once again, and now, I had to live with that feeling.
I didn't even dare feel sorry for myself.
Whilst I couldn't control who I had feelings for, I could have controlled the things I did with Mr Landon, but I guess I was just too selfish.
Even if just for a short while, I wanted him for myself.
Sighing again, I walked forward until I came to the kitchen.
For another brief moment, I hesitated, then stepped right in.
Diana caught sight of me first, and she paused, then smiled, "Nancy."
I forced a smile, but it waned too fast when my eyes fell on Mr Landon.
He was standing next to the coffee maker, with a cup of coffee in hand.
The morning sun poured over him, and it caught in his hair and softened every edge, like the world had slowed just to put a spotlight on him alone.
My heart thumped loudly, and I suddenly forgot how to breathe.
It hit me then, hard and fast.
I loved this man.