Chapter 16 Chapter 15
Thalia didn't just punish me for disobeying her orders.
She made an example of me.
The morning after we rescued Luna, I was dragged from my room by Court guards and brought to the throne room in front of every vampire in the Nightfall Court. Kael stood at Thalia's right hand, his face carved from stone, but through the bond I felt his helpless fury.
"Seraphine Blackwood," Thalia announced, her voice echoing through the chamber. "You defied a direct order from your Queen. You left Court grounds without permission. You endangered yourself and, by extension, my Second through the blood bond you share. These are serious offenses that cannot go unpunished."
I stood in the center of the room, chin high despite the fear crawling up my spine. Luna had been taken to a separate room, kept away from this spectacle. At least they weren't punishing her too.
"What I did," I said clearly, "was save my best friend from being murdered by your enemies. If that's a crime, then I'm guilty."
Murmurs rippled through the assembled vampires. Some looked approving. Most looked scandalized that I'd dare speak back to their Queen.
Thalia's smile was razor-sharp. "Brave words. Foolish, but brave. The question now is how to ensure you never disobey me again. Corvus, your thoughts?"
The ancient vampire stepped forward, and ice flooded my veins. "The girl is willful, Your Majesty. She needs to understand the consequences of defiance. I propose confinement. Solitary. No training, no contact with anyone. A week should suffice to break her spirit."
"No." Kael's voice rang out before I could respond. "Your Majesty, that's excessive. She saved a life. Yes, she disobeyed orders, but the outcome was successful. Luna Martinez is safe, we avoided war with the Crimson Court, and we demonstrated the Shadow Witch's power. I recommend a lesser punishment."
"You're biased," Corvus said coldly. "The blood bond makes you incapable of objective judgment where she's concerned."
"The blood bond makes me uniquely qualified to judge," Kael countered. "I can feel her intentions, her emotions. She didn't act out of malice or rebellion. She acted out of loyalty to someone she loves. That's not a flaw. It's a strength we should cultivate, not crush."
"Loyalty to humans is weakness," another vampire called out. "She's a witch. She should know her place."
"Her place is whatever I decide it is," Thalia said, her voice cutting through the debate. "And I've decided. Seraphine, you will be confined to your quarters for three days. No training, no visitors except those I permit. You'll use this time to reflect on the difference between bravery and stupidity. Additionally, your friend Luna will be moved to more secure quarters. Ones where you can't simply spirit her away if you decide to defy me again."
"She's not a prisoner," I said. "You promised she'd be safe and comfortable."
"And she will be. In quarters I choose." Thalia leaned forward. "Consider this a lesson, little witch. Every action has consequences. You defied me to save your friend. Now your friend lives under tighter restrictions because of that defiance. Choose your battles more carefully next time."
The manipulation was brilliant and infuriating. She'd just made Luna's situation my fault, made it so any future defiance would directly harm the person I'd been trying to protect. Through the bond, I felt Kael's grudging admiration for the political maneuvering even as he hated it.
"Dismissed," Thalia said. "Kael, escort her back to her room. And do make sure she stays there this time."
The walk back was silent until we were far enough from the throne room that no one could overhear. Then Kael's carefully controlled facade cracked.
"That was reckless," he said, his voice tight. "You could have been killed. Luna could have been killed. And for what? To prove a point?"
"To save my friend," I shot back. "Something you would have done too if Thalia hadn't ordered you not to."
"Yes," he admitted. "Which is why I understand why you did it. But understanding doesn't make it less dangerous. Seraphine, you can't keep making enemies of everyone in this Court. Eventually, they'll find a way to get rid of you, blood bond or not."
"So what am I supposed to do? Just obey every command? Become the perfect little weapon Thalia wants?"
"I'm suggesting you pick your battles strategically." He stopped outside my door, turning to face me. "The rescue worked this time. But next time, you might not be so lucky. Next time, I might not get there in time to help."
"You're always there," I said, and through the bond I felt his surprise at the softness in my voice. "Whether I want you to be or not. The bond makes sure of that."
"Is that so terrible?" His hand came up to brush my cheek. "Having someone who'll always come for you?"
"It is when I don't know if I'm feeling this because I actually care or because magic is making me care." I caught his hand, holding it against my face. "How do we know what's real, Kael? How do we know if any of this is real?"
"Does it matter?" He stepped closer, and the bond hummed between us. "Real or manufactured, the feelings exist. The connection exists. We can either fight it forever, or we can accept it and see where it leads."
"That's a terrible idea," I whispered.
"Probably." His other hand settled on my waist. "But I'm tired of fighting what I feel. Tired of pretending I don't want this."
He kissed me then, and it was nothing like the desperate kiss I'd shared with Azrael. This was slow and thorough, full of three weeks of building tension and denied attraction. The bond flared between us, amplifying every sensation until I couldn't tell where I ended and he began.
When we finally broke apart, we were both breathing hard.
"That was definitely a terrible idea," I said.
"The worst," he agreed. But he was smiling, really smiling, and it transformed his face into something almost mortal.
"Kael." I pulled back slightly. "I need to tell you something. About Azrael."
His expression shuttered. "You don't owe me explanations about the demon."
"Yes, I do. Because you felt it through the bond. You felt me kiss him." I made myself hold his gaze. "I'm attracted to him. I care about him. And I don't know what that means or what I'm supposed to do about it, but I won't lie to you. Not when you can feel my emotions anyway."
Kael was quiet for a long moment. Through the bond, I felt him wrestling with jealousy and understanding. Finally, he said, "I appreciate your honesty. Even if I hate what you're telling me."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't be." He straightened, putting professional distance between us again. "You're right that the bond makes lying pointless. So I'll be honest too. I want you to choose me. I want you to forget the demon exists and focus on what we're building here. But I also know that's not fair. You didn't choose this bond. You didn't choose to have feelings for either of us. And forcing you to choose will only make you resent whoever wins."
"So what do we do?"
"We take this one day at a time." He opened my door. "You serve your confinement. I'll make sure Luna is comfortable in her new quarters. And in three days, we go back to training. The rest, we'll figure out as we go."
"You're being remarkably calm about this," I said.
"I'm three hundred years old, Seraphine. I've learned patience." But through the bond, I felt his turmoil. He was just better at hiding it than I was.
He left, and I entered my room to find it exactly as I'd left it. Three days of confinement stretched ahead of me. Three days to think about everything that had happened. About Kael and Azrael and the impossible situation I'd found myself in.
Night fell, and I waited. Part of me hoped Azrael wouldn't come, that he'd stay away and let me figure out my feelings without his presence complicating things further.
But of course, he came.
The shadows in the corner deepened, and he stepped through like he'd never left. His amber eyes found mine immediately.
"Three days confinement," he said without preamble. "Thalia went easy on you. I expected worse."
"It's not the confinement that's the punishment," I said. "It's what she did to Luna. Tighter restrictions. More guards. All because I tried to save her."
"Classic manipulation." Azrael crossed to me. "Make you responsible for the consequences of your own heroism. It's effective, I'll give her that."
"I don't want to talk about Thalia." I stood to face him. "I want to talk about us. About what this is."
"This?" He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "This is me falling for a witch I should stay away from. This is you being caught between two worlds and not knowing which one to choose. This is complicated and messy and probably doomed."
"That's not reassuring."
"I'm not trying to reassure you." He cupped my face in both hands. "I'm trying to be honest. I know about the vampire. I felt you kiss him through the shadows. I know you're developing feelings for him because of that damn blood bond. And I also know I have no right to ask you to choose me over him."
"But you want me to," I said.
"Desperately." The raw honesty in his voice made my chest ache. "I want you to choose freedom over chains. To choose the demon who sees you as an equal over the vampire who sees you as a responsibility. But I also know that's not fair. Because he saved your life. Because you're bound to him in ways I can never compete with."
"It's not a competition," I said.
"Isn't it?" He leaned his forehead against mine. "Because from where I'm standing, I'm losing."
I didn't have an answer for that. Didn't know how to tell him that he wasn't losing because there was no winning. That my heart was being pulled in two directions and I didn't know how to reconcile the contradiction.
So instead, I kissed him. Let myself sink into the heat of him, the freedom he represented, the darkness that called to my own.
When we broke apart, his eyes were glowing.
"I should go," he said. "Let you serve your confinement in peace."
"Azrael." I caught his hand before he could vanish into the shadows. "Thank you. For helping me save Luna. For being honest about your feelings. For not making this harder than it already is."
He smiled, sad and resigned. "Give it time. I have a talent for making things harder."
Then he was gone, and I was alone with the bond humming contentedly from my kiss with Kael and my heart aching from my conversation with Azrael.
Three days of confinement stretched ahead of me.
I had a feeling they'd be the longest three days of my life.