Chapter 13 Chapter 12
The blood bond changed everything, and I hated every second of it.
Three days had passed since I'd woken up tied to Kael Thorne, and the connection had only grown stronger. I could feel him constantly now, a presence in the back of my mind that never went away. When he was near, it intensified to the point where I could sense his exact location without looking. When he was far, it faded to a dull awareness, like a compass always pointing north.
And the emotions. God, the emotions were the worst part.
I'd spent the morning in training, trying to focus on summoning shadows while Kael's frustration with some Court business bled through the bond. Then his frustration had turned to anger, sharp and sudden, and I'd lost control of my magic entirely. Shadow tendrils had exploded outward, wrapping around training dummies and nearly strangling them before I'd managed to pull them back.
Now I sat on my bed, head in my hands, trying to build mental walls between his feelings and mine. It wasn't working.
A knock at the door made me look up. I already knew who it was. Could feel his concern like it was my own.
"Come in," I said tiredly.
Kael entered, and the bond immediately settled, like it was pleased we were in the same room. I resented that feeling intensely. "I felt your distress during training. Are you all right?"
"No, I'm not all right." I stood, pacing the room because sitting still made the awareness of him even stronger. "Your emotions are bleeding into mine constantly. I can't think straight. Can't control my magic. This bond is making everything worse, not better."
"I know." He closed the door behind him, and I felt his guilt spike. "I've been researching. There are techniques we can use to dampen the connection. Mental shields, meditation practices. But they take time to master."
"Time I don't have," I said. "Thalia wants me training for missions. Using me as her weapon. How am I supposed to do that when I can barely control my own feelings, let alone distinguish them from yours?"
"We'll figure it out." He moved closer, and the bond hummed with approval. I took a step back, and the feeling soured to disappointment. "Seraphine, I know this is difficult. But fighting the bond only makes it worse. The more you resist, the more it pushes back."
"So what, I'm just supposed to accept it? Accept having someone else in my head all the time?"
"You're in my head too," he pointed out. "This isn't easy for me either. Do you have any idea how distracting it is trying to attend Court meetings while feeling your panic attacks through the bond? Or trying to sleep while your nightmares bleed into my dreams?"
I hadn't thought about that. Hadn't considered that this was just as invasive for him. "I didn't know you could feel my nightmares."
"Every night." His voice was soft. "Fire and screams and a woman calling a name you don't recognize. I've felt them all."
Embarrassment heated my face. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." He sat on the edge of my bed, and after a moment's hesitation, I joined him. The bond practically purred at the proximity. "I'm not telling you to make you feel guilty. I'm telling you so you understand this goes both ways. We're both struggling with it. But we have to find a way to work together, or the bond will tear us both apart."
"How?" I asked. "How do we work together when neither of us chose this?"
"By being honest." He turned to face me, and his silver eyes were steady. "Stop trying to hide what you're feeling from me. Stop building walls. The bond interprets resistance as a threat and pushes harder. If you just let the emotions flow naturally, acknowledge them and move on, it settles."
"That sounds like giving up," I said.
"It's not giving up. It's adapting." His hand moved like he was going to touch mine, then stopped. "Seraphine, I know I violated your autonomy. I know you didn't consent to this bond. But it's done now, and we can either fight it until it drives us both insane, or we can learn to live with it. Your choice."
I wanted to keep fighting. Wanted to rage against the unfairness of having my life tied to someone else's without permission. But I could feel his exhaustion through the bond, could sense how much this was costing him too. And I realized he was right. Fighting was only making everything worse.
"Teach me," I said finally. "Teach me how to live with this without losing myself."
Something like relief flooded through the bond, and I couldn't tell if it was his or mine. Maybe both.
"Close your eyes," Kael said. "Focus on the bond. Don't fight it, just observe it. Like watching water flow in a stream."
I did as he instructed, and immediately felt the connection more clearly. It was like a silver thread connecting us, pulsing with shared emotions and sensations. My resistance had been pulling against it, creating friction. When I stopped fighting, the thread relaxed.h
"Good," Kael murmured. "Now acknowledge what you're feeling. Don't judge it, don't push it away. Just recognize it and let it pass."
I felt his calm determination. My own frustration and fear. Underneath both, something warmer that neither of us wanted to examine too closely. I acknowledged each emotion and imagined it flowing past me like he'd described.
The pressure in my head eased. Not gone, but manageable.
"Better?" Kael asked.
"Better," I admitted, opening my eyes. "It's still there, but not as overwhelming."
"That's progress." He stood. "We'll practice this every day. Build your tolerance gradually. And I'll work on shielding my emotions better so they don't bleed through as strongly."
"Kael." He paused at the door. "Does it bother you? Having me in your head all the time?"
He was quiet for a long moment. Then, "Sometimes. When you're afraid or in pain, it's like experiencing it myself. That's difficult. But other times, when you're determined or fierce or unexpectedly kind despite everything you've been through, it's almost bearable. So no. It doesn't bother me as much as I expected."
He left before I could respond, but I felt the truth of his words through the bond. And I realized with startling clarity that I didn't hate having him in my head quite as much as I'd thought either.
That should have scared me. Should have made me double down on the walls and the resistance. But instead, I just felt tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of being angry all the time.
Maybe Kael was right. Maybe adaptation was the only way forward.
A familiar darkness stirred in the corner of my room, and I didn't need to turn around to know Azrael had arrived. I could feel his presence in a different way than Kael's. No bond, but recognition nonetheless.
"That looked cozy," Azrael said, his voice carrying an edge I'd never heard before. "You and the vampire. Sitting together on your bed. Sharing feelings."
"He was teaching me how to manage the bond," I said, turning to face him. "You know, the bond that wouldn't exist if those demons hadn't attacked."
"Demons my father sent." Azrael's expression was dark. "I found out yesterday. The rogue faction wasn't rogue at all. Malakai orchestrated the whole thing. He wanted you dead, wanted to eliminate the threat before you became powerful enough to choose against him."
My blood ran cold. "Your father tried to have me killed."
"Yes." He crossed to me, taking my hands in his. "Which is why you need to leave this place. The bond might have saved your life, but it's also chained you to the vampires. Kael will use it to control you. To keep you compliant."
"He's not like that," I said, and felt Kael's surprise through the bond. He was listening somehow. Could probably feel the conversation even from wherever he was in the Court.
"Isn't he?" Azrael's amber eyes searched my face. "Seraphine, the blood bond creates artificial feelings. You think you're starting to trust him, maybe even care about him, but it's just magic. It's manipulation."
"And what you're doing isn't manipulation?" I pulled my hands free. "You come here every night, tell me the vampires are using me, that I should run away with you. But you're the Demon King's son. Why should I trust you any more than I trust them?"
"Because I'm not forcing a magical connection on you," he said. "Because I'm giving you the truth and letting you choose what to do with it. That's the difference."
"Is it?" I asked. "Or are you just using a different method to get what you want?"
He looked like I'd slapped him. "You really believe that? After everything I've done to help you?"
"I don't know what to believe anymore," I said honestly. "Everyone wants something from me. You, Kael, Thalia. Everyone sees me as a weapon or a prize or a tool. No one just sees me."
"I see you." Azrael's voice was fierce. "I see a woman who's stronger than she knows. Who deserves freedom, not chains. Who's worth saving even if she doesn't believe it herself."
The sincerity in his words made my throat tight. Through the bond, I felt Kael's jealousy spike, then quickly suppressed. The triangle I'd been trying to ignore was becoming impossible to deny.
"I can't leave," I said finally. "Not yet. The bond means Kael would feel it if I ran. Would track me. And Luna is still here, still under their protection. I can't leave her."
"Then let me get her out," Azrael urged. "I can take her somewhere safe, away from the Court's control."
"And I'm supposed to just trust that you'd bring her back?" I shook my head. "No. I need to see this through. On my terms."
Azrael looked like he wanted to argue, but finally nodded. "All right. But promise me something. If the vampires try to use the bond to force you into something you don't want, call for me. I'll come for you. No matter what."
"I promise," I said.
He kissed me then, sudden and desperate, and I let myself sink into it for just a moment before pulling back. Through the bond, Kael's emotions were a storm I didn't want to examine too closely.
When Azrael left, I was alone with the bond and my thoughts and the growing certainty that I was falling for both of them.
And that was going to destroy everything.