Chapter 21 It’s my Fault
“Good morning, sneaky sneaky,” Lena said slowly without blinking.
“Care to explain why you weren’t in your room this morning?” Theo asked, leaning across the wall like an investigator in a crime movie.
I tried to search my brain, maybe a lie would come up, but nothing came.
Then I scoffed.
“Come on,” I waved my hand as if I was trying to dismiss them.
“Don’t act as if you’ve never slept outside the house before.”
Lena’s eyes widened immediately when I said that.
“Wow! That’s an interesting choice of words,” she smiled.
I winked at her, hoping she would get the message, and moved toward my room.
“Joan,” she said with a sweet voice as she blocked my way.
“You haven’t answered the question,” she added.
“There was no question,” I replied.
“There was,” Theo cut in.
“I asked why you weren’t in your room this morning.”
“I got a call from work, then I slept over at a colleague’s place,” I said smoothly.
“The lie finally came,” I whispered under my breath.
“Huh… which work?” Lena squinted at me.
“I think that’s a lie though,” Theo said, clearly unconvinced.
Lena stared at me as she crossed her arms again, smiling way too knowingly.
“Did you finally get yourself a boyfriend?” she muttered, her voice a bit low.
“What?” I said and laughed loudly.
“No.”
“That was fast,” Theo said, raising an eyebrow.
“I said no,” I replied, almost loudly.
“So you didn’t spend the night at a man’s house?” Lena pressed.
“Sleeping outside doesn’t automatically mean I slept at a man’s place,” I said, shaking my eyes playfully as I looked into Lena’s eyes.
“Hmm… sounds like what someone with a boyfriend would say,” Theo laughed.
“Oh, my God!” I gasped as I checked my phone dramatically.
“I’m late for work,” I added and rushed toward my room.
“Should we expect him for dinner?” Theo called after me.
“There’s no him,” I shouted back.
“Leave her alone,” Lena said and laughed sarcastically.
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it with my eyes closed.
“Boyfriend?” I scoffed softly.
“As if…”
Just then, his shirtless chest flashed through my mind and I immediately opened my eyes.
“No… not now,” I muttered.
I dressed up hurriedly and headed for work.
When I got to the site, Alex was already there. He stood by the site table, sleeves rolled up as usual and his eyes fixed on the document in front of him. He didn’t look up immediately when I arrived.
“Welcome Joan,” he said calmly when he finally looked up.
It still wasn’t the normal Alex that started the project with me.
The normal one would have teased me about my lateness, knowing that I was late because I slept over at his place.
“Thank you,” I said, forcing myself to sound focused.
It felt wrong, especially with the fact that we slept under the same roof.
As we worked, he addressed me the way he addressed everyone else on the site. Every single sentence he said to me was about work and his instructions were neutral.
“Please review this section.”
“Let me know when you are done.”
“I will handle the client update.”
I kept stealing glances at him, expecting him to slip, to smirk, to lean closer, or to say something that would make me roll my eyes.
But he didn’t and the absence of all of that made me feel unsettled.
I knew I shouldn’t have felt that way, but I missed how he would arrive at work and say my name like it was his favorite word. I missed the way he would smile and make silly jokes. I missed the way he would work side by side with me and steal glances at me.
Now, he didn’t even look at me unless it was necessary.
At some point, our hands brushed when we wanted to take the same file.
“I’m sorry,” he said, quickly stepping back.
“It’s fine,” I replied just as fast.
At one point, I felt like he was supposed to be in that position, not me.
“I should be the one acting cold and professional,” I hissed.
But I remembered the way I had embarrassed him in front of everyone.
“It’s my fault,” I admitted.
Every time I tried to say something, the memory would stop me, so I kept quiet.
Then I remembered Lena’s words.
“Don’t let Alex’s feelings or whatever this is get in your way.”
I’m trying not to but every time he said my name like it meant nothing more than a job title, my heart sank.
So I summoned courage and spoke.
“I’m sorry I showed up like that last night,” I said casually without looking up.
It was stupid…
I knew the moment those words came out of my mouth.
He paused, then looked at me.
“It’s fine. Thanks for checking on me,” he replied.
“What? That’s it? I was hoping to start a conversation,” my inner voice chided.
“Why is he acting so cold? I mean… he smiled at me at his place this morning,” my inner voice kept going on and on.
Then I let out a small smile.
“You are welcome,” I said.
“That felt worse than him ignoring me completely,” I whispered.
A few minutes’ later, he cleared his throat.
“I will check in with the supervisor,” he said.
“Alright,” I replied.
Then he walked away without another word, and I stared at him until he was out of sight
The day went on, and during lunch, I sat across from him at the long table we shared with the team. He spoke to the site supervisor and some other workers, but he didn’t speak to me.
“Let’s just focus on food,” I whispered to myself.
After lunch, we reviewed a section of the measurements together, and I was so sure he stood beside me because there was no other way.
“Can you adjust this margin? The client wants that place brighter than the other side,” he said in a neutral tone, our shoulders almost brushing and our eyes on the same sheet.
“Yes,” I replied, reaching for the pen.
Our hands brush again.
This time, he didn’t move away immediately.
I didn’t move either.
Then suddenly, he stepped back.
“Let me know when you are done,” he said, already turning to leave.
“Alex… Why are you acting like this?” I blurted.
The words came out before I could stop myself.
He turned back and stood still, his gaze piercing into my skin.
“God, I just hope I don’t regret this…”