Chapter 57 The Winter of Trust

Chapter 57 The Winter of Trust

The winter settled into a rhythm of cold and dark and waiting.

The days were short, the nights were long, and the snow never seemed to stop. Kaelen woke each morning before dawn, dug the paths to the barn and the woodpile and the cabin, and worked until his hands were numb and his back ached. The work kept him moving. The work kept him from thinking too much about Veyra sleeping in the cabin, or the First dreaming in the barrow, or the hunger lurking at the edges of the hunters' minds.

Sera spent her days by the hearth, the book open on her lap, the names whispering in her ears. She read less now. The book was heavy, and the names pressed against her thoughts even when she wasn't looking at the pages. Sometimes she spoke them aloud, not the names of the living, but the names of the dead. The ones who had fallen. The ones who had been forgotten.

Orin. Eldrin. Lira. Elara.

She spoke them like prayers, like warnings, like promises.

Veyra stayed in the cabin with the other hunters. She did not speak much. She did not offer to help. She just sat by the fire, her hands in her lap, her eyes on the flames. The hunters watched her. They did not trust her. They did not want her there.

But they did not send her away.

\-

The first test came on the twelfth day of winter.

Kaelen was in the barn, mending a harness, when he heard the shouting. He dropped the leather and ran.

The hunters were gathered outside the cabin, their faces hard, their hands on their weapons. Corin stood at the front, his scarred face twisted with anger. Veyra stood in the doorway, her arms crossed, her face pale.

"She tried to take the book," Corin said when Kaelen arrived. "One of the hunters saw her. She was walking toward the farmhouse in the middle of the night."

Kaelen looked at Veyra. "Is that true?"

Veyra met his eyes. "I wanted to talk to Sera. I couldn't sleep. The hunger was bad."

Corin spat on the ground. "The hunger. Always the hunger. How many times are we supposed to believe that?"

Veyra did not look away from Kaelen. "I didn't try to take the book. I just wanted to talk."

Kaelen looked at the hunter who had accused her. He was young, barely older than Mira, with gold cracks on his hands and fear in his eyes.

"You saw her walking toward the farmhouse?"

"Yes."

"Did you see her try to enter?"

"No. But she was heading that way. In the middle of the night. What else was she doing?"

Kaelen turned back to Veyra. "Why didn't you go to the farmhouse during the day?"

Veyra was quiet for a moment. "Because I was ashamed. I didn't want the others to see me begging for help."

The hunters muttered. Corin shook his head.

Kaelen raised his hand. "Enough. Veyra stays. But she doesn't leave the cabin at night. Not until she's earned the right."

Veyra bowed her head. Corin glared at Kaelen but did not argue. The hunters dispersed.

Kaelen walked back to the barn.

He did not see Veyra's eyes following him.

\-

Sera heard about the incident from Mira.

She sat by the hearth, the book in her lap, the warmth in her chest pulsing. Mira stood by the window, her bow in her hand, her face cold.

"Kaelen handled it," Mira said. "He told the hunters to stand down."

"Was Veyra trying to take the book?"

"I don't know. She said she wanted to talk to you. Maybe that's true. Maybe it's not."

Sera closed the book. "What do you think?"

Mira was quiet for a moment. "I think Veyra is dangerous. I think she's always been dangerous. I think she's trying to find a way to survive, and she doesn't care who she hurts in the process."

"Like the Cabal."

"Like the Cabal. Like the First. Like everyone who has ever been hungry." Mira turned from the window. "But I also think she's scared. She's never been without the hunger before. She doesn't know who she is without it."

Sera stood up and walked to the window. The snow was falling again, thick and soft, covering the footprints in the yard.

"Neither do I," she said. "Neither does Kaelen. Neither do any of us."

Mira looked at her. "You're not like her."

"I'm closer than you think."

\-

The second test came on the twentieth day of winter.

One of the hunters lost control. His name was Garret, a quiet man with grey hair and sad eyes. He had been healing slowly, the hunger receding, the gold cracks fading. But something woke it. A dream. A memory. The smell of blood on the wind.

He attacked Corin in the cabin.

The other hunters pulled him off. They held him down while he thrashed and screamed. His eyes were gold, bright and terrible, and his mouth was open too wide.

Kaelen ran to the cabin. Sera followed, the book in her hands, the warmth in her chest blazing.

Veyra was already there. She was kneeling beside Garret, her hand on his chest, her voice low and steady.

"Breathe," she said. "Breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out."

Garret's eyes flickered. Gold to brown to gold.

"You're not alone," Veyra said. "You're not hungry. You're just scared. We're all scared. But we're here. We're not going anywhere."

Garret's thrashing slowed. His breathing steadied. The gold in his eyes faded.

Veyra sat back on her heels. Her hands were shaking.

Sera knelt beside Garret and put her hand on his forehead. The warmth from her chest flowed into him, soft and steady, pushing the hunger back.

"The book helps," she said. "But Veyra helped more."

The hunters stared at Veyra. Their faces were no longer hard. They were confused. Uncertain.

Veyra stood up and walked to the door.

"I know what it's like," she said. "To lose control. To hurt the people you care about. I've done it more times than I can count." She looked back at Garret, who was sitting up, his face pale, his eyes wet. "It doesn't get easier. But it gets less lonely. When you have people who stay."

She walked out into the snow.

\-

That night, Kaelen found Veyra on the porch.

She was sitting on the steps, her knees drawn up to her chin, her breath clouding in the air. The snow had stopped, and the stars were out, bright and cold.

"You helped him," Kaelen said, sitting down beside her.

"I know what it's like to lose control."

"So you said."

She was quiet for a moment. "When I was with the First, I lost control every day. Every hour. Every minute. The hunger was so loud that I couldn't hear my own thoughts. I couldn't remember my own name."

Kaelen looked at the stars. "How did you survive?"

"I didn't. Not really. The First kept me alive. They fed on my hunger, and I fed on theirs. We were a cycle. A loop. A cage." She looked at her hands. "Sera broke the loop. She spoke my name. The one I was born with. The one I had been running from my whole life."

"The name your mother gave you."

"Yes." Veyra's voice was barely a whisper. "I had forgotten it. Buried it. Tried to burn it out of my memory. But Sera remembered. The book remembered. And when she spoke it, I came back."

Kaelen was quiet for a long moment. "Do you want to go back to the First?"

"No."

"Do you want to take the book?"

"No."

"Do you want to hurt us?"

Veyra looked at him. Her eyes were brown, tired, honest.

"No," she said. "I want to stay. I want to help. I want to be something other than what I was."

Kaelen nodded. "Then stay. Help. Be something else."

He stood up and walked inside.

Veyra sat on the porch, watching the stars.

The winter was long. The dark was deep. But for the first time in years, she was not alone.