Esther's Diary (Pages 17 to 18)

On October 6th, the first hearing in the case of multiple murder with particular cruelty against Laurens Vermeulen was held. When me and Leo arrived at the courthouse it was still about fifteen minutes before the beginning of the trial. We were standing at the door of the courtroom where the hearing was to be held and less than five minutes after us, Alair Taylor, Laurens Vermeulen's public defender, arrived. Of course, when he started talking to us, it was not without nerves, especially from Leo. I saw that he was very irritated by his cheerful attitude and I had the impression that he was about to attack him. Of course I understood Leo, and had similar feelings about this man, but knew I had to keep myself from berating him. I only asked Alair Taylor how he could defend someone like Laurens Vermeulen, but his answer was what I expected: the same talk about the fact that not every murderer commits crimes out of low motives and that his client was traumatized and have a right to defend himself. The only thing I could admire about this man was his dedication to the work he did. The only thing I couldn't understand was why he chose such a difficult option: being a public defender of the worst criminals. Before the trial, I did a little research on Alair Taylor, and seeing his achievements from his studies and time as a trainee attorney, he could become a really successful lawyer, could successfully establish his own law firm and would certainly not be short on clients. So why did Alair Taylor decided to become a public defender? And, on top of that, the one taking the most difficult cases? I couldn't find much about his past, especially the early childhood, so maybe someone in his family had committed some serious crime and now he wanted to protect similar people? If not, was he just a masochist? In the industry, he aroused as much disgust among his colleagues as was admired. Many, like me, wondered why he chose this particular path. Most public defence attorneys chose this career path because they had no other choice. Alair Taylor, on the other hand, received job offers from many reputable law firms, but chose to become a public defence attorney anyway. What a weird guy...

About five minutes after our conversation, everyone was allowed into the courtroom and the first court hearing in the case against Laurens Vermeulen aka Mad Dog has started. Leo and I entered the room, trying to arrange in our heads all the important information that we might have been asked about. Our questionings went fairly well, aside from Alair Taylor's annoying questions, however, the biggest problem started to form during the questioning of the accused, Laurens Vermeulen. Clearly prompted by his public defender, he began to speak out in court about the Scarlet Angels attacking him, not only in the apartment of the would-be victim, but also later, in his cell in the pre-trial detention. Of course, this statement sounded too sincere, and that, along with Alair's suggestions, led the judge to accept the defence's request for a psychiatric examination. Of course, everything was going to be rushed, but it gave Laurens Vermeulen too much time anyway. I couldn't believe what happened. What that angel in my dream warned me about was just happening before my eyes, and I felt a great fear. Of course, it was not the end and now it all depended on the medical examiners and their opinions, but who would know what that opinion would be. Such complications only prolonged the case, and the longer it lasted, the greater was Laurens Vermeulen's chances of leniency. Of course, Leo comforted me that, based on the results of our investigation, Mad Dog did not appear to be insane while committing his crimes. And if he is not mentally ill, will not be able to deceive the forensics. I prayed silently that he would be right.

Before we went to the police station, however, under the guise of wanting to review the report of that night's incident, I asked Leo to wait for me and went to the pre-trial detention building. And I looked at this report, spoke to the guards, but then also to Laurens Vermeulen. Although now when I think about it, I have no idea why I did it and what I wanted to achieve. It was known what he would say about his "performance" at the trial. Laurens said about the Scarlet Angels because his public defender had asked him a question in such a way that almost suggested what to answer. In addition, Laurens, like everyone questioned, testified under oath. In addition, Alair Taylor prepared the ground for discussing this topic during earlier questionings, especially the would-be victim of Mad Dog. Had it not been for this lawyer, I was sure that Laurens Vermeulen would have skipped the topic of Scarlet Angels in the court hearing. I was also torn about whether or not I should believe him. Yes, the incident report on that fateful night clearly stated how Laurens had behaved while 'being attacked', what wounds he had had afterwards, that nothing was visible on surveillance cameras, and the guards found no sign of anyone getting into Laurens' cell and attack him. On the one hand, his words, also those spoken during the questioning at the court, gave me another proof of the existence of the Scarlet Angels. On the other hand, however, as a police officer, I wanted Laurens to be punished as soon as possible, appropriately for his crime, and I still had the words of the angel from my dream in my head. More than that, from time to time I still heard whispers in my head. They were not as severe as those I heard after visiting that particular website, so did not cause a headache, but they kept on repeating the warning words of that angel. I don't think I've ever felt this torn in my life.

After returning to the police station we noticed that everyone was very interested in the case. Even though they had heard more or less how it was going, we were still flooded with questions, so we had to hide in our office. However, before we managed to get away from the questions, a few people got on my nerves, asking about what Scarlet Angels Laurens Vermeulen was talking about, many openly called him crazy and thought he should be locked up in a mental hospital. Of course, I told them, perhaps a bit too aggressively, that this man must end up in prison forever and they should shut up. Leo obviously got me out of there before I said a words I would seriously regret, or actually pulled me away.

It wasn't until we got to the office and Leo spoke to my head, that I realized how inappropriately I had acted. I lost my temper even though it was usually Leo of the two of us who had a problem with it, especially while talking to criminals. I was very ashamed and had no idea how I would look in the face of my colleagues from the police station, after all, many of them saw my outburst, and even if not, everyone will probably know what happened the next day. I felt like my own life was spinning out of control and I couldn't, sometimes even felt I didn't want to, stop this process.